amand_r | I am back, bitches!

For a long while I have been depressed about fandom. I read things on my flist and then get mad or sad, or even worse, intimidated. In fact, last night I had convinced myself that the only way to keep myself from being depressed and upset all the time was to just up and leave fandom.

This isn't a new struggle for me. I take what everyone says with a great deal of more weight than it is probably intended. I can remember comments to things that I write for ages. I think once Jotribe said that I over-explained in One Thousand, and to this day I think of that when I write, because I don't want to make the same mistake (though I am willing to bet that I have.).

I let them in, and I gave them too much credit. I don't get my things Brit picked. I probably never will. I'm okay with that. Likewise, if you are reading my fic and you are a Brit picker, maybe you shouldn't, not because I occasionally forget to say nappie, or because I use a word that you haven't heard of that I then have to dig out of the internet to prove to you is used in your country, but because my sentence structure isn't British. Never has been, never will be. And if three words in my fic bother you, then why are you not having apoplectic fits over that?

I know that there are tonnes of people who love to have shit like that pointed out to them, and maybe in a PM it's fine, and maybe if I was looking to improve in that area, it would work. But I'm so not. And if your entire comment is something along the lines of a dashed off "I love this—" and then the rest is a comment about Britishisms and the like? You have an agenda. You may not know it, but you do. Keep it away from me. I don't know why I have an influx of it (like an infestation), but it has to stop. You're not helpful. You actually just sound like an anal jackass, especially if you don't provide examples, or if you're wrong.

I have never come across issues with Britpicking before, actually. I've been in Harry Potter fandom for years and I wouldn't say I go out of my way to Brit things up, but I have never received complaints before. Now all of a sudden people are coming out of the woodwork.

But it occurred to me that I would rather lose readers than have to put up with it, and that has to be saying something.

And there's more.

I'm not going to hide it, I'm a bitch about fandom. I have definite likes and dislikes, and I have been known to make fun of things in private (and sometimes on Twitter, which I apologize for not because I did it, but because it was public), mostly because we all do it, even if it's just in gchat with our fandom BFF. And if you say you haven't, then you are lying. We can all look at you and judge.

Anyway, I sometimes forget that in the middle of my mocking your writing, or your views on yaoi, that I am not implicitly clear in this additional thing:

You are completely valid in what you write. If you want to write that 56 chapter mpreg and forget to use apostrophes? There's a market for that. I will NEVER EVER READ IT, but I'm not your market, and that is okay. And if you want to write, or make icons or pics or whatever, you go ahead and do that, because no one should ever be told that they aren't ALLOWED to do something in fandom (except fuck chickens).

This came to me as I was thinking about this HORRIBLE STORY I was skimming, something about…well, it was bad, and then I surfed away and my next thought was "I'm going to write that RPS titfucking thing." Who's to say that my fic is any more valid than the other one? Or any better.

In July, I was mocked by the anon meme. I let it get to me. I stopped posting post it notes. I took their mocking as crit, and that wasn't a good idea.

The meme is allowed to exist, just like my titfucking fic and the shitty mpreg of doom. Do I wish that their words didn't bother me? Sure. Do I wish they could direct their ire elsewhere and just forget that I existed? Yeah, I totes do. But I have no control over them, and I shouldn't. Because then it would be "who_amandr" and filled with images of John Barrowman ripping his pants and manips of GDL humping a sheep.

So there we go. I let it all fester. I let it sit there and tell me that I wasn't valid, that what I did was dumb, that it was a failure because it had faults. Holy shit people, I was sad because it wasn't perfect. IT WASN'T PERFECT. Last time I checked, my username wasn't "divine_creator".

More importantly. I'm not afraid of you.

So yeah, hi. I'm amand-r, and I like to write fic. I like to make fun of things in private and I like to de-anon my porn because I cannot keep a secret. I love writing things I have never written before and I love porn. I love kinks, and I love being your kink mistress. I hate bullshit and bad characterization. I hate people who get anal about sex in fic logistics, like WHERE IS THE LUBE AND OMG ARE THEY USING CONDOMS.

I hate people whose primary contribution to fandom is telling me, even if it is through "discussions" what fandom should and shouldn't be like.

I don't know where this post is going to take me. But I do know where I want to start:

OMG LOL THAT WAS TOTALLY NOT THE IMAGE I WANTED TO PASTE IN! HAAHAAHAHAHA I'LL LEAVE IT FOR POSTERITY! THE ONE I WANTED TO POST WAS THIS ONE:

And then a few random ones that have no context, really.

And then finally, ones I made for omnijaxual while I was in Ohio.

And I have a few people to thank, actually. I want to thank

cruentum,

neifile7,

paragraphs and

blue_fjords, because they have spent the past few days, whether they know it or not, helping me come to this conclusion, whether it was because they were there to talk to, or cheerful, or sending me private messages and emails about options and things that I could do to make fandom easier without leaving it entirely.

I want to thank

arsenicjade, because she's been down this road, and while I don't know of she solved her problem, thinking about her situation helped me put mine in perspective.

So thanks guys. I owe you steak. I'll even cover Crue's in lube for him.

Current Mood: amused
Current Location: THE HIDDEN BUNKER
Current Music: x-tina!