amand_r | 'p' is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl

1. My Santa idea is fucking BRILLIANT.

2. Anyway, I want to talk about what a douche I am in the matter of talking about fic ideas. I am shit at talking about them. How many times have I said that? OMG A MILLION. What I try to do in a fic and the way I talk about it beforehand always seem to be two different things, because I'll start to talk to someone about a fic idea, and they focus on something that's like, NO THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT, and then it gets be down on the whole idea, because I'm like, "NO NO NO I WANT YOU TO LOOK OVER HERE. THIS OVER HERE, THAT'S THE PART I'M CONCERNED WITH. ::handwavey:: That part is unimportant." Then I get down on my writing, and think, "well, maybe I'm looking at the wrong thing," or more importantly, "am I seeing this wrong?" and then it all leads to "Jesus, why do you talk to people about your ideas? You know you are an ineffective communicator!" to finally, "Jesus this idea blows."

(The above paragraph is an example of how I shouldn't even get ANYWHERE NEAR writing meta, not even talking about how I talk about fic. And the previous sentence is obviously an example of how I shouldn't get anywhere near meta-meta and so on until this LJ entry becomes a TV inside a TV inside a TV like in that Dire Straits video.)

Eventually, they do read it, and when we talk about it afterwards, they are all "OH HAI THAT THING YOU TRIED TO EXPLAIN. I TOTES GOT IT." And I know that I wasn't too far off base to begin with.

Despite the end result, I spend a lot of time waving my hands and saying, "OMG JUST TRUST ME AND READ IT," when what I really wish I could do is say, "So look at this source material", and have the person go, "omg the thing! WITH THE X!"

…AND I WOULD SAY OMG YES, THAT'S WHAT I MEAN. LOOK AT THE X AND THE BLANK AND THE THINGY!"
…AND THEY WOULD SAY, "ARE YOU GOING TO BLANKETY BLANK AND THE WHATCHAMACALLIT IN THE DOHICKEY?"
…AND I WOULD SAY "OMG YES I TOTES AM!"
…AND THEY WOULD SAY, "DON'T FORGET THE THING WITH THE PROBLEM AND THE SOMETHING OR OTHER,"
…AND I WOULD SAY, "I HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT. I'M GOING TO LOAD IT WITH THE THING AND THAT ONE THING THAT LOOKS LIKE A DONKEY."
…AND THEY WOULD SAY "OMG THIS IS GONNA RULE SO HARD. YOU SHOULD ADD SQUIKKYWIDGET"
…AND I WOULD SAY, "YOU ARE BRILLIANT."
…AND THEN WE WOULD GO OUT AND HAVE INTERNET CAKE.

Helas.

The point is, if I have ever seemed down after I talked to you about a fic idea, it's because as we spoke it became increasingly clear to me that I was unable to adequately communicate my idea. And that is not your fault. It's mine. And I have to rely on fic. Which is getting old.

So my New Year's resolution to you people (there are about five of you who might read this and have it apply) is to try not to talk to you about fic again. Not because I'm being mean or whatever, but because I feel like I burden you with my flailing, and I don't want to be that person. I get all pissy after we talk, because I think that the idea sucks, and I am pissed at myself because I am frustrated. It's like having Werneke's or something. Anyway, I will try very hard, because you guys must be tired of the mollycoddling. And I don't even want to email you this to tell you in private because I feel even that is too much "talking about me and my issues". So if you read it here, let's just let it lie.

That said, anyone is free to talk to me about their fic any damn time they want. Any damn time.

3. TOO. MANY. DEADLINES. But still. Good, yeah? A THOUSAND YEARS.

4. That said, the Jaws/Torchwood needs a beta. I will be sending it in chunks (sets of completed chronological scenes) as I finish them. Spag and plot holes. Halp?

5. I want to sell short stories. How do I do this? LOL I kid. No I don’t. For srs, I would research before I asked you dudes. You are busy, and my fingers aren't painted on.

6. I should buy my kid crimmas presents. But I don't know what to get her. Everyone already bought her all the cool stuff.

7. I made cards this year, and you may have already gotten/will be getting one. I made 6 designs total: 5 Torchwood and one custom job.