An actual blog post.

[amand_r]

Okay. So.

I opened a document to start a new story (in which vampires are normal and humans are the myth. I'm working on it.), and I couldn't face the whiteness. So I opened episode 8 and corrected the grammar there, and then. Then. I looked down.

There, from under the L key—dust. I saw that.

So after about twenty minutes of tweezing clumps of cat hair and dust and detritus from my keyboard, I stopped to consider that I might have a small problem.

Writer's block.

It's not like I haven't had it before, the erectile dysfunction of the literary world (can you tell how desperate I was to make that joke?), but this comes at a time when I am teeming with ideas. I have about a dozen scenes in the season 4 that I'd love to put down. I have about thirty short stories in various stages of development. I have four stories that I should edit and resubmit.

I'm going to have to drop out of the tw genfic fest. I know it's not going to be done. It's not even started. It's planned. I could start it and get myself rolling, but I can think of so many other things that are more important, like the stories for money. I can't make myself work on fanfic because I think I have to get more stories done so I can sell them.

I have to relax.

Here's how bad it is: I get Poets and Writer's Magazine, and I use the back to mine for submissions, and I haven't opened the last 2 (it's every other month, so that should tell you something) because the Jan/Feb issue is titled 'The Inspiration Issue'. Look at that cover and tell me that's not intimidating. Or it could just be me.

It's not a new thing that I don't like to listen to other people talk about their writing. And I don't mean in a "this is my plot" way. That's okay. I don't like to listen to meta about writing. I don't care about why someone writes, or how they do it, or what drives them. Because it makes me think about what drives me, and I don't care about that either. Everyone seems more together than me. Everyone seems to think this is…important enough to talk about (I think I'm doing that now). All I know is that the more I think about my process, the worse my fic is received, the less it's liked, so I don't LIKE to think about it. So, there.

Also: everyone I know is writing a book. One of them sold their book. Others are submitting theirs. I don't even have a short story to send anywhere. Every time I try to sit down and edit, I think, "God, what's the point, editing isn't going to make it better." /whine (If you are one of those people reading this, I sincerely wish you nothing but the best, really, I do.)

Anyway, I am blocked. I even have an idea for a two-column poem about a man licking the print advert for gum in the subway car. See? Ideas. Still. Who's going to buy/print that shit? My gum poem? Fuck that shit.

Part of it is this doubt that I know where to submit my stuff. I don't know. It's not like the shit I read in the samples, and I can't find a place that has stuff like mine. And that bothers me, or something. Or maybe I think it's interesting. I dunno. I just have to find the place.

I feel better just writing all this.

Fuck all that. Okay. Coconut Man, Moonheads, and P.

Next on Amanda blogs: I have discovered how to exercise, and nyah nyah nyah, you bastards. Also, Cashmere Mafia was the worst trainwreck of a show I have watched since The L Word, but I couldn't stop watching.

Comments

[veridari.livejournal.com]

Maybe this is something that happens to writers in February. I'm being a bit silly, when obviously this isn't silly to *you*, but the same issue is happening to Summer. She has always been a writer, since she could hold a pencil. I have hundreds of stories by her. When she was littlier, they were illustrated stories, with drawings and a sentence on each page. But now she has created her own universe with a unique set of characters - she has even had me design art for it. She she writes stories in it in longhand on notebook paper often 30 pages long per story.

I only tell you this (cuz you know Summer long distance) because she has been pacing the house all week with the worse case of writer's block. It is driving her CRAZY. She has posted about it on Facebook, asking friends for solutions. She has asked me for solutions. I am not a writer, so I have none for her (or you). I only offer this up to you to tell you it must be some mutant plant's spores in the air causing the creative cells of the brain to go quiet, or something is off in the drinking water? (Humor is bad because I'm only on my first cup of coffee. Sorry).

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

MAYBE IT IS FEBRUARY. TELL HER TO HANG IN THERE.

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

You'll be pleased to know that I am NOT writing a book. I am, however, knitting a pair of kneehigh socks. For my mother.

Things to do include more spinning (potentially nekkid), experimenting with the new vegetable in my life (kohl rabi) and taking the rubbish to the tip (no garbage collection in our tiny town).

Also, work out why the fuck I have written two pornish drabbles for Merlin in the last week. I'm not even in Merlin fandom and the show makes me grind my teeth.

As per writing, I have no process. I occasionally get gnawed on by bunnies until I write shit down. See immediately above, in which case they were ninja bunnies that I didn't even see coming, WTF, I don't even.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HAAAHAHAHAH THERE IS SOMETHING THREATENING ABOUT NINJA BUNNIES.

I keep finding things to do that distract me from writing: sewing, cleaning (again) the treadmill (hours at a time), horrible series streaming on netflix, Go Fish with the kid.

I have to schedule my life again.

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

IT'S LIKE MONTY PYTHON BUT THE BUNNEH IS BEHIND THEM, PICKING THEM OFF ONE BY ONE.

I keep finding things to do to distract me from cleaning and exercise. Maybe we should swap somehow.

[fiwen1010.livejournal.com]

That sucks :( I've had it on and off for the last few months - the bunnies are biting (and there's even a couple of original fic ones hiding in amongst the Torchwood fic), but getting the words is like drawing teeth (admittedly with anasthetic - it doesn't exactly hurt, but it's uncomfortable and not something I'm entirely sure I need to do, really...)

And yes, I'm procrastinating. I even wrote my CV rather than look at a blank page of Torchwood fic.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I know that feeling. Yesterday I watched three eps of Cashmere Mafia AND did an hour ion the treadmill to eat up my spare time. :(

[pocky_slash.livejournal.com]

I could have written most of this post :\

I don't know if it's the time of year or what. There are times when I'm able to crank out 4k before taking a break to pee, but I've barely been able to string sentences together since mid-December. Even the old trick of "have someone request something and see if that inspires you" isn't working. And, like you, I have entire scenes, entire fully thought out stories stuck in my head, but when I sit down in front of a computer or a notebook, I just can't seem to actualize them and I find myself tapping my fingers impatiently or playing tetris or whatever.

And I also have friends who keep writing and selling novels. And I have ideas for that too! But, again, I sit down and nothing happens and I wonder why the fuck I even bother.

ANYWAY. Just thought I'd rain some more misery down. I'm thoughtful like that.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

We are block sisters.

We should have a block party.

[reddevilpoes.livejournal.com]

OOOHH Hugs to you...I haven't been writing for too long now...zillion unfinished stories/plotbunnies breeding in my brain...nothing works. I even subscribed to the gym and got myself a 'personal trainer'..I feel like effing Madonna, just not as skinny (just old..like her)
So, when februari is over....1 lose weight
2 write
3 write some more
4 get a tan (not too much..I have red hair)

And you...good luck, it's almost march

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I anguished over the treadmill. It was a lot of money, but over the years I have balked at buying it because I was always going to go to the gym or walk outside because it's free. But I never do. The treadmill I do every day. I like changing the incline and speed to the songs on my ipod. I like that no one sees me. And since no one sees me, I even run on it. Yesterday I did 3.5 miles in an hour and burned 550 calories. So I decided that diet and the treadmill are my thing, and all the other things (go to the gym! mor machines! walk outside! it's free!) can just work for some body else!

[canaana.livejournal.com]

What genres are you writing? Or writing between, as the case may be? I may have some more detailed information on placing stories, but it depends on the genre.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

They're not genre stories. Well some of them are. They straddle. I'm trying to place one now about a mining kid who dumps Ronald McDonald down a mine shaft. Another is about a mortician who discreetly eats parts of all of his charges.

[blue-fjords.livejournal.com]

Word em up. I hear you. Instead of writing, I made beer cupcakes. Last night I went through half my closet. I'm going to go through the rest. I'm watching a cartoon. I'm going to do an art project. B/C I CAN'T FUCKING WRITE! So many ideas and NO WORDS.

I want more of that fake sushi.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I AM ALSO WATCHING A CARTOON. I AM MAKING COOKIES.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_hedgewytch_/]

*Hugs* don't think about them, don't let it get you down
You have something different that will blow everyone away xxx

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Aw, that is nice of you to say. I keep telling myself that what I write isn't crap, it's just not placed right!

[walktheboat.livejournal.com]

Seriously, are you me? I could have written most of this. I think it's the time of year, maybe? I don't know, but I'm blaming it on winter.

And I love that you compared writer's block to erectile dysfunction.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Seriously, you want to write, but you just can't get it up.

I wonder if they make a pill for that.

Poe would have called it "opium".

[amonitrate.livejournal.com]

writer's block sucks rocks.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Big hot demented rocks.

[irisdragonfly.livejournal.com]

don't like to listen to meta about writing. I don't care about why someone writes, or how they do it, or what drives them. Because it makes me think about what drives me, and I don't care about that either. Everyone seems more together than me. Everyone seems to think this is…important enough to talk about (I think I'm doing that now). All I know is that the more I think about my process, the worse my fic is received, the less it's liked, so I don't LIKE to think about it. So, there.
this whole thing has been rattling around in my brain.
i'm one of those "i post everything in my lj bc i assume no one but me reads it" type people. and i do. i really dont think anyone reads me- but me. and that's fine.
i've hit this point now where i am so annoyed with myself when i say "my book" that i cringe now. it's so counterproductive.
i always equate talking about writing "my book" with those poor pathetic souls that want to be on american idol. i do it every time. someone out there told them that they were "the best singer ever" and they arent. but they keep trying. i'm currently trying to not freeze and then take an ativan every time i think about writing.
it's a bitch of a mistress- i'll tell you.
and everybody that i know is writing a book too- and those that are published are all dicks about it now- and i cant help but be motivated by that horrible pressure. like when i finally broke down and watched GLEE- with horrendous results.
ok. i'm shutting up.
did i have a point?
i cant say that i did.

?just keep swimming?
?never go swimmin with bow-legged women?
?dont fear the reaper?
fuck it. i want a crepe.

[irisdragonfly.livejournal.com]

OH OH OH! i remember my point!!!!!

everything i say, think and do at this point makes me feel like a hypocrite! that's what it is.... i sit and talk and talk about "my book"- but then roll my eyes when people sit there and plug theirs.... i'll journal my whoooooole motivation- but then get all pissed and cheesed off when other people do it. i'm such a bitch about it.
and then i sit there and think.... i wonder how many people roll their eyes at me when i go on and on about how i'm going to be the next american idol....(of writing)...
it's such a fuckety catch 22.
THAT was my point.
god. my brain is broken.
too much oregon trail i think.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I too would like a crepe.

[arsenicjade.livejournal.com]

I am not writing a book. Just so we're clear. And I have no deep thoughts on why I write, either. Well, none that I would ever talk about in public.