amand_r

Which means that everything I know...I know from fandom.

( Someone else wrote a story about it, and I drew pictures. )

1. What's with Family Guy's Conway Twitty thing? It started with short clips, and now 7.13 had a whole performance of "I See The 'Want To' In Your Eyes". Not that I didn't LOL, but what up with this? Did Seth MacFarlane get the rights to all Conway Twitty's music or something?

2. The drawback to CLEAN ALL THE THINGS in my house is that I don't want to write. Why does this happen? It happens when I have a shitload of things to do, that's for damn sure. Wholas, kinky krimmas, the twfemfic fest, about six original fic things to do, plus that charity book thing (NO I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN, TWITTER PEOPLE). I need something to jumpstart my ass. OH AND ALSO I HAVE THAT SEASON OF TORCHWOOD WOT I BE DOING. JESUS.

SOMEONE KICK ME IN THE ARSE.

3. My fried egg fu is sufficiently warmed up, so tonight it's stout and cheddar rarebit with fried eggs and the old stand-by, carrots and leeks. Oh carrots and leeks, why can't I quit you? I am using balsamic vinegar again instead of red wine vinegar.

4. My kid is in preschool! She started Monday, and so far so good.

5. This year she wants to be Snow White for Halloween. See Mander drive from one store to another.

6. I SEE THE 'WANT TO' IN YOUR EYES.

7. Ever look at all your junk and become filled with the urge to see how much of it you can sell? Because I think that might be my new hobby.

8. Writing a short story about a unicorn showing up on a midwest farm, and it's not going to have a happy ending. But all this urban or modern fantasy, I have no idea who takes it. My horror is not going over well with the horror markets. All my rejections are like, "This is good, but it's not us. Do you have anything more us?" It's enough to make a girl turn to poetry. Which, oh hai quiet passion.

9. I keep all my books that I'm currently reading stashed about the house in places. I have, at any given time, about 8 of them, and sometimes I substitute more when I get in a new pulp crap thing that I'll do in three days (or hours). So I finished Wharton, and picked up The Abridged Tale of Genji, like a responsible reader. Then I got waylaid by The Murder of Biggie Smalls. BUT THEN I GOT WAYLAID BY LKH'S NEW ANITA BLAKE BOOK. OH MY GOD IF MY READING HABITS WERE A NASDAQ CHART, IT WOULD LOOK LIKE BLACK MONDAY. With any luck I can skim my way through LKH and back into Biggie and then into Genji and the Burroughs I cracked the other day.

10. Okay, I just want to state for the record that I find it humourous, given the general attitude that the lyrics of Death Row records used to have re: the police, that they would only hire off-duty cops for their security. On one hand it's heartening, because it shows that it's possible to believe in the corruption of some of the police dept and still believe in their abilities or that some of them are good. On the other hand it's lol.

11. I have a mental image of Jack teaching Lois, Maggie and Robert how to lindy hop after hours in the atrium, to this song. They all have their shoes off, and they're goofing off in their stocking feet in the atrium. Gwen and Dee are in their offices pretending they don't hear. But they do. Gwen gives in, but Dee puts her head phones in and listens to Barry Manilow. BEANS AND CORNBREAD.

THING THE FIRST THE FIRST THING THE FIRST: Before I do anything, I have a rec: All In Good Time, this week's VS ep by the lovely bleu-bleu and kel, mistress of the night. I like the…individual of the week, and keep an eye out for Agent 888, because he is made of awesome.

I might have committed some fanfic for it. ::shifty eyes::

THING THE SECOND THE SECOND THING THE SECOND, DEAR LIZA, DEAR LIZA: I have something that's bothering me. I lie awake at night and think about it. It digs at me, like a splinter in your naughty bits.

Okay, maybe not that.

The Vidalia Chop Wizard

Let me elucidate. It's not the machine itself that bothers me. I can understand why someone might want one. It chops shit. It measures. I use a cuisinart and I enjoy the zen of hand chopping, but I can see how other might not. It's not the mechanism that bothers me. It's this, at :1, and :33, and then again at :50.

WHO IS THIS MORON CHOPPING THINGS? I get that they're trying to sell me their wares, but do they have to get the most incompetent idiot out there to pretend that their hands are painted on in order to sell it? Really?

I get it. Honestly honey, if that's the way you're going to hold the knife then you shouldn't be trusted with anything sharp anyway, but Jesus. It's a trend, the World's Most Incompetent [whatever]:

Fasta Pasta :1-:10
Pasta Pro :1-:10, 1:16,
Sonic Blade :1-:12, :32-:36, 1:18-1:19 (UNRELATED—1:45=Nannerpuss? and 1:54=WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? A KLINGON WEAPON MADE FROM FRUIT?!!?)

I stopped here, but I have seen it for things outside of the kitchen as well. Makes flappy hands OMG MY HANDS DON'T WORK.

That said, was I the only one during the Sonic Blade commercial doing every callback I knew from the dinner scene in Rocky?

I'm making lasagna today, and I am tempted to film parts of the process as if my hands are in a commercial for Sonic Pasta or something.

edit: Thanks to Sam, who has his fingers everywhere, I have watched this, over which I laughed my ass off (goodbye buns of steel!) and then felt smugly satisfied that I wasn't the only person seeing this. I AM NOT ALONE!

MBABB WC= 33962

So I did this a while back for Panic! at the Disco, and I figured that in light of the fact that all of my friends online watch SPN, I'd let them know just what I have learnt from their conversations. This is this outsider's understanding of SPN, ( in post it form. )

So there you have it. Haahahahaaahaha. I KNOW IT'S AN IMPALA. I was gonna draw a deer. LAWL.

Okay, so potty training is setting us back, again and again, and mum thinks it's the pull ups and I'm at the point where I agree with her.

Can anyone recommend effective training pants? They must be:

1. fairly waterproof and washable.
2. Uncomfortable. Seriously, I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do, but I can make it an unhappy thing.

I'm amazingly frustrated right now. Fuckbears.

I also don't want to talk about it, really, so if you know of training pants, that's cool, but anything else potty related I'm not in the mood for. Sorry.

1. FUCKING SHARK HELL WEEK, DAY THREE: Not really pissed. More like, resigned to futility. LOL. I said it aloud—LOL. YAY!

2. Pondering how some OTC medicines for already embarrassing ailments have even more embarrassing names: Beano, Gas-X, Preparation H (which I guess is not embarrassing unless you know what it is for).

Me: Me, seriously, who likes taking PREPARATION H to the checkout aisle?
Mum: Well, there's always Anusol, that's not embar…oh wait.
Me: THAT WILL NEVER STOP BEING FUNNY.

3. Got a statement for a dental visit from a year ago from my old insurance company this weekend. Read THIS IS NOT A BILL and shrugged. Then today got a bill from my dentist saying "Sorry this is late! We just got the thing from the insurance company! LOL!" for $82. While I am told this might violate HIPPA laws, I'm just going to pay it. Still, just another reminder of the grinding wheels of humanity.

4. I'm still tired.

( The rest under a cut: Dexter, writing fanfiction, why continuity errors doesn't bother me, crack, random shoes, disabling comments, when you fall out of love with fandom, and mutual fic masturbation. Oh, and Catherine Parr. And poop. )

That's it. Someone get me a fucking bear claw.

So I just stirred my last cup of coffee with what I thought was my coffee spoon from this morning, but which was actually the spoon that I stirred my reheated lunch with.

Cheesy Parmesan Tuna Helper.

...


::drinks anyway::

1. In an email, neifile7 said: While you're on your mission to subvert as many fandom tropes as possible, I'd love to see you do a sort of anti-h/c one of these days. But I'm not sure what that would look like, yet.

I'm not sure either, but I am intrigued. Anyone have any thoughts?

2. I cannot speak for all of the flavours, but omg Maple Bacon Lollipops? YES, PLEASE. They are good. So good.

3. I found the context of this page LOLARIOUS. (h/t lastrega)

4. please no more grindcore at 3 am (h/t lastrega again)

I have nothing of any substance today. Sorry. Fic later. And it is the fluffiest thing I have ever written.

1. As I was linked to a rec for Heat Goes To Cold and One Thousand yesterday, the recs mentioned that the stories were ten years old, and it took me aback for a second. They ARE ten years old. At least. They might have been posted in 1998 (the notes say 1999 and 2000, but by 2000 I was living in my flat, and I had posted them before that, so I might be wrong.). I forget. Holy fucking shit. TEN YEARS in online fandom at least. And people are STILL READING them. Thanks people!

2. I feel slightly old.

3. I noticed a few days ago that LJ changed their search function. It now sucks balls. Some journals I would just look up whenever I wanted to see them, and now I can't do that, because they no longer show up in any search function.

Thanks lj, for becoming completely fucktarded. And don't bitch about how I'm a whiny fandom person because I said nothing all through strike through, nipplegate, the plus account/ad bullshit and the recent gender!fail crap. I hate you because your code is stepping backwards, like someon moron deciding they need to throw out their Blue-Ray player for goddamned Betamax.

I have just proven that poem about how when the came for my neighbour, I did nothing, and then they came for mah other neighbour and I did nothing, and then they came and took my Bagelfuls and I uh, I dunno. I forget that poem.

Or that other porn about how if I keep my head when chaos is all around me, then Jackie Aprile might shoot me in the head at a card game. Wait. No.

Sooper secret response for arsenicjade Dr O: (sigh) sometimes I just get so overwhelmed, I don't know whether to start from the left or from the right.

4. I want Burger King. I KNOW YOU THINK I MEAN THE FOOD, BUT NO, I MEAN THE BURGER KING. ROWR.

PSYCH, I WAS KIDDING. I WANT ME A WHOPPER. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. NO I MEAN THE BURGER. BUT WITH ONLY CHEESE, ONION, KETCHUP, MUSTARD AND PICKLES. IT'S LIKE ASKING THEM TO MAKE YOU A CHEESE BURGER THAT IS 2X THE SIZE! BOO YAH!

5. Yet another reason why Pittsburgh is an awesome place to live. Excerpt: "We wanted to do this street theater to energize people," said Mr. Buba, who wore a name tag bearing the name of UPMC board member G. Nicholas Beckwith III for the mock meeting. "The zombie link works because zombies have an insatiable appetite for human flesh and UPMC seems to have an insatiable appetite for chewing up our communities."

6. It started to snow here in the evening. I put on Ashokan Farewell and stood outside in the drift for about 20 minutes. Good times.

7. I bought this and lost it years ago (I might have given it to a co-worker in the English Department and never got it back; we're squirrely like that.), and I think I might get it again. LOL that amazon remembers that I bought it on April 13, 2003. Oh sad sad sad. :(

8. I'M GONNA SPEND MY MUTHERFUCKING CRIMMAS WITH A MUTHERFUCKING DALEK, BITCHES.

9. I take back all the bad things I was thinking about Dexter. I just got to the point where he tells Cody he'll go to his school for his report on Saudi Arabia.

10. DEAR CRUENTUM, I AM NOT YOUR SANTA, BUT I WROTE YOU FLUFFY SCOTT/JB RPS. No, it wasn't me. I wish it had been.

1. OMG John and Paul in CSI: Sgt Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band. I wish I could explain it myself.

2. The hlh_shortcuts Highlander Holiday Fic Exchange starts posting today. I have to get off my fat arse.

3. emquilxy sent me the following link in a textless email simply entitled, ROAD TRIP!

4. [my thoughts on lj's latest thing that fandom has freaked out about here]

5. [my thoughts on liberals]

6. [my thoughts on yaoi]

7. [the change from the transaction I had last night with your mom]

8. [it was a quarter]

9. Today is Julie London day.

10. I'm too busy to talk to you people. Go on. Scram.