SIGNUP FOR THE MANDER BIG ASS BANG

[amand_r]

I totally forgot this was April Fool's when I did this. Seriously people, I'm doing this. I don't celebrate AF. Tomorrow is D-Day.

I STOLE THIS FROM tw_bigbang. THEN I ADDED SHIT.

Author(s): amand_r
Contact email: amandr at gmail dot com
I intend to write: TORCHWOOD, SEASON FOUR. THAT'S RIGHT. (WORKING TITLE)
Genre: Action/Drama/Episode/Comedy/Thingy
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Jack, Gwen, Dee, Lois, Maggie, Ianto, Rhys, asstd aliens and peeps. Ianto. OH AND DUNCAN. YAY DUNCAN.
Deadline: August 30
Posting date: September 15
Beta: The BIG BLUE AWESOME.
STORY WILL CONTAIN: a whorehouse, a casino, a knock off of a Buffy plot, a dinosaur, a doppelganger, a grudgefuck, a sadfuck, a funny fuck, a wild goose chase. Oh, and aliens. Duh.

ETA: big messy sandwiches.

Is there anything my sign up is missing?

TORCHWOOD SEASON 4: CHARACTER SUMMATIONS IN QUOTES

OPENING QUOTE:

Historians have often argued that military institutions study the last war, and that is why they perform badly in the next. Few myths perpetrated by historians could be more misleading. In fact, those military institutions that honestly examine history can learn crucial lessons; those that refuse to heed the past pay a terrible price in the lives of their soldiers and, in some cases, their national existence. (Williamson Murray, Germany's fatal blunders: Teutonic military history of the 20th century was marked by tactical brilliance but undone by strategic incompetence)

GWEN: […..]


MAGGIE:

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.
--Don McLean, 'American Pie'

DEE:

I'm a soldier, born to stand
in this waking hell I am
witnessing more than I can compute.
Pray myself we don't forget
lies, betrayed and the oppressed;
Please give me the strength to be the truth
--Yoko Kanno, 'Rise'

LOIS: [……]

IANTO:

I don't speak, I float in the air wrapped in a sheet
I'm not a real person, I'm a ghost trapped in a beat
--Eminem, 'Bad Meets Evil (feat. Royce Da Five-Nine)'

JACK:

I have one piece of advice for you: no matter what a stripper tells you, there's no sex in the Champagne Room. NONE! Oh there's CHAMPAGNE in the Champagne Room, but you don't want champagne. You want sex, and there's NO sex in the Champagne Room. (Chris Rock, 'No Sex (in the Champagne Room)')

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Comments

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

AN ORGY.

But the grudgefuck was a great addition!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I don't think the orgy will be happening. But the grudgefuck is a must. YEAH.

I almost made Jack's quote: "Cornbread--ain't nothing wrong with that." But I would be the only one who thinks it's remotely funny.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

No, that line is definitely funny. :D

[dremiel.livejournal.com]

Last time you quoted that I had to make cornbread, like, that minute...but it's Passover so no fucking cornbread for me *sob*!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HAAHAHAAH I SAW CORNBREAD IN THE STORE AND I ALMOST BOUGHT IT.


AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT (UNLESS YOU ARE A JEW).

[dremiel.livejournal.com]

...and it is Passover.

Man, this matzoh us tasty today! Yummo!


The real kicker? I'm not even Jewish; I just play one on TV.

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

put in large messy sandwiches.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Hrm. I could do that.

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

they need sustenance after those grudgefucks!

for LULZ...here is an ad that come with your emailed comment:

Jack Owen is in too deep.
"Owe Nothing": Working-class Heroes Offbeat Adventure set in Vancouver

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

OH LOLOR5.

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

whoops. see my previous comment. apply Freud. innuendo laden typos free of charge.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HAAHAHAHAAH.

[(Anonymous)]

aw man you have a big bang, i want one also haha

crue

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

GET ONE. SIGN ON FOR MAH THING.

[cruentum.livejournal.com]

I can't write cool awesxome storuies. I'm sad like that. I'll so miss the one deadline i have :(

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

BULLSHIT. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOUR FALSEHOODS.

[cruentum.livejournal.com]

I know. lol. doesnt change them. jesus where did mah confidence go, it's like sitting outside in the rain gutter or something. i dunno - mah writing it's *handwavey* i'll just watch other people have fun and feel like i'm not part of something (god I sound like rtd in his bloody book, lulz)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

STOP LISTENING TO RTD.

[mtgat]

Is this part of the previously-mentioned "ghost" thing?

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

:D

[sqyd.livejournal.com]

So you are writing this, RIGHT? There is a special place in Hell for teases. (Somewhere between Catholic priests and J. Edgar Hoover.)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

YA DUDE.

[alba17.livejournal.com]

Wow! Good luck.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

We shall see!

[blue-fjords.livejournal.com]

The BIG BLUE AWESOME.

Imma gonna hafta change my name to this. I have a period in my name. Like, full stop. "Who's that, Jim-Bob?" "That there is The BIG BLUE AWESOME." No other intro required.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

THIS IS SO TRUE.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Nick told me what you are up to. I love it. Knowing what beautiful you can pull off in a short amount of time, this will be insanely fun to read. As always, if you need Other Eyes, I own a willing pair.

I want to do a big bang fic, after I am done with reel_torchwood. I want very much to do that fic-no-one-will-read-cuz-you-know, it's Alonso and Jack, and sci-fi space monsters.

How does this deadline feel? Good? I should do that. I should wake up too.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

OMG SIGN UP FOR THE MANDER BIG BANG. WITH THE THING. THAT ONLY WE WILL READ, WHICH IS A LIT. IT HAS JACK. AND ALONSO. DO IT.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

LOl there IS a Mander Big Bang? I think I might do that. August 30th, huh?

Hmmmm...

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

THE DEADLINE IS AUG 30. POSTING IS SEPT 15.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Where do I sign up, here or mah own lj, with MANDER BIG BANG on it? We should get Nick to do it even though he says he can't do it. He could be a Little Bang.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

DO IT IN YOUR OWN JOURNAL. HAAHAHAHA IT'LL BE A THING.

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

LOL okay I will do that. I need to figure it out a little better before I do so as I haven't thought about it too deeply yet.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Mine is just scribbled and a file full of c/p quotes and song lyrics. SOOOOOOOOOO GOOD.

[curriejean.livejournal.com]

Oh god, I'm going to end up writing fic for your fic, aren't I. Subfic. Whee!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HAAHAHAHAHA. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.

Let see if it's any good forst, shall we?

[curriejean.livejournal.com]

Well, don't make it too good, or I won't have anything to write about. XD

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I am sure there will be gaps. Like Gold Dust.

[behindblue-eyes.livejournal.com]

I love how all of Jack's immortal wisdom can be summed up by "no sex in the Champagne Room".

*reads Ianto's quote*

Oh... This is gonna be good. I SUPPORT THIS. *is excited*

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

JACK: CORNBREAD--AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

GWEN: GEMINI--YOU'RE GONNA DIE TWICE!

[behindblue-eyes.livejournal.com]

They should've paid more attention to that part about not going to parties with a metal detector at the door...

OH NOW I MADE MYSELF SAD

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HAAAHAHAHAH YOU WIN. YOU WIN THE INTERNETS.

[behindblue-eyes.livejournal.com]

BOOYAH

Now if only I could finish my reel_torchwood fic and I would win at life. :(

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

omg great quotes for everyone, but ianto's and jack's made me HAPPY!