amand_r

Sometimes I have to toot my own horn. Because I like to be funny. So some clips of future TWS4 eps, funny bits.

( WIP MEME )

Why do so many people say "I usually hate 2nd person, but..." when they want to complement a 2nd person story? Where is this spate of 2nd person POV fanfic? Because I can think of like, maybe ten I've ever read, and three of them are mine. How much can you have possibly read? Do you think then, maybe it's not the POV that bothers you, but that most people do it badly? So it's no big complement to say "I don't usually like it but..." What you should say is, "I find most 2nd person POV to be crap, but yours is good." There is nothing to like or dislike about a POV. There's something to like or dislike about what a person has DONE with a POV.

In any case, even if, after extensive sampling you don't like 2nd pov, it I dunno gives you hives or something, please think of something to say other than, "I don't usually like 2nd pov, but you did a good job! You made a silk purse out of the sow's ear of 2nd person!"

This really had no point. I just feel for others who write in 2nd and when 75% of their comments start with that I feel like checking to see if comments are being made accidentally triplicate.

Anyway, I don't actually care enough to discuss it. I have episodes of Johnathan Creek to watch. WHO IS THIS HO IN THE 4TH SEASON? AND DAMN YOU BBC FOR INTRODUCING HER IN THE CHRISTMAS ONE OFF SPECIAL THAT ONE CANNOT ACQUIRE LEGALLY FROM NETFLIX. FUCK YOU RIGHT IN THE EAR, YOU BBC AND YOUR "HOLIDAY SPECIALS".

I know she's Saffy from AbFab. I just don't like her. I don't like that she and Johnathan had sex. I don't like that she's married and they're still playing the UST all over the place. God does that get old. SOLVE THE DAMN CRIME WITHOUT YOUR BOOBS FALLING OUT OF THAT TOP--OOH LOOK, IT'S MANNY FROM BLACK BOOKS.

So, I said that I was at like 58K in my MBABB, and it's upped to about 60 now, but I stopped the other day and went, "What if this is shite? Jesus, what if people are tired of your writing style?" So I thought I'd dump some stuff out on the table for you and make myself feel better.

It's like the bodyswap in a lot of ways--teamy, funny, actiony. It's less about relationships. It's more about Torchwood and what they do, and the emotional/relationship stuff is all in the back. I mean, it happens, but at about the level you see in the show. It's episodic. As in, I'm writing 13 stories, most of which hover around 20K. It has an arc. Like five of them, well okay a lot of them, and it's complicated and I'm writing all the eps at once, actually, though I try to front load, so like 1 is done and betaed, and 2 is done and waiting for beta and 3 is almost done, and I have 4 already well underway. 5-10 are pretty much outlined and started. 11-13 are still in the planning stages, with chunks written, and I add and change as I write from the front.

But right now it feels like a lot of 'Holy crap, what if I do all this for nothing?' And while I'm having a great time, I still like to share what I'm doing, and it's...wow is it fun. It has OCs and old favorites, old gadgets and new ones, a few characters who barely made an appearance in the show. I even manage to find places to work in things like UNIT, the Valiant, PC Andy, etc. It's awesome.

So, because I can never wait, ( without giving away critical spoilers, I present six samples. )

Title: Any Other Day: Saturday (aka 6/8)
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Team, Rhys (Jack/Gwen, Gwen/Rhys, Jack/Ianto)
Ratings: NC-17 (in some parts)
Timeline: Post-Meat, Pre-Reset (assumes flashback knowledge from Fragments)
Summary: Hey, this one time? At Torchwood? Gwen and Jack switched bodies and everything went pear-shaped.

Author's Notes: I love this fic, because I love the team, I say, THE TEAM. Thanks to 51stcenturyfox and cruentum for the beta! This was started back in May, when I wasn't nearly the TW freak that I am, and so I think it's more cracky than I had intended. It's funny. It's potboiler fic.

SPECIAL THANKS to laurab1 for the bitching fanart! Check that shit out!

This fic is a WIP, divided by days: Monday-Tuesday. It should have 8 parts, some longer than others, depending on what happens any given day. There you go.

PREVIOUSLY, on TORCHWOOD: Monday, Tuesday (A), Wednesday (A), Thursday (A), Friday (A)

( It could be worse, she could be carting bodies, like Owen and Gwen. )

1. I used to get really mad at the administration when I taught, and I used to tell myself that when I was out of teaching I'd write a bald-faced book about what's really going on, and people would read it and say, "Yeah, that’s fucked up." I never did that (though I should. It'd be like the professional career version of blowing up the Bridge Over the River Kwai), but the other day I just realised that I feel the same way about society in general, and I SHOULD WRITE AN ANGRY TELL-ALL BOOK ABOUT IT, and then I realised that since I'd be writing about all of us on the planet, there'd be no one to read it. Like, Maybe an alien or something. LAWL. THAT'LL SHOW YOU ALL. THE SLITHEEN ARE ON TO YOUR JACKASSERY.

2. OMG I MUST SEE THIS FILM.

3. ( photodump and shit )

4. I made pickled red onions. Woah mama.


EDIT: I want to add that my kid just ate three small bowlfuls of these with her lunch. W. T. F. :D

RECIPE: Slice RED ONIONS. I used like one large one. Place in bowl. In a small saucepan bring to boil:

1 c. white wine vinegar
1.c. sugar
3 tsp. Kosher salt
3 tsp black peppercorns
1 cinnamon stick

Stir until well dissolved and then pour over onions. Refridgerate. Chill overnight. THEN CONSUME.

If you are like me, then you have no white wine vinegar and no black peppercorns because you threw them away like a moron. This is okay. Go Asian and use rice vinegar and szechuan peppercorns.

WHO WAS IT THAT WE TALKED ABOUT "I LOVE CORM"? PERSON—IN THE ABOVE THING, I MISTYPED IT AS "CORM" EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I LOVE CORM.

Why was there no corm in this?

I made a corm puree for under my chicken livers with bacon and red onions in a basalmic-wine reduction. NOM NOM NOM.

PHILISTINES.

OMG SO MANY BIBLE JOKES, SO LITTLE TIME.

5. ( A little excerpt from the latest body swap. )

Title: Any Other Day: Thursday (aka 4a/8)
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Team, Rhys (Jack/Gwen, Gwen/Rhys, Jack/Ianto)
Ratings: NC-17 (in some parts)
Timeline: Post-Meat, Pre-Reset (assumes flashback knowledge from Fragments)
Summary: Hey, this one time? At Torchwood? Gwen and Jack switched bodies and everything went pear-shaped.

Author's Notes: Thanks to idyll, who caught four GLARING issues. Also? I love this fic, because I love the team, I say, THE TEAM. Thanks to 51stcenturyfox for the beta! Thanks also to Pornsultant Bob, who schooled me in the ways of cock, man-style. And I mean that practically—when you don't have one, you never stop to think about some of the day to day issues. Note: This was started back in May, when I wasn't nearly the TW freak that I am, and so I think it's more cracky than I had intended. It's funny. It's potboiler fic.

SPECIAL THANKS to laurab1 for the bitching fanart! Check that shit out!

This fic is a WIP, divided by days: Monday-Tuesday. It should have 8 parts, some longer than others, depending on what happens any given day. There you go.

PREVIOUSLY, on TORCHWOOD: Monday, Tuesday (A), Wednesday (A)

( Gwen woke up and tasted fur. )

Title: Any Other Day: Wednesday (aka 3a/8)
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Team, Rhys (Jack/Gwen, Gwen/Rhys, Jack/Ianto)
Ratings: NC-17 (in some parts)
Timeline: Post-Meat, Pre-Reset (assumes flashback knowledge from Fragments)
Summary: Hey, this one time? At Torchwood? Gwen and Jack switched bodies and everything went pear-shaped.

Author's Notes: Thanks to idyll, who caught four GLARING issues. Also? I love this fic, because I love the team, I say, THE TEAM. Thanks to 51stcenturyfox for the beta! Thanks also to Pornsultant Bob, who schooled me in the ways of cock, man-style. And I mean that practically—when you don't have one, you never stop to think about some of the day to day issues. Note: This was started back in May, when I wasn't nearly the TW freak that I am, and so I think it's more cracky than I had intended. It's funny. It's potboiler fic.

SPECIAL THANKS to laurab1 for the bitching fanart! Check that shit out!

This fic is a WIP, divided by days: Monday-Tuesday. It should have 8 parts, some longer than others, depending on what happens any given day. There you go.

PREVIOUSLY, on TORCHWOOD: Monday, Tuesday (A)


(  Rhys made her toast and tea, and that was a blessing, because she had spent too much time in the shower, trying to wank appropriately. )

Title: Any Other Day: Tuesday (aka 2a/8)
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Team, Rhys (Jack/Gwen, Gwen/Rhys, Jack/Ianto)
Ratings: NC-17 (in some parts)
Timeline: Post-Meat, Pre-Reset (assumes flashback knowledge from Fragments)
Summary: Hey, this one time? At Torchwood? Gwen and Jack switched bodies and everything went pear-shaped.

Author's Notes: Thanks to idyll, who caught four GLARING issues. Also? I love this fic, because I love the team, I say, THE TEAM. Thanks to 51stcenturyfox for the beta! Thanks also to Pornsultant Bob, who schooled me in the ways of cock, man-style. And I mean that practically—when you don't have one, you never stop to think about some of the day to day issues. Note: This was started back in May, when I wasn't nearly the TW freak that I am, and so I think it's more cracky than I had intended. It's funny. It's potboiler fic.

SPECIAL THANKS to laurab1 for the bitching fanart! Check that shit out!

This fic is a WIP, divided by days: Monday-Tuesday. It should have 8 parts, some longer than other, depending on what happens any given day. There you go.

PREVIOUSLY, on TORCHWOOD: Monday



( PART (A): He didn't bother to wake Jack; Jack, if he was anything like normal, had only been asleep for about fifteen minutes, and Ianto suspected that he was like himself, since Gwen had slept through what was left of the night, and now was messing about in the shower with her new bits. )

On To Tuesday (b)

1. Someone explain to me why Asheru doesn't have a full EP for this fucking song. Because I am tired of pressing "play" on this 30 second clip. And if there is a full edit, TELL ME.

I AM THE STONE THAT THE BUILDER REFUSED, I AM THE VISUAL, THE INSPIRATION THAT MADE THE LADY SING THE BLUES. I AM THE SPARK THAT MAKES YOUR IDEA BRIGHT, THE SAME SPARK THAT LIGHTS THE DARK SO THAT YOU CAN KNOW YOUR LEFT FROM YOUR RIGHT. I AM THE BALLOT IN THE BOX, THE BULLET IN THE GUN, THE INNERGLOW THAT LETS YOU KNOW WHEN TO CALL YOUR BROTHER, SON. THE STORY THAT JUST BEGUN, THE PROMISE OF WHAT'S TO COME, AND IMMA REMAIN A SOLDIER 'TIL THE WAR IS WON.

That makes me wanna booze up and riot. That, incidentally, is going to be the speech I give in court when I act as my own defense. Like, in my opening argument. My closing argument will obviously be:

..ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm[not] a lawyer defending a major record company [myself], and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, (softly) does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.

I can taste freedom already. I choose however, as is my conjugal right, to put up a poster of Raquel Welsh on my cell wall.

2. So:



The rudest thing I have ever asked someone is if they will give me 10 percent of all their children (And while we're on that subject, I don't see what the big deal was. I mean, Hallo? You yielded in the past! Duh!). The rudest thing I have ever been asked is, 'So, what’s with all the mucus throwing?' IT'S A SKIN CONDITION, PEOPLE..

3. The Hermione Big Bang is edited and sent to the mods. *squee* ONE DOWN, TWO TO GO, BIATCHES. By November I shall be footloose and fancy free (and ready to start looking for a job. Boooooo! Hiss!). I might even pretend to be Kevin Bacon.

4. After much debate (and some Wallow Weekend encouragement), I am decided to start posting the body swap, even though it's not done. I know this means that I won't have some readers until it's done, and that is fine. But It's sitting here, and the more I look at it, the more ornery I get, and it's been a long time since I've posted something FUN, FUN FUN, PEOPLE. CRACKALICIOUS SILLINESS WITH A SIDE OF SRS BZNS (AND PLOT). SO, read it if you like, or don't. But even the unfinished parts are mostly written. I have the first three "days" written complete. Day Four is almost completely done, and days five through eight are chopped up into sections. Like I said, read it if you want. :)

5. MY PARENTS TOOK MY KID TO THE LAKE FOR THE DAY. WHATEVER SHALL I DO? I THINK I'LL SEE HOW MANY WORDS I CAN WRITE IN ONE DAY. JACK WON'T LAY HIMSELF, YOU KNOW. WELL, HE COULD, BUT YOU KNOW.