amand_r

SO.

copperbadge and I were going to have a "Senfeier-off" using cruentum's mother recipe. Eggs poached in mustard sauce. I was gonna take one for the team. I was gonna be brave.

Then Sam posted the pics of the finished product, and my belly said, "If that comes near me, you will see a deluge of vomit the likes of which only Tom Savini could design."

Me: Et tu, Brute?
Stomach: LO SIENTO, SENIOR Y SENORAS, NO ME YO HABLO ESPANOL.
Me: That doesn't make sense.
Stomach: Eheu! Harsum venit vir qui fert locustas!
Me: You're on crack.
Stomach: Et tu, Brute?

So instead I was like, "I'll make lamb. I love lamb braised in hot sauce with scallions!" TO THE STORE I WENT, AND APPARENTLY THEY HAD NONE. NO LAMB, ANYWHERE. I ASKED THE BUTCHER. HE WAS LIKE, "TOMORROW." (WHYS IS THIS IN CAPS?) Like there's some secret thing about lamb on Mondays or something. The lamb hook-up. The lambs are on strike on Sunday. I dunno, maybe they're Christian lambs. We do have blue laws here in PA. And there's a Jesus metaphor in there somewhere. Anyone who thinks this is offensive has never met Jesus. I have. He's okay with it. Like, when he shows up on fandom wank he's all, "Oh yeah, when I was a baby that shit made me cry. Now it's like, whatever dude."

SO.

I cast about for alternatives. What else could I buy? What looked good? I scoff at beef and shit. I was in the mood for lamb, now what reasonable facsimile do I get?

Answer: Swordfish.

Stomach: No really dude.
Me: for srs.
Stomach: I refuse to have a conversation with you when you speak in lolcat.
Me: lolwhut.

( So let's get this party started, and you can see wot I did. Image heavy. )

So, that has to count for something, right? right? It's not Senfeier, but it's something, right?

1. wherepiesdie is a comm dedicated to a rewatching and discussion of Twin Peaks in its entirety. We plan on doing 2 episodes a week. In the new year. If you've never seen before, or if you're in the mood for a rewatch and a discussion as you go, please check it out.

2. THE BEST SNACK EVER. I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE ALL SNOBBY ABOUT YOUR JUNK FOOD, THESE ARE THE BOMB:

GOLDEN GRAHAMS S'MORES.

A) GREASE 13x9x2" PAN

B) HEAT ¾ C. LIGHT CORN SYRUP, 3TBSP BUTTER, 11.5 oz MILK CHOCOLATE TO BOILING IN A DOUBLE BOILER. REMOVE FROM HEAT AND STIR IN VANILLA.

C) POUR 12 oz. GOLDEN GRAHAMS INTO A LARGE BOWL, TOSS WITH MELTED MIXTURE UNTIL COATED.

D) STIR IN 3 C. MINI MARSHMALLOWS ON CUP AT A TIME.

E) PRESS INTO PAN WITH THE BACK OF A BUTTERED SPOON. LET STAND 1 HOUR. ENJOY THE BLISS.

3. My dad doesn't read my lj, so it's safe to tell the abridged tale of the Snuggie.

( Goddamn muther effing sonofabitch. )

4. EVERYONE HAVE AN AWESOME CRIMMAS. I WOULD MAKE YOU A PLAYLIST OF WHAT I AM GOING TO BE LISTENING TO, BUT IT WILL PROBABLY BE ALL OTIS AND OLD LIZ PHAIR. I'M NOT EVEN GETTING DRUNK.

SOME MIGHT SAY I HAVE NO CRIMMAS SPIRIT. THEY MIGHT BE RIGHT.

EAT SOMETHING DANGEROUS FOR ME.

OMG I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ANYTHING IN TWO DAYS STOP SEND HELP STOP SEND BOOZE STOP SEND BANANAS AND MILK STOP SEND ANNE RICE STOP NO WAIT STOP PLEASE DON'T STOP DO YOU UNDERSTAND STOP PLEASE STOP STOP THIS IS CONFUSING WITH ALL THE STOPS STOP.

( The Montecristo is a great cigar. Spoilers for season one of The Sopranos. From 1999. But I'm being nice. )

A FUCKING ALBACORE AROUND MY NECK!

FBI agent: We want Johnny Sac, but more than that we want Montarno and Teressi.
Junior Soprano: I wanna fuck Angie Dickinsion. We'll see who gets lucky first.

1. I need the three Torchwood books. You know, The House That Jack Built To House His Concubines and the other two. But see, I have about 400 bucks burning a hole in my paypal account, and I need to use those funds to buy them. THE BOOK DEPOSITORY IS A LYING LOLA WHO SAYS THEY TAKE PAYPAL, BUT THEY DO NOT. Nor does Amazon. WHERE, PEOPLE, GIVE ME THE PAYPAL HOOK UP.

2. I NEED TO BE HIRED AS A WRITER ON PSYCH. FOR FUN.

3. ( UK TRIP ITINERARY )

4. CALL ME MANDER. SO IT WAS WRITTEN IN THIS BITCHING FIC, CONSUMPTION BY phaetonschariot, SO MOTE IT BE ANNAT.

5. I might be on cough syrup right now.

6. [INSERT RANT ABOUT ALL KINDS OF SRS BZNS TOPICS THAT HAVE BEEN FLIT FLIT FLITTING ACROSS MY FLIST LIKE SO MANY PAPER CRANES.]

7. [I HAVE A WRITING UPDATE.]

8. [BACON JAM HAS BEEN ACQUIRED, BUT NOT YET TASTED. SWEETBREADS THAWING. MAY IT PLEASE YOU SIR, EAT? MAY IT PLEASE YOU SIR, FEED.]

Is lj kinda borked for anyone else? I went to the front page and all I got was some lam ass icon.

1. The local Taco Bell has this on their sign today: "VOLCANO TACO CURL APPROVED." ….what?

2. How much do I love for some perverted reason that Tom Price plays Call of Duty 4? In my head, he has just become Ianto's housemate. YOU PHYSIO THAT WRIST, TOM!

3. My kid is starting to talk a lot. In fact, she won't shut up. But most of it isn't English. Anyway, that's cool with me. But sometimes she latches onto a song I play, and asks for them repeatedly. Recently it's been the Dixie Chuck's "Long Time Gone." She doesn't know any of the words, but this: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG TIIIIIIIIIIME GOOOOOOOOOOOOO(NE) YEAAAAAAAAAAAH." In the car. Repeatedly. Shine on, girlfriend!

4. So the Hermione Big Bang. Due July 3rd. How much is it killing me that I can't announce it until September? THIS MUCH. It's just going to be sitting there. LANGUISHING.

5. ( True Blood S2, Ep2 )

6. paragraphs has sucked me into the dark side. The dark side in which there is cake. In a jar. Off to the store I go!

The final consensus:

COURSE ONE: Dim sum, four ways. Dumplings for the win. The stuffed steamed mushrooms were okay (they really needed that chung choi that I couldn't get). The bacon wrapped water chestnuts were gone so fast I didn't see them go. I also did not get to eat any. Confirms belief that people will eat poop if you wrap it in bacon. I had leftover paper wrapped chicken, but only four packets out of like...twenty or more.

COURSE TWO: Congee. Dude, I thought this BLEW, and I will NEVER MAKE IT AGAIN WITH THIS RECIPE. The texture was there but the flavor profile was bad from the start. People still ate it. I suspect that they were either being nice, or they added lots of porkfu and scallions to it. Preferable alternative to this as soup course—winter melon soup. That rocked. Also, this was probably something that would have been better if I had had chung choi.

COURSE THREE: Garlic soba with wilted greens and fried tofu. I LOVED the tofu (and sthayashi, the SACRIFICES I made for you, not dredging it in egg first). Next time, remember to add Parmesan. Also, use seasoned panko instead of breadcrumbs. Just for giggles.

COURSE FOUR: Seoul Rolled Beef with parsnips, carrots and beans. This rules in so many ways. The only change I see is to alter the aesthetics: slice the beef thinner and wider so that the roll is more complete. After cooking, trim the ends to present flat geometric presentation. In other words: shit I will never do because I'm always too much in a hurry.

COURSE FIVE: Char siu. This is really hard to screw up, especially since I used the jarred stuff. Thank god for one sure thing.

COURSE SIX: Slow cooked Asian winter vegetables. I am unsure just how Asian this is, despite its title. It is comprised of all the vegetables I refuse to eat, so I'll have to take the general agreement that this was not only edible, but also good, as true. It was made in coconut ilk and sambal, so I suppose it had that going for it. I just hate sweet potatoes. In the future makes less, but add other veggies in addition. More sambal.

COURSE SEVEN: Fish braised in Chili bean Sauce. Despite people being freaked about the head and tail, this worked for me. Also, way to go Fuscia Dunlop for adding Chinkiang to the ingredients list and then never mentioning in which part to use it. Bah. Glad I only made the one, but I think I'll make the second for myself next week. Spicy! Lucky! We need some luck this year! I should have noted everyone who ate it this time so that next year we can all chart our luck in comparison with those who did not.

COURSE EIGHT: Steamed Asian pears with Chinese dates and honey. There was a comment that the skin was bitter, but that the pear was good. Wonder if I can just steam them skinned next time? Chinese dates had pits. Good to know. In the future, pit first. Next year, I think it's time that we tackled the monstrous beast called 8 Treasure Pudding, complete with pirate jokes.

All in all, a pretty good year. [Insert Tori Amos lyric of your choice here.]