amand_r: (doctor who/HARRIET JONES)
1. Guess what you can't wipe up with a Clorox wet nap? Baking Soda. Nope, if spills on the floor and you go to wipe it up, but you just end up pushing it around on the lino. Then when you give up and try to scoop as much of it as you can see, you realize you have just thinned it to an invisible coating of baking soda. And then for days when you step in that area in your socks, you get a squidgy feeling as you slide around in it. Then you realize that you put this in your body: A POWDER THAT CANNOT BE DISSOLVED AND PICKED UP BY THE LIQUID IN A CHLOROX WIPE. (Spider has since informed me that I can clean it with vinegar. Thanks, babe.)

2. Squeezing lemons when your hands are chapped to the point of cracking is not the smartest idea in the universe, lightbulb. However, if you put your fingers in baggies and put a rubber band at the base of each finger, you get to race the clock to see if the pain from cracked skin or the pain from listing feeling in the fingers will make you stop first.

The answer is NEITHER BECAUSE I AM THAT BADASS.

3. Me: Viv, are you done pooping?
Her: No. I got to chillax.
Me: What?
Her: Just chillax, mama.

4. I drove behind a Bronco II that had this on a paper taped to the back windshield: I WILLNOT SPEED JUST TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. I SLOW DOWN FOR TAILGATERS.

5. I have many thoughts on Rhianna's S&M. Some of them are not good. Most of them are nonchalant, which as we all know, is the opposite of chalant. Not to be confused with chalet, or Swiss Chalet, which makes me think of Swiss steak, which makes me want steak. Or those onions that come on top of steak sometimes. When you make a bowl of sautéed onions and mushrooms to put on steak and meats, that's called the kitty. I eat the kitty on fried sweetbreads. Now I want to watch Josie and the Pussycats. Dujour means swiss steak!

6. I DID A THING. )
amand_r: (torchwood/tack+tardisOTP)
A LITTLE BACKSTORY:

On my way to the circus this summer, [livejournal.com profile] lionessvalenti, whom I have since met and proclaimed a) a real person and b) a lovely person and also c) a perved person, lamented that she couldn't/wouldn't/shouldn't write for the newly announced [livejournal.com profile] tw_bigbang, though the reason why alludes me. I said that if she came up with an idea, I'd help.

This is that idea. Sort of. IIRC initial ideas were simply "YEAH YEAH JACK/IANTO/TARDIS, BABY," and then we might have decided that we needed a plot. Or at least a way to get them on the TARDIS, which already had an owner. I think at one point in time, we had toyed with the TARDIS being like Lassie and getting Jack (and by extension, Ianto) aboard so that they could rescue the Doctor from an alien race or something, but that got to be tedious, and so I believe that [livejournal.com profile] kel_reiley, [livejournal.com profile] lawsontl and [livejournal.com profile] beesandbrews were all there to witness the moment when one of us turned to the other and:

Thing One: Do we even need a plot?
Thing Two: I guess not.
Thing One: We could write nothing but porn.
Thing Two: Could we…do 15 thousand words of porn?
Thing One: We could try.
Thing Two: I'm game if you are.
Thing One: They are SO GONNA GET LAID.
Thing Two: I need more Pimm's.

So there you go. Twenty-four thousand words. I guarantee that fifteen thousand of those words is porn. I know because I just checked. You can tell us apart in the fic, but that doesn't matter, because baby got LAID. Plus, it's funny, and a little romantic. All the parts you like? [livejournal.com profile] lionessvalenti wrote them, most likely. I sat back and watched for a lot of this fic, and she's a genius. And perved. PERVED. I LOVE HER. GO READ IT AND SHOWER HER WITH PRAISE.

ALSO, NOT TO BE DISCOUNTED, OUR FELLOW TARDIS SEX MUPPET, [livejournal.com profile] laurab1, hopped on board and created art! Because she is awesome and understands the magic that is TARDIS loving. So go look at her art and tell her how awesome she is!



Title: Borrowed Time (or, That One Time Ianto and Jack Committed Grand Theft TARDIS)
Authors: [livejournal.com profile] lionessvalenti and [livejournal.com profile] amand_r
Beta(s): [livejournal.com profile] basingstoke and [livejournal.com profile] 51stcenturyfox in varying degrees. Thanks, ladies!
Artist: [livejournal.com profile] laurab1! Wooooo!
Character/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Jack/Ianto/TARDIS
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 24,090
Warnings: SEX. A LOT OF IT. A LOT. TONNES.
Disclaimer: We think that if we owned these guys, we'd already be on TW S6. AND IT WOULD BE ON THE DIRTY CHANNEL. They might fight aliens. You know, if they felt like it. Whatevs. But alas, they belong to the BBC.
Authors' Note: The working title for this was simply, "Operation: Get The TARDIS Laid." That's what we did. A lot.
Summary: The TARDIS shows up on the Plass. It couldn't hurt to look inside, right? Just for a second?

Link to Fic: [ONE] [TWO] [THREE]

Link to [livejournal.com profile] laurab1's FANTASTIC Art(s!): RIGHT HERE.

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December 2020

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