pimps down, hos up.

[amand_r]

1. Happy Birthday, Lord Byron. I still hate your fucking poetry but want to be your drinking buddy.

2. My kid has discovered the miracle that is Disney Princess SpaghettiOs with meatballs whereas mommy feels like her childhood has been whupped upside the head with a cricket bat.

3. "At the age of 22 Conan applied for a job at Mrs. Fields, but sadly never received a call back," John Lauck, President of Mrs. Fields, tells the Daily News. "We want to officially call you back, and make amends for what we now know was a huge oversight in talent recruitment." OH I LOVE YOU.

BORDERS! I APPLIED FOR A JOB IN 2006! AND 2003! CALL ME! (omg what is wrong with me that you don't want me? Is my hair too natural looking? I CAN CHANGE! MY LIFE FOR YOU! MY LI—WELL NO, BUT—WELL, YEAH, IF YOU ESSENTIALLY CONSIDER THAT I AM OFFERING HOURS OF MY LIFE TO WORK IN YOUR STORE IN EXCHANGE FOR MONEY, I LITERALLY AM TRADING MY LIFE FOR MONEY. HIRE ME! I CAN INDEX AND COLOUR CODE, USE A STEP STOOL AND LOOK PRETENTIOUS AND BE ABSENT WHEN CUSTOMERS NEED HELP! I COULD DO THAT FOR YOU.)

4. I started using a new conditioner, and I gotta tell you people, it smells fucking fantastic. I don't know that it's any better or worse than what I was using before, conditioner wise, but it SMELLS GREAT. I HAVE BEEN HUFFING MY HAIR ALL DAY.

5. The following conversation also occurred.

Me: Wanna listen to Dream?
Her: No. Sleep!
Me: You want to go to sleep?
Her: Yeaaaaaah.
Me: You never want to go to sleep. What, are you on crack?
Her: Oh yeah, okay crack.
Me: I wasn't offering.

Then she spent fifteen minutes trying to cram the stuffed giraffe into her ski pants. OH I HAVEN'T SHOWED YOU THE GIRAFFE AND HIS CLOTHING ADVENTURES.

UR DOIN IT RONG:


ROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG:


OMG WHUT?


TONIGHT, ON THE ALMOST WEARING A MITTEN CHANNEL:


ALMOST…NO:


I CAN HAS SNOW TIEMS NAO?


I also haven't showed you Rody. This will have to wait for another day. Until that time, here:

BEHOLD THE FIRST HALF OF MY BASEMENT:


IT'S LIKE THE TRASH HEAP FROM LABRYNTH:


I'm going in. If you don't hear from me in 48 hours, drink heavily and toast the dead. Say, "Oh aye, that Amand-r, a bonny lass doth…ed she be..uhm, ed. I remember her well Hora-tee-oh! A fellow-ette of infinite jest and uhm, some other crap." Then poison your mom and kill your uncle. I was also going to suggest that you sexually harass your girlfriend, but for some unfathomable reason that seemed worse than the poisoning and the killing. Hrm. THEY ARE ALL BAD.

No, don't do any of that last bit. I DO NOT ADVOCATE VIOLENCE. NOT ON MY BEHALF. But if you like, smack some people in the back of the head when they're dumb? DO THAT IN REMEMBRANCE OF ME, WHICH IS WAY LESS CREEPIER THAN EATING A LOAF OF BREAD AND PRETENDING THAT YOU’RE EATING MY FLESH.

WHAT THE HELL? ARE YOU WELSH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKES?

Okay, really I'm sane, I swear.

6. opium_and_tea I owe you, and it's partially done! I have showed it to peoples! So, soon, but I need to pause-button today to work some shit out in RL. Muther fuckers.

7. mini-meme: Five Favorite Female Characters, because I ain't putting pics up for you: a) Princess Fucking Leia, b) Vanyel's Aunt Savil in the Last Herald Mage books, c) Gwen Cooper, d) Lt. Anita Van Buren on the Original Law and Order, e) Buffy Summers, BONUS: f) Amy Gardner, from the West Wing (possibly also Nancy Botwin, Mary Louise Marker's character from Weeds)

Comments

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

I am LOL so hard at the Mrs. Fields thing. Oh my god, some clever PR person just got a raise there. :D

Also, your basement makes me want to organise things *twitches*

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

ALL THOSE BOXES ARE EMPTY AND JUST NEED TO BE BROKEN DOWN. ELSE THEY ARE STILL TAPED SHUT AND NEED TO BE REPACKED AND SORTED BEFORE BEING STACKED.

I STILL CONTEND THAT IT IS NEATER THAN NICK'S ROOM CURRENTLY. HE SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO LIVE IN MY BASEMENT.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

You do make an excellent point about Nick's room. I bet there are very few crusty plates in your basement.

[adjovi.livejournal.com]

what is your conditioner? i got this crap for christmas that is organic stuff and smells like mint, but dries the eff out of my hair.

i'm hanging out with blue after work!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Herbal essences's None of your frizziness (http://www.herbalessences.com/us/collections/none_of_your_frizzness/default.jsp), though I never use the matching shampoo conditioner combo so this time the shampoo was garnier fructis smoothing shampoo.

HUG BLUE FOR ME!

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

FUCK BORDERS! they never called me, either
also, i am curious about your conditioner - YOU NEVER TOLD US WHAT KIND AND WHAT IT SMELLS LIKE!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

see above comment!!

[count-to-seven.livejournal.com]

Borders called me but I told them to EFF THEMSELVES and went to Barnes and Noble.

I regret it to this day. But at least the nightmares are subsiding...

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

OMG BARNES AN NOBLES TOO. THEY ALL TOLD ME TO EFF OFF. BASTAGES! I WOULD BE SO GOOD AT IT!

[easilymused1956.livejournal.com]

Vi is just as fantastic as her mommy. Nothing normal for her! Princess noodles, dressed up giraffe, adventures at bedtime. Lalala

Good luck with the basement. I used to have a room like that.

Renee

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid it's going to eat me, that basement.

[amonitrate.livejournal.com]

PRINCESS FUCKING LEIA. I think if she's first on your list, you're a certain age. Like, our age. She'd be first on my list, too. I'm sad I don't have a leia icon.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I KNOW RIGHT! I mean, yeah, I like Zoe from firefly and all thatm but LEIA!

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

Your child is cute EVEN WHEN SHE IS NOT IN THE PICTURE.

Goddamn Lord Byron. He's one of those writers whose life was a more interesting work of art than his writing, isn't he? He'd be fun to hang out with but I feel like I'd get annoyed pretty quick if it was all "BLAH BLAH I'M SO AWESOME I SWAM THE HELLESPONT NYAH."

Princess Leia, dude. I wanted to be her. And then later I wanted to be Carrie Fisher.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

OMG I WOULD BE ALL, "YO BYRON, DO THAT FUNNY THING WITH YOUR CLUB FOOT AGAIN, NO ONO DON'T BE THAT WAY, MAN."

I love Carrie fisher. Her last book was a riot.

[topgeargirl2.livejournal.com]

ha, those pictures are cute.

I so wish I can post my porn battle fic right now and I have to read crue's rpf later after I come back from watching the Tour down under. it's a cycling race with men in lyrca.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Haahahah YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL IT STARTS!

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

Please don't be lost dead in your basement, then you won't be able to see plastic Jack have sex with a teeny tiny sandwich.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

OMG THAT WOULD BE A TRAVESTY.

[blue-fjords.livejournal.com]

I am totally buying those Spaghettios for Priscilla in February!! And how much do I love those boots?! So much!

Dude, I'd hire you at my local Borders in a heartbeat. I had this cashier the other day who personified CREEPY. Right down to the oily smile. Ick.

Your basement looks like our guest room. No guests can stay there.

[huesiemama.livejournal.com]

#2 is marginally better than this: http://wiimedia.ign.com/wii/image/article/729/729724/bozon-ign-blog-pics--20090909071104516.jpg
(html hyperlinking baffles me)

#3 I was going to say I am Switzerland on this whole Leno vs. Conan thing. But it's not even that. I nothing that situation. And B&N needs to get over themselves.

#4 Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific!
The stylist at CheapoKutters recommended a conditioner for me as I am apparently doing terrible things to my hair with my natural tea tree oil shampoo. I wouldn't say the conditioner smells like ass, but I definitely do not want to huff it.

#5 Poster above is correct. Kid is cute even when not in pics! Best of look on the basement. I came out of bundling our recyclables and removing a door knob needing about 5 bandaids. I am Les Nessman.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

2. bullshit! POKEMON ARE AWESOME.

3. i DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE ISSUE IS WITH LENO AND CONAN. ALL I KNOW IS THAT BORDERS BETTER CALL ME BACK.

[annemjw.livejournal.com]

I have a weird desire to go eat canned goods now.

Also, jobs at Borders: sound good in theory, but I think would drive me nuts. Maybe because of all the books, because I would be working, and therefore couldn't read them. Hmm. I don't know for sure though, I don't deal well with stupidity, so a lot of retail stuff makes my face go D:

I HAVE NOT SLEPT SO MY COMMENTING IS WEIRD AND I CAN'T THINK OF ANOTHER ADJECTIVE.

Oooh, giraffe. I like his gumboots. I need some awesome gumboots. I want ones with glitter, actually. Like... purple glitter. Or made out of old rubber duckies or something. A massacre of rubber duckies covering my feet.

[opium-and-tea.livejournal.com]

I have a friend who works at B&N and, to be honest, it sounds like her job sucks ass.

Work out your RL shit, take your time. I'll be here.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Brilliant!