amand_r: (the asian persuasion)
Hello all, it's been a while, so I shall UPDATE BY NUMBERS.

1. Cookies have been awesome. I am taking a break. I have many new things that I want to try, but they aren't going to ship well in this heat. That said, if you ever want some cookies, feel free to drop me a line. I am now making shit on demand. Except the chocolate caramel shortbread. They are a pain in the ass.

2. Kidlet is done with preschool! Well, for this year at least. I have embarrassing video, but I am too lazy to upload it.

3. My computer died recently! It was horrible. I was trying to log on, and it kept telling me my user profile couldn't load properly. After shedding bitter tears, I managed to save all my files from safe mode onto an external drive, and then I had to reinstall the OS from factory settings. Strange how everything runs now. On the other hand, there's something cleansing about getting a fresh start.

4. I have been reading a great deal. You can find my reading on Goodreads. Right now I'm reading about the monster of Florence.

5. I MADE PASTA FROM SCRATCH. IT WAS AWESOME.

6. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS AWESOME? HOT DOGS.

7. Here is the story of how I am bitter:

One day I started watching Wire in the Blood. I watched 2 eps and then forgot. Then a month later I was all, “I should check out Wire in the Blood”, and lo, I already had. I resumed my watching. BY THE WAY the special with Tony in Texas was the best thing ever. I lolled so hard. Anyway, I got to the end of season 6 when [spoiler] and it ends with [spoiler] and Then I click ed the “Next” button on the Netflix streaming screen.

Nothing happened. I looked and saw they only had up to season six. Never mind, I will download the torrent somewhere.

That's right, in my head I had convinced myself that there are 8 seasons.

Oh wait, no, that's Waking the Dead.

It became increasingly difficult to locate the season seven torrent No one had it. I was going to do a shot out to my flist. Then I decided to see when it was released. So I checked wikipedia.

Boy, am I bitter. WHAT A FUCKING WAY TO END. NOT TWIN PEAKS EPIC, BUT JESUS.

8. I read the new Sookie Stackhouse. Yeah.

9. I had so many things to say! I have no idea where they went.

10. Lastly, I have a novella/thing coming out in October, and the publisher, Candlemark and Gleam was nice enough to send me promo postcard things to distribute. I was thinking of handwriting some short short stories and offering to send them to people for postage. Would anyone be interested? Want one? I guess if you sent me five bucks, I could send you the card and a half a dozen cookies. Or something.

Postage has gone up package wise, by the way. That's how they get ya.

Off to read more about excising vaginas.
amand_r: (OMG YAY)
This weekend we are back to the basics and back to the cheaper cookies. Five and six for a dozen! Come on, who wouldn't shell out a fiver for a dozen cookies to arrive at your doorstep this week? You won't have to do anything! Score! Isn't that the price of a trenta moka java latte crappucchino?

Weekend of comfort classics!! )

Next week: a recipe I had to translate from French! And an Austrian cookie. We'll toss them both in a bag and let them fight it out.
amand_r: (jawesome!)


Snickerdoodles, cookies known for their sugar and cinnamon…ness, are imported from Germany, where they were used as currency in the Black Market Baking scene until they were supplanted by Pfefferneuse in the Great Cookie War of Baden Baden in 1867. Snickerdoodle is German for, "laughing at your art", but can also mean, "GOD I NEED THAT FUCKING COOKIE." There are some circles who still use its archaic meaning, though no one can tell you what that is, because when you ask, "What DOES 'Snickerdoodle' mean?", they just snort and tell you, "Das ist, was sie sagte."

If I am understanding this correctly, snickerdoodles are supposed to be crispy, but I vetoed that because I hate crunchy cookies. Even more vehemently, I hate cakey cookies. These puppies are a little soft on the inside and a little crispy on the outside, what with all the sugar they were rolled in. and to preserve their chewy crunchy NON CAKINESS, I flattened them once before baking and once after.


Ingredients: flour, sugar, eggs, baking powder/soda, cinnamon, salt, butter.

Vstroyer Scale of Tastiness: four Hello Kitties

Available: Gone! NOTE: None of my cookies are big. Average size is 2-2 ½ inches in diameter.

Later today, or tomorrow, I might have some limoncello cookies available if anyone is interested.

Also, I think this goes without saying, but this offer is only for the 48 states. Anywhere else would be much more in shipping.
amand_r: (torchwood/ianto will fuck your shit up)
Title: Buy My Fucking Cookies
Fandom: Mander fandom
Characters: Mander, Vstroyer, You, eBay, THE DAMN ASSHOLE WOT OUTBID ME, cookies, the computer
Rating: W for WOE and C for COOKIE (it's good enough for me)
Wordcount: 1000
Author's Notes: I am totes not joking. Warning for butter.
Summary: I HAVE A STORY OF DEFEAT AND TRIUMPH TO TELL.

She was a baker desperately trying to lose weight. And desperately trying to buy DVDs. )
amand_r: (drwho/daleks!)
Hello there. Today's wordless Doctor Who theatre is brought to you by Half-Price books and my complete lack of propriety.

I present, Doctor Who and the Inappropriate Touch. )
amand_r: (OMG YAY)
Amand-r and the great cookie disaster.
--by Amand-r, PEI Esquire, DSMV VI

As this is Viv's first Halloween party I wanted to make a good showing at the whole "I'm an awesome parent and I rule hard" game that instinctually takes over your brain when faced with the sign up sheet for sweets to bring. Mum signed me up for cookies.

I can do cookies.

Simpler is better with preschoolers, but these are discerning palates, raised on Chef Boyardee and Clif Bars. Naturally I wanted to be awesome.

So you know, trauma. )

And then Viv's halloween parade. Skip if you're not into kid pictures. )
amand_r: (tw/ianto hello!)
1.



2. CANT. STOP. LAUGHING.

3. BUTT.

4. WRITING RCBW STOP SUCKING ASS STOP NOT YOUR ASS STOP YOUR MOM'S STOP HA HA I JUST MADE A YOUR MOM JOKE IN A TELEGRAM STOP EXCEPT THIS ISN'T A TELEGRAM SEMICOLON IT'S A POST ON THE INTERNET STOP I GUESS THESE SHOULD BE CLOSE TAGS OR SOMETHING STOP IS THAT TOO META QUESTION MARK STOP I DUNNO I'M JUST SAYING I HAVE BEEN WATCHING A LOT OF FAMILY GUY STOP WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT QUESTION MARK STOP OH YEAH I'M WRITING AND IT'S NOT GOING WELL STOP MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH TRYING TO WRITE ANGST WHILST HAVING A HEAD FULL OF AN INFANT SAYING 'WHAT THE DEUCE' QUESTION MARK STOP AND AN ALCOHOLIC DOG WHO SINGS SHOWTUNES STOP.

5. I have one sentence of wholas. One. It's four lines long. Wharton, you say? You will recognise my story this week because it will be the only one that, whilst you read it, in your head it's narrated by Joanne Woodward.
amand_r: (YOUR MOM)
I HAD SEX WITH GARETH DAVID LLOYD ON A SINK AT DRAGON*CON AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY MANICURE:



Yes, this sums up my whole D*C experience nicely. )

That was my big fat D*C exp. Seriously, few panels, lots of booze, tonnes of food, great people, EXCELLENT CONVERSATIONS, and a renewed sense of writing. I WILL WRITE THAT FPREG. IT WILL BE AWESOME.

OH AND I THINK I MIGHT HAVE A SEASON TO AIR THIS FALL.

Oh, and Jack and Ianto's post-it D*C adventure )

BUT FOR NOW, my dad is out of surgery, and I'm waiting to hear how he is, and I have plans to make biscotti with cabernet cocoa powder, and possibly some cupcakes.

I dreamt about biscotti last night.

I made a list of shit to do divided by pages: on page per category, house, work, online, general, errands, etc. IT'S NINE PAGES LONG.

See ya'll on the flip side.

EDIT: I bought their Netherworld Blend and the Reanimator Blend. The latter is great. Haven't tasted the firmer. Go there and browse the teas and coffees.
amand_r: (the server is robust)
BYE.

IF YOU ARE GOING TOO, ANYONE WANNA SHARE A CAB TO A DIM SIM PLACE SUNDAY MORNING? LIKE 11 AM?

EDIT: IF WE GO SATURDAY, WE MIGHT HAVE ACCESS TO A CAR!

ALSO, IF YOU WANNA MEET AND GET DRINKS/COFFEE/METHAMPHETAMINES, EMAIL ME AT AMAND AT GMAIL DOT COM, AND WE CAN ARRANGE CRAPPLES.

NOT SCRAPPLE. SICKOS.
amand_r: (da bing)
as found on youtube, in the comments to a recording of 'Yakety Sax':

This is one of those songs where you put it on your mp3 player and then you listen to music with a friend, forgetting it's on there and it comes up and the friend just goes "Why do you have this...?"

THAT'S PRECISELY IT.

The other day I found this on my player. I have had it since 2004. WTF.

amand_r: (tw/ianto makes my ass look great)
1. GAH.

ME: Blah blah blah.
THERAPIST: Blah blah BLAH blah. ::eyebrows::
ME: Blah Blah. ::wavey hands::
THERAPIST: AH HAH. THERE IT IS!
ME: Whut?
THERAPIST: There's your problem! Your issue!
ME: ::smacks head:: GODDAMMIT.
THERAPIST: Ha ha ha! Found it! NOW YOUR REAL THERAPY CAN BEGIN.
ME: SHITBEARS!
THERAPIST: YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD HIDE IT.
ME: SHUT UP, RAFIKI.
THERAPIST: Same time next week?
ME: Yes please.


2. MBABB IS AT 137,350. That sounds impressive until you realise that on 6/27 I had 125,242, so this month I have only done 12,108 on it. SHITBEARS.

3. I'm going to start taking my prozac at night and see if that doesn't cure my exhaustion during the day.

4. Because I can't leave well enough alone, the current ep I'm working on:

They both jumped into the SUV and Maggie started the car, turning the heater on full blast. It hadn't been off long enough to have completely cooled down and the warmth spread across Lois's hose-covered legs. Bliss.

"Lo," Maggie said, tucking the tickets into the sun visor, "please tell me you packed denims or some other heavy work trousers."

Lois shrugged. "I have slacks and a pair of coveralls."

Maggie sighed. "Okay, we have a little bit of time, and the Quay is open." She pointed to the hulking shopping arena that boasted hundreds of outlet stores. "Lois Habiba, you need to dress for a mess."

"Dress for a mess," Lois deadpanned as she pulled her shit coffee from the cup-holder and took a sip. Absence did not make the tongue grow fonder. Maggie started the SUV and pulled out of the Wightlink lot.

"I bet they have a Starbucks," Maggie sang.

Lois gestured at the windshield with the cup. "Sally forth, my good woman."


That is all.

ETA: IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME.
amand_r: (Default)
The first TEN people to comment in this post get to request ~something~ of any pairing/character of their choosing from me. In return, they have to post this in their journal. If you absolutely can't write, you can offer drawings or icons or something instead (meta? picspams? reasons why that character/pairing rocks/doesn't rock?).

They will be fics. They have to fit in the comments to this post, man. You don't have to repost to request. Any of my listed fandoms. Awwww yeah.
amand_r: (da bing)
FIRST:

1. It is the middle of the night, and you wake from a dead sleep because you have to pee. You shuffle to the bathroom and don't even bother turning on the light because you know the way. While there you realise that you have to use feminine protection. You also notice that you run out of loo roll. You unwrap the loo roll and pull the old roll from the spool, and then sit there, half awake, holding the spool in one hand and the new roll in the other.

The spool is, I repeat, the spool is NOT the feminine protection that you have yet to retrieve. No, I stopped myself before it got that far, but I did wonder why it was so big around whilst I held it.

There's a moral (sp—is that spelled right? Moral? Morel? No that's a mushroom. Moral reminds me of sorrel, which always make me think of High Chapparal. Chapparal? Chaparale? Fuck. I'll quit before I start questioning the spelling of "the" and "chair") here, but I don't know who it is.

2. Watching season one of the Tudors again. Why does everyone give each other brooches? From now on, everyone's getting brooches from me.

Side note: OH HAI THAR, EXTREME HOTTNESS THAT IS JOHN RHYS-MYERS' ABS. HOLY FUCK.

3. In cleaning my house, I am stunned by the sheer amount of junk I have, in the form of bits and baubles and things that I cannot simply throw in a box and label. I have baskets and small boxes of little things that I simply don't know what to do with—things I no longer want and haven't needed in the past three years, not enough to unpack them from the basement boxes in which a great deal of them reside. I find myself pitching large quantities of crap. I want to be as light as possible.

Likewise, wow, half-price books, you are awesome.

Additionally, in going through my shelves and boxes of books in the basement, I am slowly filling a box of books marked, simply, "unread". So this year, I shall endeavor to empty that box. It's filled with contemporary novels, non fiction, and a bunch of classic lit I never got to. Like some Dickens and Orczy and even one or two poets whose volumes I purchased and never finished. I would promise not to buy any more books until I finish these, but that is foolhardy and something to which I can never hold myself. So I shan't lie that way. But it's a goal—read more. Read well. Read smartly.

That said, I read the latest Hamilton Merry Gentry book, Divine Misdemeanours. Hey, it's in my ereader. OMG SPOILERS )

4. OH HAI. RPF/RPS CARNIVALE THIS WEEKEND. RIGHT THE FUCK IN THIS LJ. [livejournal.com profile] cruentum IS SO EXCITED HE'S ABOUT TO VIBRATE THROUGH THE INTERNETS. THEN HE WILL BE THE GHOST IN THE SHELL, AND HE'LL HAUNT YOUR ISP AND WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING YOUR THESIS, HE'LL REPLACE ALL THE IMAGES AND PIE CHARTS IN THE DOCUMENT WITH PICTURES OF JB'S ASS. YOU MIGHT BE AMUSED. YOUR THESIS ADVISOR AT THE ENTOMOLOGY DEPARTMENT PROBABLY WON'T BE. I think I already addressed this above, but whatevs.

Don't let that happen to you. Write for the Torchwood/Doctor Who RPF Carnivale.

5. So we have a little bit of snow in Pittsburgh this past month. So some mutherfuckers decide it's a great time to do some URBAN SKIING. My favorite is probably the Joe Montana bridge at about 4:00 to the end, and if you watch the credits you not only see some awesome FAIL, but you hear them make fun of Yinzertalk, which is always fun. (h/t [livejournal.com profile] emquilxy)

6. I'm in season two of the Sopranos again. How did I miss this gem? TONY: (frustrated and with finality) Cunnilingus and psychiatry have brought us to this.

Yes. Tony. Yes.

7. My TW season 4 file is corrupted or something, and it was my back up copy. I checked the original and it has no changes since last month. It's like Jesus doesn't want me to write TW anymore. Okay, Jesus.
amand_r: (waaaaaaaa)
1. FUCKING SHARK HELL WEEK, DAY THREE: Not really pissed. More like, resigned to futility. LOL. I said it aloud—LOL. YAY!

2. Pondering how some OTC medicines for already embarrassing ailments have even more embarrassing names: Beano, Gas-X, Preparation H (which I guess is not embarrassing unless you know what it is for).

Me: Me, seriously, who likes taking PREPARATION H to the checkout aisle?
Mum: Well, there's always Anusol, that's not embar…oh wait.
Me: THAT WILL NEVER STOP BEING FUNNY.

3. Got a statement for a dental visit from a year ago from my old insurance company this weekend. Read THIS IS NOT A BILL and shrugged. Then today got a bill from my dentist saying "Sorry this is late! We just got the thing from the insurance company! LOL!" for $82. While I am told this might violate HIPPA laws, I'm just going to pay it. Still, just another reminder of the grinding wheels of humanity.

4. I'm still tired.

The rest under a cut: Dexter, writing fanfiction, why continuity errors doesn't bother me, crack, random shoes, disabling comments, when you fall out of love with fandom, and mutual fic masturbation. Oh, and Catherine Parr. And poop. )

That's it. Someone get me a fucking bear claw.
amand_r: (christmas/mc chris evergreen)
REQUIREMENT TO READ THIS ENTRY: BEFORE YOU COMMENCE, PRESS PLAY ON THE FOLLOWING VIDEO:



THANK YOU. )


Later this month I have a post on what you all mean to me and something about the Grinch and his walnut heart and something about eggnog and Windex and it's curative properties. Then we all grill a lamb on the lawn. I might be getting fandom confused with My Big Fat Greek Wedding. ::shrug:: Whatever. I make you lamb.

I can't believe I actually have a list of lj-entry subjects.

You know what I want to see again? The Syrian Bride.
amand_r: (YOUR MOM)
OMG I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ANYTHING IN TWO DAYS STOP SEND HELP STOP SEND BOOZE STOP SEND BANANAS AND MILK STOP SEND ANNE RICE STOP NO WAIT STOP PLEASE DON'T STOP DO YOU UNDERSTAND STOP PLEASE STOP STOP THIS IS CONFUSING WITH ALL THE STOPS STOP.

The Montecristo is a great cigar. Spoilers for season one of The Sopranos. From 1999. But I'm being nice. )

A FUCKING ALBACORE AROUND MY NECK!

FBI agent: We want Johnny Sac, but more than that we want Montarno and Teressi.
Junior Soprano: I wanna fuck Angie Dickinsion. We'll see who gets lucky first.

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amand_r

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