amand_r

Hello all, it's been a while, so I shall UPDATE BY NUMBERS.

1. Cookies have been awesome. I am taking a break. I have many new things that I want to try, but they aren't going to ship well in this heat. That said, if you ever want some cookies, feel free to drop me a line. I am now making shit on demand. Except the chocolate caramel shortbread. They are a pain in the ass.

2. Kidlet is done with preschool! Well, for this year at least. I have embarrassing video, but I am too lazy to upload it.

3. My computer died recently! It was horrible. I was trying to log on, and it kept telling me my user profile couldn't load properly. After shedding bitter tears, I managed to save all my files from safe mode onto an external drive, and then I had to reinstall the OS from factory settings. Strange how everything runs now. On the other hand, there's something cleansing about getting a fresh start.

4. I have been reading a great deal. You can find my reading on Goodreads. Right now I'm reading about the monster of Florence.

5. I MADE PASTA FROM SCRATCH. IT WAS AWESOME.

6. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS AWESOME? HOT DOGS.

7. Here is the story of how I am bitter:

One day I started watching Wire in the Blood. I watched 2 eps and then forgot. Then a month later I was all, “I should check out Wire in the Blood”, and lo, I already had. I resumed my watching. BY THE WAY the special with Tony in Texas was the best thing ever. I lolled so hard. Anyway, I got to the end of season 6 when [spoiler] and it ends with [spoiler] and Then I click ed the “Next” button on the Netflix streaming screen.

Nothing happened. I looked and saw they only had up to season six. Never mind, I will download the torrent somewhere.

That's right, in my head I had convinced myself that there are 8 seasons.

Oh wait, no, that's Waking the Dead.

It became increasingly difficult to locate the season seven torrent No one had it. I was going to do a shot out to my flist. Then I decided to see when it was released. So I checked wikipedia.

Boy, am I bitter. WHAT A FUCKING WAY TO END. NOT TWIN PEAKS EPIC, BUT JESUS.

8. I read the new Sookie Stackhouse. Yeah.

9. I had so many things to say! I have no idea where they went.

10. Lastly, I have a novella/thing coming out in October, and the publisher, Candlemark and Gleam was nice enough to send me promo postcard things to distribute. I was thinking of handwriting some short short stories and offering to send them to people for postage. Would anyone be interested? Want one? I guess if you sent me five bucks, I could send you the card and a half a dozen cookies. Or something.

Postage has gone up package wise, by the way. That's how they get ya.

Off to read more about excising vaginas.

I have many photo dumps to do, but here is today's. COOKING ADVENTURES!

( TK-421, WHY AREN'T YOU AT YOUR POST? )

1. GAH.

ME: Blah blah blah.
THERAPIST: Blah blah BLAH blah. ::eyebrows::
ME: Blah Blah. ::wavey hands::
THERAPIST: AH HAH. THERE IT IS!
ME: Whut?
THERAPIST: There's your problem! Your issue!
ME: ::smacks head:: GODDAMMIT.
THERAPIST: Ha ha ha! Found it! NOW YOUR REAL THERAPY CAN BEGIN.
ME: SHITBEARS!
THERAPIST: YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD HIDE IT.
ME: SHUT UP, RAFIKI.
THERAPIST: Same time next week?
ME: Yes please.


2. MBABB IS AT 137,350. That sounds impressive until you realise that on 6/27 I had 125,242, so this month I have only done 12,108 on it. SHITBEARS.

3. I'm going to start taking my prozac at night and see if that doesn't cure my exhaustion during the day.

4. Because I can't leave well enough alone, the current ep I'm working on:

They both jumped into the SUV and Maggie started the car, turning the heater on full blast. It hadn't been off long enough to have completely cooled down and the warmth spread across Lois's hose-covered legs. Bliss.

"Lo," Maggie said, tucking the tickets into the sun visor, "please tell me you packed denims or some other heavy work trousers."

Lois shrugged. "I have slacks and a pair of coveralls."

Maggie sighed. "Okay, we have a little bit of time, and the Quay is open." She pointed to the hulking shopping arena that boasted hundreds of outlet stores. "Lois Habiba, you need to dress for a mess."

"Dress for a mess," Lois deadpanned as she pulled her shit coffee from the cup-holder and took a sip. Absence did not make the tongue grow fonder. Maggie started the SUV and pulled out of the Wightlink lot.

"I bet they have a Starbucks," Maggie sang.

Lois gestured at the windshield with the cup. "Sally forth, my good woman."

That is all.

ETA: IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME.

1. Okay, John Sacrimoni of course is a horrible man, but one thing I will give him is that he, unlike a lot Of the others, he genuinely loves Ginny and the girls. He even gets into planning the seating (granted he's in the can), but I honestly watch the guy in the show and the affection he shows for his wife and daughters is more than I can say for any number of the others.

2. aster_laevis sent me the link and she told me it was painted just for me. Io9 cals it The Most Self-Explanatory Painting in Human History. THEY ARE CORRECT.

3. While at the salon getting highlights today, the hairdresser next to me was waiting to hear about her dog, who picked a fight with a bigger dog and was pretty badly wounded and in surgery and things. So We're all sitting there and her phone rings and we're all sitting there listening and she says something to her husband and then all of a sudden she says "Really?" in that sobby voice where you know someone's gonna cry. Se says something about how good it is, and you know that the dog's okay, but she's sobbing in those high pitched sobs, and I'm getting watery, and she's covering her face and she can't speak, and the woman in her chair is wiping her eyes, and people are looking over all over the salon. She's talking to her husband and crying and my hair dresser is all teared up, and when it was all over, everyone in the salon was in some sort of tears. She's apologising, and we're all wiping our faces and then she tells us that she was fine, but her husband was crying on the other end, and that set her off. LAWL.

4. I want a mortadella sandwich.

5. COOKING FAIL! ( PICS INSIDE! )

6. Also, ( more random pics. )

I made cheddar crust apple pie. IT SMELLS AWESOME.

1. Happy Birthday, Lord Byron. I still hate your fucking poetry but want to be your drinking buddy.

2. My kid has discovered the miracle that is Disney Princess SpaghettiOs with meatballs whereas mommy feels like her childhood has been whupped upside the head with a cricket bat.

3. "At the age of 22 Conan applied for a job at Mrs. Fields, but sadly never received a call back," John Lauck, President of Mrs. Fields, tells the Daily News. "We want to officially call you back, and make amends for what we now know was a huge oversight in talent recruitment." OH I LOVE YOU.

BORDERS! I APPLIED FOR A JOB IN 2006! AND 2003! CALL ME! (omg what is wrong with me that you don't want me? Is my hair too natural looking? I CAN CHANGE! MY LIFE FOR YOU! MY LI—WELL NO, BUT—WELL, YEAH, IF YOU ESSENTIALLY CONSIDER THAT I AM OFFERING HOURS OF MY LIFE TO WORK IN YOUR STORE IN EXCHANGE FOR MONEY, I LITERALLY AM TRADING MY LIFE FOR MONEY. HIRE ME! I CAN INDEX AND COLOUR CODE, USE A STEP STOOL AND LOOK PRETENTIOUS AND BE ABSENT WHEN CUSTOMERS NEED HELP! I COULD DO THAT FOR YOU.)

4. I started using a new conditioner, and I gotta tell you people, it smells fucking fantastic. I don't know that it's any better or worse than what I was using before, conditioner wise, but it SMELLS GREAT. I HAVE BEEN HUFFING MY HAIR ALL DAY.

5. The following conversation also occurred.

Me: Wanna listen to Dream?
Her: No. Sleep!
Me: You want to go to sleep?
Her: Yeaaaaaah.
Me: You never want to go to sleep. What, are you on crack?
Her: Oh yeah, okay crack.
Me: I wasn't offering.

Then she spent fifteen minutes trying to cram the stuffed giraffe into her ski pants. OH I HAVEN'T SHOWED YOU THE GIRAFFE AND HIS CLOTHING ADVENTURES. ( I have been remiss. )

6. opium_and_tea I owe you, and it's partially done! I have showed it to peoples! So, soon, but I need to pause-button today to work some shit out in RL. Muther fuckers.

7. mini-meme: Five Favorite Female Characters, because I ain't putting pics up for you: a) Princess Fucking Leia, b) Vanyel's Aunt Savil in the Last Herald Mage books, c) Gwen Cooper, d) Lt. Anita Van Buren on the Original Law and Order, e) Buffy Summers, BONUS: f) Amy Gardner, from the West Wing (possibly also Nancy Botwin, Mary Louise Marker's character from Weeds)

Thanks to Xiao di di, I now have WONDERWALL GOING THROUGH MY HEAD, AND THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SCRUB IT CLEAN, LIKE A MISTER CLEAN MAGIC ERASER IN MY SKULL, IS MIKA. I HATE YOU, NICHOLAS H. CRUENTUM. I COME FROM THE LAND OF COAL; YOU'RE LUCKY IT'S SO FUCKING HEAVY OR I'D SEND YOU A BIG OLD LUMP OF IT. I was going to make a joke about squeezing it so hard you make a diamond to present to JB at panto, but it involved buttocks, and that's just not funny.

( Sometimes I surprise the fuck out of myself. Today is not one of those days. )

I bet some days you wonder why you even click on my lj cuts. :P I know why you do, you saucy minxes.

For a long while I have been depressed about fandom. I read things on my flist and then get mad or sad, or even worse, intimidated. In fact, last night I had convinced myself that the only way to keep myself from being depressed and upset all the time was to just up and leave fandom.

This isn't a new struggle for me. I take what everyone says with a great deal of more weight than it is probably intended. I can remember comments to things that I write for ages. I think once Jotribe said that I over-explained in One Thousand, and to this day I think of that when I write, because I don't want to make the same mistake (though I am willing to bet that I have.).

( Anyway, I let the Brit pickers get to me. )

And there's more. ( I let fandom's bitchery in general get to me. )

I don't know where this post is going to take me. But I do know where I want to start:

( With a few post its chronicling my depression. Can we call it fanpression? I know how Fandom loves those portmanteaus. )

( And then a few random ones that have no context, really. )

( And then finally, ones I made for omnijaxual while I was in Ohio. )

And I have a few people to thank, actually. I want to thank cruentum, neifile7, paragraphs and blue_fjords, because they have spent the past few days, whether they know it or not, helping me come to this conclusion, whether it was because they were there to talk to, or cheerful, or sending me private messages and emails about options and things that I could do to make fandom easier without leaving it entirely.

I want to thank arsenicjade, because she's been down this road, and while I don't know of she solved her problem, thinking about her situation helped me put mine in perspective.

So thanks guys. I owe you steak. I'll even cover Crue's in lube for him.