amand_r

This past weekend I took my kid to DC to see her family and also the pandas, who are like family. Like the shark the panda had millions of razor sharp teeth, which they use like a hacksaw to cut through bone, candy and fences. The Chinese believe that if you find a discarded panda tooth, you have the power to summons Godzilla!

Ahem.

So yeah, here was our trip, pictoral style:

( VIVI AND MANDER GO TO DC (NOT DRAGON*CON) )

STAY TUNED FOR THE HALLOWEEN COOKIE DISASTER.

Naw man.

HELLS YEAH:

Spot the addition. I LOFF IT.

Also, Sam mocked this up for me ages ago, and I never uploaded it, DESPITE HOW LOLARIOUS IT IS. I can't lj cut this. I just can't.

1. So last night I'm writing a check to the cemetery to put a summer box of flowers at Tianyu's grave, and they ask for the location, and I don't know what the fuck that is. I'll have to dig it out. But I'm sitting there filling out the rest of the goddamn form, and I find myself crying and apologising to Tianyu, and I don't even know what the fuck for. For the flowers, maybe. That that's all I can give him now, maybe. That I rarely go there. I can't look at it. I don't know what to say to it. It's just kind of there. That stone isn't for me. I would have cremated him and sent his ashes to George Takei to dispose of as he saw fit. Or Christopher Lambert. NO NO. JET LI.

Dear Mister Li:

Enclosed is your future.

Sincerely,

Yul Brynner's Rotting Corpse


2. ENOUGH OF THAT BULLSHIT. DON'T ASK ME TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU, WARREN.

(NSFW)



I missed you, threebrain.

3. apparently Scott Baio just went insane, which I am surprised at, because really, Goats has been making fun of Scott for a while.

You know what I'd like to see? Certain celebs given a twitter and free time to use it and get all wrapped up in it, so that we can see the meltdowns we really deserve. Candidates are: Mel Gibson, Debbie Gibson, Naomi Campbell (we might have to supply additional phones), Kirk Cameron PLEASE GOD KIRK CAMERON. Maybe the youngest kid from Hanson.

4. How a shark gets ready.

5. Lastly, let us all take a moment to appreciate the fine lyrical genius of Salt N Pepa's 1993 masterpiece, "None Of Your Business":

I never put my nose where I'm not supposed to,
Believe me, if he's something that I want, I'm steppin' closer,
I'm not one for playing high-pole
Like the house of ditty 90210 type of ho.
I treat a man like he treats me;
The difference between a hooker and a ho ain't nothin' but a fee.

I feel as if I have been enlightened. I'd also like to mention:

So, yo, so, yo, ho - check it, double deck it on a record butt-naked, but you really have to listen to it: at 2:36

It's also worth it to note that dating the song in the text of the song does not do the song any favours, except that I think that it's charming in a way (1:20). Also, let's give the ladies props for putting a same sex couple in a video back in 1993 (3:14), nicely placed during the line about how no one has the right to judge others. I know it feels like a pittance, but one thing I always admired about SnP was that they were always open minded and fairly liberated in some ways. (Heaven and Hell passes the Bechdel test in a time when most songs were about relationships. The last track on the album is a short skit about HIV from an inner city improv group).

SO, YO, SO YO HO.

( Bonus! )

1. Sometimes, I am reminded again why I love the internets.

2. HE CAME FROM THE PLANET OF SOY. WARRIOR OF JUSTICE, KIKKOMAN



3. SERIOUSLY, THIS WOULD HAVE MADE ME WANT TO DONATE MONEY TO HAITI. I DID DONATE, BUT NOW I WANT TO DONATE MORE: FUCK YEAH.

Title: Leviathan 3/3
Author: amand_r
Prompt: Jaws
Characters: Jack, Gwen, Ianto, random OCs
Rating: R for violence
Wordcount: 24,700
Spoilers: You don't have to have seen Jaws. But you should. You really should. All canon through season two of Torchwood is assumed.
Disclaimer: I do not have any rights over Jaws and/or Torchwood, nor can or do I make any money off any fictive enterprises that I might undertake with them. All I have are a handful of Skittles that are all warm in my pocket. Sue me and taste the linty rainbow, people.
Author's Notes: Read it before you go swimming. In Wales. Where it's cold.
Real Author's Notes: Thanks to misswinterhill and joanwilder for the beta goodness. And to the mods, for patience. alba17, you're beyond deification. Also, I might've played merry cob with maritime authorisation rules, though for the most part, jurisdictions et al are correctly observed. I'm not Tom Clancy. Also, I wrote this to so much techno, I might have given myself an arrhythmia.
Summary: South Wales had everything. Clear skies. Gentle surf. Warm water. People flocked there every summer. No wait, they didn't. That doesn't really matter. It was the perfect feeding ground anyway.

PREVIOUSLY, ON TORCHWOOD: Part One, Part Two

( OFF THE COAST OF WALES, SUMMER TIME: )

Title: Leviathan 1/3
Author: amand_r
Prompt: Jaws
Characters: Jack, Gwen, Ianto, random OCs
Rating: R for violence
Wordcount: 24,700
Spoilers: You don't have to have seen Jaws. But you should. You really should. All canon through season two of Torchwood is assumed.
Disclaimer: I do not have any rights over Jaws and/or Torchwood, nor can or do I make any money off any fictive enterprises that I might undertake with them. All I have are a handful of Skittles that are all warm in my pocket. Sue me and taste the linty rainbow, people.
Author's Notes: Read it before you go swimming. In Wales. Where it's cold.
Real Author's Notes: Thanks to misswinterhill and joanwilder for the beta goodness. And to the mods, for patience. alba17, you're beyond deification. Also, I might've played merry cob with maritime authorisation rules, though for the most part, jurisdictions et al are correctly observed. I'm not Tom Clancy. Also, I wrote this to so much techno, I might have given myself an arrhythmia.
Summary: South Wales had everything. Clear skies. Gentle surf. Warm water. People flocked there every summer. No wait, they didn't. That doesn't really matter. It was the perfect feeding ground anyway.

( OFF THE COAST OF WALES, SUMMER TIME: )

1. You always wanted to know the weather, Star Wars style. Unfortunately, most cities I entered are much like Hoth right now. Enter a city it doesn't know. LOL.

2. Thanks, valancy_joy for the awesome package! No spoilers for those yet to arrive at others', but it was adorable!

3. There was some debate last night on Twitter about who would win: Jaws or a velociraptor, ( and I felt that 140 characters is not enough space for me to explain the reason Jaws would KICK THE VELOCIRAPTOR'S ARSE: )

4. If you haven't added a drink recipe to the list, please do so! Drunkards here!

5. ( She's…a spinner. )

6. ( Links to all the anon fic from the Santa Meme. )

If I'm missing any, let me know.

REEL TW due today. Yeah. Uhm.

ETA: A VELOCIRAPTOR RIDING JAWS. THAT IS EFFING RIGHT.

1. If you get a card from me, will you let me know? I want to post the designs, but I want to wait until they've been about for a while. I haven't said it before, but thank you lefaym and used_songs for the cards!

2. ( JAWS, AN EXCERPT: )


3. Hey! This week, I wanna make a post for all of us imbibers who like a good holiday cocktail. So if you have a good one, yank out the recipe so we can share later this week, okay?

4. SATURDAY, THERE WAS A BIRFDAY! ( And here's how it went down. )

All right then! Carry on!