slash blog
Mar. 6th, 2003 05:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amand_rBy no means a full entry for today, but it's all I could muster.
Shit I hate in slash fanfic:
HIGHLANDER AND OTHER ASSORTED FANDOMS HAVE BED IDENTIFICATION ISSUES: The "bed. now" construction is both inane and moronic. What the hell is this all about? I have (not that my sexual adventures are by any means a compendium from which to write a manual) never heard this shit. Let's just play a bit of how this goes in my head:
Methos lifted Duncan's shirt over his head and ...blah blah, something sexy...blah blah....Duncan gasped to feel the sensitive tongue tracing yukka yukka....blah de blah. He raised his eyes up for a split second to lock with the other Immortal's.
Duncan caught the talented fingers in his hands and stilled them, catching his lover's attention. "Methos. Bed. Now."
"Yes, I can see it's a bed," Methos murmured into Duncan's ear, stopping to sharply bite down on an earlobe. "And in fact, it is no less a bed now than it was earlier. Or is it only recently a bed, and prior to this moment it had been a pincushion or a rocket launcher?"
Duncan promptly lost his erection as Methos sat down on the now-bed and mused.
"Perhaps it's a ghost bed, like a Brigadoon bed, and it only appears in certain moments. If we're on the bed when it shifts back to its other plane of being, will we be transported there as well, trapped forever in a realm of beds and sheets?"
Duncan's cock stirred at the thought of a land of beds. Methos was lost in thought.
"Unless you were indicating that now would be a good time for me to get on the bed, in which case you could have said it in a much sexier way, instead of belying the argument you persist in making that you are, in fact, *not* an uncivilized Cro-Magnon Scot who likes to throw the chicken bones over your shoulder to the dogs."
Duncan felt like crying.
"All this talk of chicken makes me hungry. Let's go to Popeye's!" Methos trilled, slapping his hands off his still denim clad thighs before he rose from the rocket launcher (earlier)-bed (now) to cross the room and find his shoes. Duncan promptly sat down on the bed in shock, wondering where sexy!Methos had gone, only to be replaced with hungry!Methos. The bed shimmered for a second, then both it and its occupant faded out in a wail of bagpipes.
Methos turned and examined the spot critically. "Serves him right. 'Bed, now, arr matey.' Hmph." Then he stole Mac's wallet from the dresser top and went out for some chicken and waffles.
Bed. Now. Hmph.
HARRY POTTER PROBLEM: "Accio __________" when what you're putting into the blank is a sexual implement. Accio lube, accio dildo, accio vibrator, ACCIO DENTAL DAM! It's....it's....it's....damn silly.
OOOOOC......Aaaaaach, crap. Shit I never want to see again:
Severus Snape: "I , I, I, Harry, I lurrv you. I always have, Smoochie woochie kins"
Harry Potter: "I just want to watch you shake that ass, honey."
Methos: "What? A bath with rose petals? A facial! Girl, you got it going on! Hit me up!"
Logan: "Staring at the man as he dances in Babylon, I realize that I want to lick Chuck's [Prof. X's] bald head until the glitter raining from the ceiling covers us both."
::choke:: I think I sprained something with that last one.
Shit I hate in slash fanfic:
HIGHLANDER AND OTHER ASSORTED FANDOMS HAVE BED IDENTIFICATION ISSUES: The "bed. now" construction is both inane and moronic. What the hell is this all about? I have (not that my sexual adventures are by any means a compendium from which to write a manual) never heard this shit. Let's just play a bit of how this goes in my head:
Methos lifted Duncan's shirt over his head and ...blah blah, something sexy...blah blah....Duncan gasped to feel the sensitive tongue tracing yukka yukka....blah de blah. He raised his eyes up for a split second to lock with the other Immortal's.
Duncan caught the talented fingers in his hands and stilled them, catching his lover's attention. "Methos. Bed. Now."
"Yes, I can see it's a bed," Methos murmured into Duncan's ear, stopping to sharply bite down on an earlobe. "And in fact, it is no less a bed now than it was earlier. Or is it only recently a bed, and prior to this moment it had been a pincushion or a rocket launcher?"
Duncan promptly lost his erection as Methos sat down on the now-bed and mused.
"Perhaps it's a ghost bed, like a Brigadoon bed, and it only appears in certain moments. If we're on the bed when it shifts back to its other plane of being, will we be transported there as well, trapped forever in a realm of beds and sheets?"
Duncan's cock stirred at the thought of a land of beds. Methos was lost in thought.
"Unless you were indicating that now would be a good time for me to get on the bed, in which case you could have said it in a much sexier way, instead of belying the argument you persist in making that you are, in fact, *not* an uncivilized Cro-Magnon Scot who likes to throw the chicken bones over your shoulder to the dogs."
Duncan felt like crying.
"All this talk of chicken makes me hungry. Let's go to Popeye's!" Methos trilled, slapping his hands off his still denim clad thighs before he rose from the rocket launcher (earlier)-bed (now) to cross the room and find his shoes. Duncan promptly sat down on the bed in shock, wondering where sexy!Methos had gone, only to be replaced with hungry!Methos. The bed shimmered for a second, then both it and its occupant faded out in a wail of bagpipes.
Methos turned and examined the spot critically. "Serves him right. 'Bed, now, arr matey.' Hmph." Then he stole Mac's wallet from the dresser top and went out for some chicken and waffles.
Bed. Now. Hmph.
HARRY POTTER PROBLEM: "Accio __________" when what you're putting into the blank is a sexual implement. Accio lube, accio dildo, accio vibrator, ACCIO DENTAL DAM! It's....it's....it's....damn silly.
OOOOOC......Aaaaaach, crap. Shit I never want to see again:
Severus Snape: "I , I, I, Harry, I lurrv you. I always have, Smoochie woochie kins"
Harry Potter: "I just want to watch you shake that ass, honey."
Methos: "What? A bath with rose petals? A facial! Girl, you got it going on! Hit me up!"
Logan: "Staring at the man as he dances in Babylon, I realize that I want to lick Chuck's [Prof. X's] bald head until the glitter raining from the ceiling covers us both."
::choke:: I think I sprained something with that last one.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
... dances in Babylon? *imagines this*
Date: 2003-03-06 05:01 pm (UTC)nooooooooooooooooooo!
Date: 2003-03-06 06:42 pm (UTC)Oh I see. The pain made you gouge them out yourself.
::snerk::
Then I couldn't see the pretty men!
Date: 2003-03-07 03:38 am (UTC)Smacking Michael
Access The Egg
on disc 6 - containing all the 'bonus features' - this is not accessible via any menu press the GOTO button on remote
when TITLE: __/23 appears input '10' and press PLAY - you will then be treated a conglomeration of clips of Deb smacking Michael.
For the easter egg go to disc 6 Go to "the folks"
highlight Debbie and hit enter to get to the Debbie Novotny screen. A black and white photo of Sharon Gless will be highlighted. Press Up and Debbie's name will be highlighted. Hit enter.
I just finished a Series 1 marathon during my snow day. Say it along with me: Mmm... pretty men... *repeat as necessary*
*eyes you* Nelly bottom indeed... well, maybe... okay!
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