amand_r

1. The computer died. I am writing to you from the new one, Toshiko Toshiba, Mistress of the Dark Computer Arts.

a. This means that everything is actually trapped on my old hard drive, including the stories i owe three of you. I have to get ahold of a serial hard drive case, and when I do, I can access the giant vag in the center of the earth files again. I might just have to start those stories over in the meantime.


2. I need german food recipes! I am having the buds over for dinner, and i want to make spaetzle! I cannot get good brats here, sadface. But I was thinking I might try the strip district for some rabbit! Anyone have anything German to recommend?

3. As announced on twitter, I shall be writing a YA novel that is a steampunk vampire rip-off of The Color Purple called, "The Color Vortex" or possibly "The Vortex purple." It might also involve a Danny Glover robot that says "I'm too old for this shit."

Really, most of this stupid shit is on my twitter. If you ever feel the nee to talk to me during the day about lame shit, I'm cerebralcutlass.

4. ALSO--even though I am behind on the stories, I am still sending out the cookies soon! SO! IF YOU WOULD LIKE SOME GINGERNSNAPS OR GARAM MASALA CHOCOLATE GINGERBREAD, AND A LITTLE FICLET, PLEASE SEE HERE: Amand-r's Frabjous Writing Promo. The ficlets are supposed to be 500 words, but as you can see from the first one, I kind of discard that sometimes. BUT 500 WORD MINIMUM!

The first story was for lilian_cho, and was called Registry, inspired by her starter sentence of, "It's not like there's a Chinese gay kama sutra."

5. Soon I shall watch the second half of Torchwood Miracle Day. And then, even thought I have been discouraged with fandom lately, I shall open the las.

6. Highlander peeps, I have not forgot you! Not having the templates on hand makes life slightly more pissy, but I know how to cut and paste, so I'll steal them soon. Sign ups start tomorrow, I think!

1.



Yeah.

2. My kid has dual ear infections. I like to think of this like deulling banjos. But with ear infections. And less ass pain and more ear pain.

ALSO: My kid has asthma. OTOH, her nebuliser is this cute little yellow thing with "Huffinpuff the Asthma Dragon" on it. When I saw it, I thought it said "Hufflepuff" because it's yellow/gold, and I wanted to ask them for a Ravenclaw one, but then I squashed my inner-nerd and reread it.

Every four hours. EVERY FOUR HOURS. AND PREDNISONE. AND OMNICEF.

I TOLD KID THAT SHE WAS DEFECTIVE AND THAT MAYBE I SHOULD RETURN HER, BUT THEN I REALISED THAT I'D BE RETURNING HER TO MY UTERUS, AND I THINK UNBIRTHING IS SQUICKY.

The mask is shaped like a fish face.

I SHALL CALL HER DARTH VIVI.

3. Watched Sherlock in its entirety (all three eps, I know, the strain). Don't get excited kiddies. It was okay, but yeah. That's about it. I think Moriarty is dumb, but I liked the "consulting criminal" excuse. Finally, something other than, "I'm baaaaaad!"

4. Made gluten free cookies, more than I thought I would. Fun fun fun. They're going on sale tomorrow. And good thing too, because I cannot keep myself from eating the peanut butter ones.

But I found a recipe for complicated cookies that you dip in powdered jello (they look like peaches!), and also I found a recipe that IMITATES OREO COOKIES. DON'T TELL ME THAT WON'T BE AWESOME. I also want to make balls of cake dipped in chocolate. SO MUCH TO TRY TO BAKE, SO LITTLE TIME.

5. Forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be drier Than a jolly caucus race! Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top! Never a beginning; there can never be a stop. To skipping, hopping, tripping fancy free and gay, started it tomorrow, but will finish yesterday!

6. Also, was thinking of what awesome poetry Supremes lyrics would make. In the style of cummings:

Baby.
baby.

baby don't leave me
please don't leave me

all by

my
self

i've got this yearning (burning) yearning

feelin' inside (me)
deep inside( me)

& it hurts so bad



See? Tomorrow I shall sing you "All Along the Watchtower" in the style of Ethel Merman.

You know, because I'm a mum, ( random Vivi photos )

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

DAY FOUR:

1. Money. As in, I have enough, but what is enough? What if it runs out? What will I do? What can I sell? Why do I have all this shit? I should sell this shit and save the money. I don't need about 7/8ths of the shit I have. Are you REALLY going to watch that copy of Rurouni Kenshin enough to justify the price?

2. I want to write this fic and that fic and that one too and ooooh, this fic and that one and I guess I should actually sell something again.

3. Does this make me look fat? Jesus, it doesn't I just AM fat. When did I get all that on my stomach? Why am I not still a ten? What the hell am I eating? I should exercise more. But well, I've been sick, but still, aren't you supposed to lose weight when you're sick, not gain? Wait, is that starve a cold, feed a flu? Or what? Gah. I bet these just shrunk after I washed them 85 times.

4. Who is going to die next? How do I prepare for that? I suppose if it's me, I should get everything ready. I better clean my basement. I could sell all that shit while I'm cleaning aaaaaaaand we go right back to number one.

5. What did I just step i—oh cat sick.

6. I could cook that. Who would I feed it to?

7. Something is conspicuous by its absence. Where is the kid? What is she doing? Oh dear god she's been quiet for twenty minutes. I'm in for it now.

YEAH, I KNOW IT'S TEN DAYS, NICK. I CAN'T COUNT AND NOW I'M JUST GOING WITH IT.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

DAY TWO

1. I suck at clipping coupons.
2. I'm starting a running regimen. This sucks ass. Why me? Why in the winter?
3. I bake. I rarely eat anything I make.
4. My favorite dessert, while we're on the subject, are golden grahams s'mores.
5. My favorite book, still, is John Fowles' The Magus.
6. My favorite band of all time is concrete blonde. Always. Allllllways.
7. Speaking of Always, I hate maxi pads.
8. I don't believe in baking with margarine.
9. I love tofu. (four of these are about food. That should tell you why I need #2).

So I was trying to think of things to tell you, because apparently this is confession time, and I dunno if I have new friends or not. NICK did it, so I feel that I have to as well.

I am Amand-r, aka Mander.

Uh. I used to be a high school English teacher, but I haven't in a while, for many reasons I don't know I like to talk about.

I was married to a dude named tianyu for a while, but in April of 2006 he killed himself, and everything sort of fell apart. But I was pregnant with our kid, Viola Kenshin, aka VSTROYER OF WORLDS, and so I chose to live off his death benefits and raise her, which I feel makes me, in the words of Tori Amos, a professional widow.

Whilst being a professional widow, I have decided to try my hand at professional writing, which is why I have a writing blog: Panda-monium, my official writing blog. Nothing there yet, but soon there will be. I have a story coming out.

I write a lot of fanfic, mostly for Torchwood right now, but I have been known to do Highlander, Harry Potter and a few others.

I'm 34. I like hip-hop, Tenacious D, and opera. I read a lot.

I love to cook, specifically Chinese food, and every Chinese New Year I serve 8 courses at Chinghaus, so if you're ever going to be in town then, let me know. Lately I have been baking cookies specifically, but right now I'm trying to perfect meringue.

My kidlet, Viola is about to turn 4. Right now she has pneumonia. Not. Fun.

I dunno when it was I got this rep for being a bitch or a whatever, but really, I hate confrontation. I used to get all uppity about things, but in the past year I had an anxiety attack and was put on prozac. I now see a therapist, and sometime over the summer I realised that I am not responsible for your reactions. So while yeah, I try not to step on any toes, I only know what my motivations and reasons, and I am not responsible if you have a bad reaction to my stuff. Likewise, I don't get upset when you do something that makes me O_o, because that's your deal, and you don't have to think about me when you post something. How I act is my thing, not yours. It's freeing.

What else? Ask me anything.

**IN THE FRENCH: "IN SEARCH OF LOST GLUTEN-FREE BAKED GOODS"

Okay, so I'm supposed to be doing Nano, and I SWEAR I WILL MAKE IT UP (aka Famous Last Words, copywrite the universe and MCR) but failing that, I do have evidence what I have been doing the last two days (four days, whatever).

( I am virtually incapable of even typing a journal report. For srs. )

That'll do, pig. That'll do.

This past weekend I took my kid to DC to see her family and also the pandas, who are like family. Like the shark the panda had millions of razor sharp teeth, which they use like a hacksaw to cut through bone, candy and fences. The Chinese believe that if you find a discarded panda tooth, you have the power to summons Godzilla!

Ahem.

So yeah, here was our trip, pictoral style:

( VIVI AND MANDER GO TO DC (NOT DRAGON*CON) )

STAY TUNED FOR THE HALLOWEEN COOKIE DISASTER.

I want to write a novel for Nanowrimo. My problem is that the last time I "won" nanowrimo, I was only 8 chapters in.

This year, I want to do a whole story in 50-60K, and not just the first 1/4 of one.

But I need ideas.

Gimme ideas.

Because I am selfish like that.

1. What's with Family Guy's Conway Twitty thing? It started with short clips, and now 7.13 had a whole performance of "I See The 'Want To' In Your Eyes". Not that I didn't LOL, but what up with this? Did Seth MacFarlane get the rights to all Conway Twitty's music or something?

2. The drawback to CLEAN ALL THE THINGS in my house is that I don't want to write. Why does this happen? It happens when I have a shitload of things to do, that's for damn sure. Wholas, kinky krimmas, the twfemfic fest, about six original fic things to do, plus that charity book thing (NO I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN, TWITTER PEOPLE). I need something to jumpstart my ass. OH AND ALSO I HAVE THAT SEASON OF TORCHWOOD WOT I BE DOING. JESUS.

SOMEONE KICK ME IN THE ARSE.

3. My fried egg fu is sufficiently warmed up, so tonight it's stout and cheddar rarebit with fried eggs and the old stand-by, carrots and leeks. Oh carrots and leeks, why can't I quit you? I am using balsamic vinegar again instead of red wine vinegar.

4. My kid is in preschool! She started Monday, and so far so good.

5. This year she wants to be Snow White for Halloween. See Mander drive from one store to another.

6. I SEE THE 'WANT TO' IN YOUR EYES.

7. Ever look at all your junk and become filled with the urge to see how much of it you can sell? Because I think that might be my new hobby.

8. Writing a short story about a unicorn showing up on a midwest farm, and it's not going to have a happy ending. But all this urban or modern fantasy, I have no idea who takes it. My horror is not going over well with the horror markets. All my rejections are like, "This is good, but it's not us. Do you have anything more us?" It's enough to make a girl turn to poetry. Which, oh hai quiet passion.

9. I keep all my books that I'm currently reading stashed about the house in places. I have, at any given time, about 8 of them, and sometimes I substitute more when I get in a new pulp crap thing that I'll do in three days (or hours). So I finished Wharton, and picked up The Abridged Tale of Genji, like a responsible reader. Then I got waylaid by The Murder of Biggie Smalls. BUT THEN I GOT WAYLAID BY LKH'S NEW ANITA BLAKE BOOK. OH MY GOD IF MY READING HABITS WERE A NASDAQ CHART, IT WOULD LOOK LIKE BLACK MONDAY. With any luck I can skim my way through LKH and back into Biggie and then into Genji and the Burroughs I cracked the other day.

10. Okay, I just want to state for the record that I find it humourous, given the general attitude that the lyrics of Death Row records used to have re: the police, that they would only hire off-duty cops for their security. On one hand it's heartening, because it shows that it's possible to believe in the corruption of some of the police dept and still believe in their abilities or that some of them are good. On the other hand it's lol.

11. I have a mental image of Jack teaching Lois, Maggie and Robert how to lindy hop after hours in the atrium, to this song. They all have their shoes off, and they're goofing off in their stocking feet in the atrium. Gwen and Dee are in their offices pretending they don't hear. But they do. Gwen gives in, but Dee puts her head phones in and listens to Barry Manilow. BEANS AND CORNBREAD.