amand_r

1. unovis_lj linked to a slideshow of the paintings stolen from the Museum of Modern Art in Paris on Thursday night. That takes balls. Balls made of stupid. LOL.

2. So, fest time. retconbookwrite is a fest so we can wrote stories that involve Torchwood book canon. It's an exchange, so you can be challenged! And no, you don't have to have read all of the books! HOW AWESOME IS THAT. Remember though, no matter what the stripper tells you no matter what Cruentum tells you, there's no sex in the champagne room he's running this thing, not me. The retconbookwrite is open for business and accepting signups until June 5th. Posting begins on September 15th. Rules and Questions here. Sign Ups here.


3. POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTLE.

4. A Partial Map of Your TARDIS (Subject to Change) Haaahahah.

Title: Acumen
Characters: Hee.
Rating: NC-17 (telepathy, the plass)
Wordcount: 1,280
Author's Notes: for the porn battle over in 51stcenturyfox's lj, also co-hosted by cruentum

( Acumen )

Title: Dear Ianto
Characters: Jack/Ianto
Rating: NC-17 (toys)
Wordcount: 960
Author's Notes: for the porn battle over in 51stcenturyfox's lj, also co-hosted by cruentum

( Dear Ianto, )

1. You know what I wish? I wish you all would trust me. Trust me in fic to take you there. I'll get you there. Honest. Blue, Jean (heh, together you're "bluejean" who is also Bluejean07), tell them that I took you to poly town, and it was good. Srsly, people, I can't EXPLAIN myself. I can only SHOW you. Have I let you down yet? No? Shut up and let me finger bang you into happiness.

2. Tomorrow I plan out the rest of my UK trip. I will post the itinerary when it's settled and if you are in the area that I am in at any given time I would love to see you (whoever you are).

3. Had another moment in which I realised that I want to be in love again. I just don't know whom that would be with. I don't think I can. I think he's dead. I want to be in love with that one again.

4. Jesus, when is this going to be over?

5. Thought about buying myself a cemetery plot. Realised I might not even be in this city when I die, so it's impractical. OTOH, I might just get myself one for my birthday next year and pretend that it's mine.

6. memeage:

verasteine ( gave me porn, post-its, writing, John Barrowman, Tori Amos. )

( My take on Yami no Matsuei, Jack, John Hart, Gwen, Adam, and Lois Habiba. )

Title: Clicker
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack Harkness/Alice Guppy
Rating: NC-17 (sexual slavery, sort of, dub-con)
Author's Notes: For the Porn Battle V: Historical Sex. This didn't suck until my computer ate the good bits. Thanks to angstslashhope and lionessvalenti for looking at this and telling me that it was not made of crap, even if it is. You cannot blame them.
Summary: After all, that's what they're here to do, slap the cattle and leer and pretend that they know all about the sale of slaves here on the auction block, because Emily had offered him this job and he'd accepted it from the moment she'd said 'illicit alien sex ring'.

( Clicker )

Yeah, it's rough, but I'm done with it. I might use the bracelets in the future.

1. I am both repulsed and intrigued. And hungry.

2. We have issues:

Amand-r: I bet Rhys is the occasional cuddler.
Foxy: Rhys, yeah.
Amand-r: with his massive bear paws.
Foxy: MAUL MAUL MAUL
Amand-r: he and Jack should get into one of those girly slap fights with their giant man hands. It'd be like if you and I strapped tennis rackets on our wrists and went to town.
Foxy: LOL that would be excellent.
Amand-r: Raaaaaghr.

Then we decided the world needs more Jack/Rhys with a reasonable explanation.

3. Let's talk for a minute about the SRS. I have a fic in which someone is a paraplegic as a result of Canary Wharf. Oh hell, it's Lisa. Anyway, here's the thing. It's not that she hasn’t made peace with what happened, because Lisa is pretty "this totally blows, and I'll deal with it," but I'm worried about my audience when, at some point in the future, through a series of timey wimey stuff, Lisa regains her ability to walk.

This is not to say that I think that paraplegia is something bad in the sense that those with it are less. But I I'm just going to be honest about myself-- if I lost my ability to walk and then was given the opportunity to do so again, I would jump at the chance. I can't imagine a situation in which I wouldn't. And this is not, I repeat not, similar to someone from the Deaf community deciding not to gain the ability to hear, because Deafness isn't a "disability" the way that paraplegia is from a medical standpoint, in most cases, I gather. And I don't even really like the word disability, but transable, maybe. But nonetheless a transability that some people were not born into, and if given the opportunity, might choose to give up to return to their old form. Does THAT make sense?

I just want to gauge reactions, because I don't know how people will feel about this. I think it's a logical set of reactions on her part, and how she approaches it will be how others in the fic approach it. On the other hand, no matter how much research I do, I am not a paraplegic, and I cannot speak for them. I have been spending a lot of time on transabled.org and other sites to look into BIID. And I'm still pretty confident that this can be done with grace. It is a very science fictiony plot, because, hello? TORCHWOOD, but I don't want to make it seem as if I'm not looking at all the angles.

If you are transabled and have an opinion, please email me, if I could please pick your brain, or you know, if you have more info than I do, or personal experience. My flist is awesome like that. You could also put it in the comments below.

On the other hand, I was thinking about it again, and I might not even be necessary in the story. The walking. Hrm. I mean, it can go either way, actually. Hrm. Now I am torn.

4. Dreamt poorly last night but cannot remember anything.

5. Listening to Regina Spektor on auto play. Yeah, it's going to happen all day.

1. I don't use this word very often, really, and blah blah insults and shit, but I think I feel pretty secure in my usage when I refer to Kate Copstick as "cuntface". It's really ridic, even if it's a publicity stunt. I want to submit a biscuit story for her magazine.

2. cupidsbow linked to Jack's personal and Earth time line. I like the part where James Marsters is on there backwards.

3. My head is full of cats today. Cats fighting sharks. With guns or something.

4. The Bulwer-Lytton winners are up. I think I like the runner up entry better than the winner this year.

5. Gah. Cats

6. LAST NIGHT I DREAMED I WENT HOUSE HUNTING WITH THE FACE OF BOE, EVERYTHING WAS TOO EXPENSIVE BECAUSE WE NEEDED EXTRA WIDE FLOOR PLANS. FOR HIS FUCKING HEAD.

My mom was there. She did not approve of the Face of Boe. Y'know. Buying a house. With me.

First: Pornsultant Bob has answered your questions! Thanks, Bob!

Second, minotaurs's site taught me many things: face to face anal sex is possible (shut up, I was young and dumb), and that BLOOD IS NOT LUBE (a very common concern in the Highlander world). I never met the dude, but it was nice of him to try to edumacate me and firk my porn cherry. Thanks dude. I'm partially the raving sexay mama that I am today because of all the chained up torso shots on your website.

And nao, I have more news.

( Dear Torchwood fandom: )

Bob: [A THROWAWAY REFERENCE TO KISSING MY STOMACH]
Amand-r: WAY TO KILL THE MOOD, BOB. >:( No really, the tummy thing? It reminds me of zombies eating someone's stomach.
Bob: HAHAAHA
Amand-r: I am not joking. I have punched people for this.
Bob: didn't know that was taboo.
Amand-r: I kicked Jason in the balls for doing that shuffle moan thing outside of Eat N Park. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS. LOL I'm okay. (But I totes kicked Jason. Because he deserved it.)
Bob: Nah, I don't mean to be creepy
Amand-r: We'd just seen Resident Evil for the first time.
Bob: Ah. See, I've done the shuffle moan. After we saw Shaun of the Dead.
Amand-r: I do the shuffle moan, too. But that's okay, because I KNOW I am not a zombie, and even if I was, I can't eat my own brains.
Well, maybe if I tried.
I wonder what they taste like.
Probably chicken.

A NOTE: I do not participate in zombie apocalyptothon day. Because that's like the boy who cried wolf. Someday you're ALL GOING TO REGRET EVER HAVING FAKED BEING ATTACKED BY HOARDES OF THE UNDEAD WHEN IT REALLY HAPPENS AND NO ONE EFFING BELIEVES YOU.

STOP THE PRESS-- remember the air guitar competition? Well! Meet: AIR SEX COMPETITIONS! Yeah, you wanted to see it. (Their official site.) I HEARTILY APPROVE! (Especially of contestants "Thrustin" and "Otto Erotica")

Unovis: Another porn battle?
Amand-r: ONE A MONTH.
Unovis: Damn I need to start writing again
Amand-r: YOU TOTES DO.
Unovis: I can't write porn in [CURRENT LOCATION].
Amand-r: YOU SHOULD WRITE FOR THE PORN BATTLE.
Unovis: [CURRENT LOCATION OF HIDDEN BUNKER] is the anti-porn.
Amand-r: DRUNK!SEX! EDGING!
Amand-r: THREESOMES!
Unovis: Sounds like landscaping.
Amand-r: Two of mine are almost done. I cheated and wrote early. [OMGS CONFESSIONZ LULZ.]
Unovis: Owen/Methos/Jack
Amand-r: YES.
Unovis: Owen/Methos/Gwen
Amand-r: OH GOD YES.
Unovis: Srsly, Methos banging Owen's shit in the alley of a barbecue joint.
Amand-r: MAKE IT EDGING. THEN NO ONE HAS TO COME.
Unovis: If no one had to speak it would be easier. I couldn't make Owen sound like Owen without immersion in the source again.
Amand-r: I don't think you have to. It's porn. Start with the sex. Then end with it.
Unovis: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Amand-r: Do eeeeeeeeeeet.

UNRELATED FANDOM NOTE: I have a confession to make, lawsontl. That's right, you, zombie-killing, gun-toting lady. Even though I know the origin of your user name, in my head I have now named you "Lawsuntl." Law sun tlll. It's awesome. BUT IF YOU WANT ME TO STOP, YOU'LL HAVE TO SUGGEST SOMETHING ELSE. ::smishes::

( RAEWHIT'S ADVENTURES IN THE UK, AS RELATED TO ME! )

and_suddenly says: "so, do we have some sort of record for holding both the stanley cup and the super bowl victory in one year? is there such a thing? pittsburgh: MORE AWESOME THAN YOUR CITY FUCK YEAH"

kel_riley, do you still love me? I'm sorry. ::googly eyes::