amand_r

Okay. So.

I opened a document to start a new story (in which vampires are normal and humans are the myth. I'm working on it.), and I couldn't face the whiteness. So I opened episode 8 and corrected the grammar there, and then. Then. I looked down.

There, from under the L key—dust. I saw that.

So after about twenty minutes of tweezing clumps of cat hair and dust and detritus from my keyboard, I stopped to consider that I might have a small problem.

Writer's block.

It's not like I haven't had it before, the erectile dysfunction of the literary world (can you tell how desperate I was to make that joke?), but this comes at a time when I am teeming with ideas. I have about a dozen scenes in the season 4 that I'd love to put down. I have about thirty short stories in various stages of development. I have four stories that I should edit and resubmit.

I'm going to have to drop out of the tw genfic fest. I know it's not going to be done. It's not even started. It's planned. I could start it and get myself rolling, but I can think of so many other things that are more important, like the stories for money. I can't make myself work on fanfic because I think I have to get more stories done so I can sell them.

I have to relax.

Here's how bad it is: I get Poets and Writer's Magazine, and I use the back to mine for submissions, and I haven't opened the last 2 (it's every other month, so that should tell you something) because the Jan/Feb issue is titled 'The Inspiration Issue'. Look at that cover and tell me that's not intimidating. Or it could just be me.

It's not a new thing that I don't like to listen to other people talk about their writing. And I don't mean in a "this is my plot" way. That's okay. I don't like to listen to meta about writing. I don't care about why someone writes, or how they do it, or what drives them. Because it makes me think about what drives me, and I don't care about that either. Everyone seems more together than me. Everyone seems to think this is…important enough to talk about (I think I'm doing that now). All I know is that the more I think about my process, the worse my fic is received, the less it's liked, so I don't LIKE to think about it. So, there.

Also: everyone I know is writing a book. One of them sold their book. Others are submitting theirs. I don't even have a short story to send anywhere. Every time I try to sit down and edit, I think, "God, what's the point, editing isn't going to make it better." /whine (If you are one of those people reading this, I sincerely wish you nothing but the best, really, I do.)

Anyway, I am blocked. I even have an idea for a two-column poem about a man licking the print advert for gum in the subway car. See? Ideas. Still. Who's going to buy/print that shit? My gum poem? Fuck that shit.

Part of it is this doubt that I know where to submit my stuff. I don't know. It's not like the shit I read in the samples, and I can't find a place that has stuff like mine. And that bothers me, or something. Or maybe I think it's interesting. I dunno. I just have to find the place.

I feel better just writing all this.

Fuck all that. Okay. Coconut Man, Moonheads, and P.



Next on Amanda blogs: I have discovered how to exercise, and nyah nyah nyah, you bastards. Also, Cashmere Mafia was the worst trainwreck of a show I have watched since The L Word, but I couldn't stop watching.

I HEAR WHAT YOU SAY, AND ALTHOUGH THE WORDS ARE THERE, I THINK THAT I WILL ONLY TRULY UNDERSTAND YOU WHEN I HEAR YOU SCREAM THOSE WORDS. AND YOU WILL SCREAM. YOU WILL SCREAM.

It has a shallow drop, but how lovely.

also: GOTTS SUCK A ***** IN THE PARTY ZONE:

I HAD SEX WITH GARETH DAVID LLOYD ON A SINK AT DRAGON*CON AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY MANICURE:



( Yes, this sums up my whole D*C experience nicely. )

That was my big fat D*C exp. Seriously, few panels, lots of booze, tonnes of food, great people, EXCELLENT CONVERSATIONS, and a renewed sense of writing. I WILL WRITE THAT FPREG. IT WILL BE AWESOME.

OH AND I THINK I MIGHT HAVE A SEASON TO AIR THIS FALL.

( Oh, and Jack and Ianto's post-it D*C adventure )

BUT FOR NOW, my dad is out of surgery, and I'm waiting to hear how he is, and I have plans to make biscotti with cabernet cocoa powder, and possibly some cupcakes.

I dreamt about biscotti last night.

I made a list of shit to do divided by pages: on page per category, house, work, online, general, errands, etc. IT'S NINE PAGES LONG.

See ya'll on the flip side.

EDIT: I bought their Netherworld Blend and the Reanimator Blend. The latter is great. Haven't tasted the firmer. Go there and browse the teas and coffees.