amand_r: (doctor who/HARRIET JONES)
1. Guess what you can't wipe up with a Clorox wet nap? Baking Soda. Nope, if spills on the floor and you go to wipe it up, but you just end up pushing it around on the lino. Then when you give up and try to scoop as much of it as you can see, you realize you have just thinned it to an invisible coating of baking soda. And then for days when you step in that area in your socks, you get a squidgy feeling as you slide around in it. Then you realize that you put this in your body: A POWDER THAT CANNOT BE DISSOLVED AND PICKED UP BY THE LIQUID IN A CHLOROX WIPE. (Spider has since informed me that I can clean it with vinegar. Thanks, babe.)

2. Squeezing lemons when your hands are chapped to the point of cracking is not the smartest idea in the universe, lightbulb. However, if you put your fingers in baggies and put a rubber band at the base of each finger, you get to race the clock to see if the pain from cracked skin or the pain from listing feeling in the fingers will make you stop first.

The answer is NEITHER BECAUSE I AM THAT BADASS.

3. Me: Viv, are you done pooping?
Her: No. I got to chillax.
Me: What?
Her: Just chillax, mama.

4. I drove behind a Bronco II that had this on a paper taped to the back windshield: I WILLNOT SPEED JUST TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. I SLOW DOWN FOR TAILGATERS.

5. I have many thoughts on Rhianna's S&M. Some of them are not good. Most of them are nonchalant, which as we all know, is the opposite of chalant. Not to be confused with chalet, or Swiss Chalet, which makes me think of Swiss steak, which makes me want steak. Or those onions that come on top of steak sometimes. When you make a bowl of sautéed onions and mushrooms to put on steak and meats, that's called the kitty. I eat the kitty on fried sweetbreads. Now I want to watch Josie and the Pussycats. Dujour means swiss steak!

6. I DID A THING. )
amand_r: (spartans dine)
It's no secret that I'm a total unfaithful music whore. I never buy albums anymore. I find things on youtube and pandora and then I buy them. Sometiems, like with K'naan, I do become a fan of all their stuff. But until I hear more of their shit, I stay to the few songs I have.

Here's what's on replay on my iPod. )
amand_r: (tw/ianto hello!)
1.



2. CANT. STOP. LAUGHING.

3. BUTT.

4. WRITING RCBW STOP SUCKING ASS STOP NOT YOUR ASS STOP YOUR MOM'S STOP HA HA I JUST MADE A YOUR MOM JOKE IN A TELEGRAM STOP EXCEPT THIS ISN'T A TELEGRAM SEMICOLON IT'S A POST ON THE INTERNET STOP I GUESS THESE SHOULD BE CLOSE TAGS OR SOMETHING STOP IS THAT TOO META QUESTION MARK STOP I DUNNO I'M JUST SAYING I HAVE BEEN WATCHING A LOT OF FAMILY GUY STOP WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT QUESTION MARK STOP OH YEAH I'M WRITING AND IT'S NOT GOING WELL STOP MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH TRYING TO WRITE ANGST WHILST HAVING A HEAD FULL OF AN INFANT SAYING 'WHAT THE DEUCE' QUESTION MARK STOP AND AN ALCOHOLIC DOG WHO SINGS SHOWTUNES STOP.

5. I have one sentence of wholas. One. It's four lines long. Wharton, you say? You will recognise my story this week because it will be the only one that, whilst you read it, in your head it's narrated by Joanne Woodward.
amand_r: (meat/you had me at bacon)
I am going to complain about some things. I'm just talking off the top of my head, and when I feel better, I'm sure I'll be more rational about most of them. Except the play doh one. That shit blows.

1. I hate snow.

2. I hate being tired.

3. I hate dry fucking play doh. Play doh, why are you dry? I just bought you!

4. I don't want to work on either of the things left that I said I would work on this month, fic-wise (secret project one or bodyswap), and lust is too easy for TW, so I'm not interested in it, except to do all seven deadly sins. So now I'm going through my open fics folder, looking for things to play with. I found something, but meh.

5. This morning like three things pissed me the fuck off. They were not big things. And yesterday with the chairs. So I'mma about to work something through here. The following exchange was had as I shoveled snow this afternoon and screamed at the kid for eating snow. (WTF she's a kid, me.).

Me: Jesus, I'm grumpy.
Self: I know! And it happens more often!
Me: It's as if every month, man, things that I would normally lol about set me off.
Self: I know! Every month...
Me: Oh.

I'm a bit of a moron in this venue, because I have been blessed for the most part by the menstruation gods. I never got any physical signs, but you could set your clock to it on a 32-day cycle. And I knew, I just knew the moment it started, and haven't had surprise!menstruation! issues ever. I might have had cramps, but that was because sometimes I aggravated myself with caffeine, and ibuprofen took care of it.

I thought it was having a kid, but apparently this happens to a lot of women in their thirties, this whole onset PMS thing. Sorry, five dudes on my flist, but my breasts get sore a week ahead of time now, or maybe 1 ½ weeks, and I get cramping on the second or third day. It never occurred to me to check my moods.

I don't like this being a prisoner to my brain and what it does. I know that everyone has tics and eccentricities, that's what makes us all different and bizarre, but this knowledge that my body is fucking with my head on a regular basis makes me cranky in a whole new way.

So, are there any things I can….take for it? I'll confess that when I was a pagan, I did a lot of research into herbalism, and I'm not the biggest fan of it, but I'll try to be all…enlightened and shit. I'm not using black kohosh, sorry. I really don't know what I'll do. I guess the best way to do it would to be to make a chart, a spreadsheet, a something.

And if you are one of the people who might have felt my teeth in the past few days, I am truly sorry.

6. Oh look, a Highlander/Torchwood I haven't finished. Hello, lover.
amand_r: (the asian persuasion)
[livejournal.com profile] arsenicjade is here for Chinese New Year! Ordinarily I would be up to my elbows in dough right now!

Mother nature has other plans [insert bad rimming joke here]. )
amand_r: (the server is robust)
1. Sometimes when your kid is doing an overnighter at her grandparents, you go to bed at 3 and wake up at 2:43. And then IT IS TIME FOR BIB FORTUNA.



2. So I dredged up some old issues that I have with fandom last night and they made me depressed and worried. Why do I do that to myself? Bah.

3. Then I had a dream that I was trying to...save some of my old CDs or something, and someone told me that what I was doing wouldn't preserve them, and I scoffed at them, and then I ended breaking them, and I should have fit them back together, but they had cooled like bent shrinkydinks in addition to being broken. I cannot help but worry that my brain is telling me something about what dredges up number 2. Hrm.

4. Hair: cut thyself. Accio haircut. Hrm.

5. Snow. Uh huh.

6. So a lot of you read the RPF yesterday, and a lot of you commented, which is awesome. There was some general…amusement and also wondering what the subjects themselves thought (and genuine concern that they were aware of this). So I'll inform the worried that yes, they saw it before you did, in a locked post right below yours, in which we had a discussion about what it was like. I have been told that I can share what they had to say (edited to cut certain things that are too personal for you. sorry! :P)

Nick, Amanda and Carolyn have thinky thoughts. )

Jeffrey Jones: ...Well. There you have it.

*Emperoresque flounce*
amand_r: (tw/janet likes you)
i am not signing up for reel_tw again
i am not signing up for reel_tw again
i am not signing up for reel_tw again

BUT BUT BUT:

REAR WINDOW.

REAR. WINDOW.

I am thinking that Ianto would be the obvious choice for Jimmy Stewart's character, but because I like to be contrary, I'd find a way to make it Jack. OR Tosh. Can't you see Tosh flipping her shit over her neighbours while she's laid up?

I can.

OMG. NO.

EDIT: OR OWEN. HOLY SHIT OWEN.
amand_r: (COFFEE)
This is just to say that

I like that whole, "Oh, do you only like heterosexual sex?" bit.
Oh, do you only like dill pickles?
Oh, do you only like Shakespeare's early work?
Oh, did you want the plums from the ice box?
I ate them.
Forgive me.
They were delicious.
So sweet.
And so gay.

ALSO: LONGDOG IS LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.
amand_r: (drwho/daleks!)
1. Happy Birthday, Lord Byron. I still hate your fucking poetry but want to be your drinking buddy.

2. My kid has discovered the miracle that is Disney Princess SpaghettiOs with meatballs whereas mommy feels like her childhood has been whupped upside the head with a cricket bat.

3. "At the age of 22 Conan applied for a job at Mrs. Fields, but sadly never received a call back," John Lauck, President of Mrs. Fields, tells the Daily News. "We want to officially call you back, and make amends for what we now know was a huge oversight in talent recruitment." OH I LOVE YOU.

BORDERS! I APPLIED FOR A JOB IN 2006! AND 2003! CALL ME! (omg what is wrong with me that you don't want me? Is my hair too natural looking? I CAN CHANGE! MY LIFE FOR YOU! MY LI—WELL NO, BUT—WELL, YEAH, IF YOU ESSENTIALLY CONSIDER THAT I AM OFFERING HOURS OF MY LIFE TO WORK IN YOUR STORE IN EXCHANGE FOR MONEY, I LITERALLY AM TRADING MY LIFE FOR MONEY. HIRE ME! I CAN INDEX AND COLOUR CODE, USE A STEP STOOL AND LOOK PRETENTIOUS AND BE ABSENT WHEN CUSTOMERS NEED HELP! I COULD DO THAT FOR YOU.)

4. I started using a new conditioner, and I gotta tell you people, it smells fucking fantastic. I don't know that it's any better or worse than what I was using before, conditioner wise, but it SMELLS GREAT. I HAVE BEEN HUFFING MY HAIR ALL DAY.

5. The following conversation also occurred.

Me: Wanna listen to Dream?
Her: No. Sleep!
Me: You want to go to sleep?
Her: Yeaaaaaah.
Me: You never want to go to sleep. What, are you on crack?
Her: Oh yeah, okay crack.
Me: I wasn't offering.

Then she spent fifteen minutes trying to cram the stuffed giraffe into her ski pants. OH I HAVEN'T SHOWED YOU THE GIRAFFE AND HIS CLOTHING ADVENTURES. I have been remiss. )

6. [livejournal.com profile] opium_and_tea I owe you, and it's partially done! I have showed it to peoples! So, soon, but I need to pause-button today to work some shit out in RL. Muther fuckers.

7. mini-meme: Five Favorite Female Characters, because I ain't putting pics up for you: a) Princess Fucking Leia, b) Vanyel's Aunt Savil in the Last Herald Mage books, c) Gwen Cooper, d) Lt. Anita Van Buren on the Original Law and Order, e) Buffy Summers, BONUS: f) Amy Gardner, from the West Wing (possibly also Nancy Botwin, Mary Louise Marker's character from Weeds)
amand_r: (the server is robust)
1. In an email, [livejournal.com profile] neifile7 said: While you're on your mission to subvert as many fandom tropes as possible, I'd love to see you do a sort of anti-h/c one of these days. But I'm not sure what that would look like, yet.

I'm not sure either, but I am intrigued. Anyone have any thoughts?

2. I cannot speak for all of the flavours, but omg Maple Bacon Lollipops? YES, PLEASE. They are good. So good.

3. I found the context of this page LOLARIOUS. (h/t [livejournal.com profile] lastrega)

4. please no more grindcore at 3 am (h/t [livejournal.com profile] lastrega again)

I have nothing of any substance today. Sorry. Fic later. And it is the fluffiest thing I have ever written.
amand_r: (Default)
1. I know how much you all like to make fun of me, so let me tell you a story called, Amand-r and the Smoke Detector That Won't Stop Fucking Beeping. )

2. I was in the Rite-Aid buying kitty litter the other day when I stumbled upon all the Valentine's Day stuff, and I immediately did my rendition of, 'IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME OF THE YEAR' because now is when you can get CONVERSATION HEARTS. )

3. After a few days of pretty much having a tenuous grasp on reality, I have decided that there are many forms of defined hallucinations: auditory, aural…uhm, other kinds. But they don't really have a word for the point where you think of shit and say, "Man, that's a great idea," and you write it down for later, and then when you're feeling better you go over the ramblings of your crack-addled mind and think, "What the hell was wrong with me?" I have decided to call these "conceptual hallucinations."

4. I love writing these things so much. Writing about this and the thing about the Snuggie from December makes me wish that I could make them cohesive enough to make into a book.

5. So We held gold dust in our hands was nommed in the kink category over that the forbidden awards, and I'm of two minds. One, I want to win because hey! Yay! BUT, and this is a big but because I like big buts and I cannot lie, there are at least three other stories that I think are kinkier than mine, in the good way. Trixie, Wynkat and Frostie all have stellar stories nommed in there, and I feel. Hrm.

NOM NOM NOM NOM. YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEAD EVERY TIME YOU SEE "NOMMED" YOU MAKE THAT NOISE. OMG SOMEONE CONJUGATE NOM.
amand_r: (paperclip/writing)
Let's take a moment, before we start to think about the following two things.

a. Kris Kross? Remember them? Haahaha.
b. A line from their song "Jump": Don't try to compare us to another bad little fad

HAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA. HA. That is all.

1. [livejournal.com profile] husiemama sent me the following PM: Blue Gillespie-"We have finally named our debut album Synesthesia."

OH LOLOLOLOLOL CLARKY. RHYS. OTHER PEOPLE, LET ME BUY YOU A PINT. OR THREE. WHAT CAN I GET FOR 7.44? ILUGUISE.

Seriously, people, I want to smoke a joint with these dudes so fucking much. Like, we'll get together, smoke up, talk about dumb shit, eat some Twiglets or whatever, and then they'll go away and I'll take a nap.

2. SICK STOP SEND SHERPAS STOP SEXY SHERPAS STOP ARMED WITH HOT OILS AND THOSE ROCKS THEY PUT ON YOUR BACK STOP ALSO MAYBE SOME SOUP STOP

3. FOR CONTENT, I PRESENT THIS DUMBASS MEME:

Step 1: Put your MP3 player on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 20 songs that play.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

OH YEAH, YOU GUYS ARE SCREWED. I SKIPPED ALL THE FOREIGN LANGUAGE ONES. )
amand_r: (YOUR MOM)
One thing about having a kid is that no one looks at you funny anymore when you do dumbass things that if done sans child would have got you...funny…looks. This is a poorly constructed sentence. I shall save you the crap writing and instead say it in MOVIE CAPS--

ALLOW ME TO TRANSPORT YOU BACK IN TIME. TO YOUR CHILDHOOD:



IT'S ON NOW. )
amand_r: (bunny/well helloooooo loser)
1. Putting the kidlet to bed, and she starts counting people on her fingers, which is how Joan-ma did it to list all of the people who were coming to her birthday party. So it used to be: "Steve and Emily and Chuck, and Dana…" etc. Now it was the following:

Her: Unca Jer, and a-Steve, and a shark and Dana.
Me: A shark? Really?
Her: Ohhhhh yeah! (grabs her thumb) And a mama.
Me: So glad I'm included in the shark party.
Her: (so serious) With spidermancake and Santa Claus and snowmans.

I have recently discovered that all things Spiderman have now been termed "spidermancake". Good to know.

2. RECS COMING WHEN I GET OFF MY ARSE.

3. I played Rockband for the first time the other night, and it was depressing because all I could think was how much Tianyu would have loved it, and there's no one in my house to play it with. On the inverse, I drunkenly got a 99% on "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" on Hard, and I have never sung it before, so that has to mean something.

4. Okay so I had a CRAZY ASS DREAM. IT INVOLVED TORCHWOOD, JACK, SOME OTHER PEOPLE WHO I DON'T REMEMBER AND DALEKS. BASICALLY, IT WAS AN EPISODE OR SOMETHING. )

So that was it. W.T.F.

5. In honor of the awesomeness that is Jack, I present for you today: a little Ray Charles. Baby if you want to stay on my mind, now, you've got to love your daddy all the time.
amand_r: (crimmas/jack wearing santa)
There was some hesitancy and debate about whether or not non participants were allowed to review the fic over there. OMG PLEASE DO SO. We won't be replying until after we've de-anoned, so don't get upset if we seem rude.

Anyway, here's a list of all the fic so far. I put the characters in the fics, and left out all the pairings. Deal.

ANON wrote The War at Home for [livejournal.com profile] amand_r (Jack. Gwen, Ianto, Rhys)
ANON wrote All The Best Stories Start With A Death for [livejournal.com profile] cruentum (Ianto, Jack)
ANON wrote Doctor's Orders for [livejournal.com profile] used_songs (Owen, Ianto, Tosh, Jack)
ANON wrote The Better Things for [livejournal.com profile] nancybrown (Ianto, Lois Habiba)
ANON wrote In This Time for [livejournal.com profile] electro_club (Andy, Ianto)
ANON wrote Great Balls Afire for [livejournal.com profile] blue_fjords (Jack, Rhys, Gwen, Ianto, Andy)
ANON wrote Nine Tenths of the Law for [livejournal.com profile] phaetonschariot (Jack, Ianto)
ANON wrote Cast no shadow for [livejournal.com profile] kel_reiley (Rhiannon, Jack)
ANON wrote We All Have to Start Somewhere for [livejournal.com profile] solsticezero (Gwen, Ianto)
ANON wrote hotaru no hikari (the light of fireflies) for [livejournal.com profile] xtricks (Tosh, Jack, early team)
ANON wrote Hearts (hand-made): 1.50 quid a piece for [livejournal.com profile] lionessvalenti (Ianto, Lisa, Jack, team)
ANON wrote Mind Your Language for [livejournal.com profile] lawsontl (Jack, Ianto, Gwen)

MWAH. GO READ AND REVIEW. NOT ONE OF THESE FICS IS BAD.
amand_r: (jaws/imma eat y'all)
1. You always wanted to know the weather, Star Wars style. Unfortunately, most cities I entered are much like Hoth right now. Enter a city it doesn't know. LOL.

2. Thanks, [livejournal.com profile] valancy_joy for the awesome package! No spoilers for those yet to arrive at others', but it was adorable!

3. There was some debate last night on Twitter about who would win: Jaws or a velociraptor, and I felt that 140 characters is not enough space for me to explain the reason Jaws would KICK THE VELOCIRAPTOR'S ARSE: )

4. If you haven't added a drink recipe to the list, please do so! Drunkards here!

5. She's…a spinner. )

6. Links to all the anon fic from the Santa Meme. )

If I'm missing any, let me know.

REEL TW due today. Yeah. Uhm.

ETA: A VELOCIRAPTOR RIDING JAWS. THAT IS EFFING RIGHT.
amand_r: (amanda is nuts)
TODAY'S ENTRY WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY SPACCANAPOLI! YAY!



ALSO: FAIL? OR WIN?



I'M THINKING ARBYS.

CAN'T TALK: WRITING. BBL TTFN TTYL OMFG BBQ WTF LOL BITE ME.

HERE, K'NAAN'S 'WAVING FLAG' IS THE OFFICIAL ANTHEM OF THE 2010 WORLD CUP:

amand_r: (tw/ianto hello!)
TO MYSELF:

Read more... )

ALSO, I LIKE TO THINK THAT MY NEW DEFAULT ICON IS PRETTY MUCH MY ENTIRE PERSONALITY. KEEP IN MIND THAT HE'S ABOUT TO STUNGUN SOMEONE. THAT'S MY BOY. BRRRRRRAZKT.

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