how is it that I don't have a coffee icon?

[amand_r]

The kid has been playing with her Thomas the Tank Engines:


This cannot end well.



THIS IS AN 8 CUP VACUUM SIPHON POT:


IT WILL RENDER UNTO AMAND-R COFFEE THAT…WHICH…IS, UHM AMAND-R'S, AND SHIT. GOD, I HATE THE BIBLE SOMETIMES.

STEP ONE: PUT ON THE MUPPET SHOW:


STEP TWO: TELL YOUR KID, "WATCH THE MUPPET SHOW. MOMMY HAS TO GO TO CHURCH":


STEP THREE: FILL POT WITH WATER


STEP FOUR: GOOGLE HOW THE DIFFUSER WORKS AND THEN USE IT CORRECTLY (HINT, USE AS IS. DO NOT BEND INTO BALLOON ANIMAL SHAPE OR TRIPOD. THIS IS NOT CHEM CLASS.


STEP FIVE: FEED FILTER THROUGH TUBE FROM THE TOP


PULL SPRING WITH CHAIN SO THAT IT HOOKS THE BOTTOM LIP OF THE TUUUUBE.


THIS IS HOW THE FILTER LOOKS FROM THE TOP:


STEP SIX: PUT COFFEE IN TOP. NOTE THE AWESOME BLACK…PLASTIC…THING WHOSE ONLY PURPOSE IS TO HOLD THE TOP PART UPRIGHT.


STEP SEVEN: AFFIX TOP INTO BOTTOM AND SET ON MEDIUM HEAT.


STEP EIGHT: SEAL A RIP IN TIME WITH TOSH, TOMMY AND MADELINE L'ENGLE:


ONCE THE RIP IS HEALED, THE WATER SHOULD BE RISING TO THE TOP:


STEP NINE: STIR YOUR COFFEE.


LOCK YOUR CO-WORKER UP, STARKERS, WITH A WEEVIL:


STEP TEN: LET BOIL FOR 60 SECONDS AT FULL ROLL:


STEP ELEVENTY: REMOVE FROM HEAT. USE NANCY-ASS TRIVET LIKE A FROU FROU BASTARD:


BRING A GAS MASK:


COFFEE WILL DESCEND ON IT'S OWN! IT'S REALLY COOL. I SHOULD YOUTUBE IT:


STEP TWELVETY: POUR AND ENJOY! PRETEND TO BE WAITRESS IN DINER:


TIP YOURSELF. FIFTEEN PERCENT OR MORE. FLO WORKED HER ARSE OFF FOR THAT COFFEE.

THAT IS ALL.

Comments

[madder-rose.livejournal.com]

O.o wtf.. I think I failed that coffee-cooking class.

I just add boiling water to mine. And coffee. And sugar. Lots of sugar.

Have an instant coffee-icon.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

LOL I HAVE THREE DIFFERENT METHODS OF MAKING COFFEE. I VARY THEM. THIS ONE IS THE MOST OF THE AWESOME.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

Wow. Complicated.

I like step 8!

We have the same Parsley Flakes. I feel very close to you right now (and your Parsley Flakes).

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

STEP EIGHT WAS THE HARDEST PART! DO WE HAVE THE SAME PARSLEY? THAT IS AWESOME. WE ARE SPICE GIRLS!

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

OMG that is fantastic. Where did you go to school to learn how to do that?

(Does it REALLY taste more awesome than regular oil Mr. Coffee coffee?)

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

Note: I said oil, not ol' as planned. ANYTHING would taste better than oily coffee (which is why I am glad when I remember to clean out my coffee cup before I use it)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I READ THE INSTRUCTIONS! IT WAS AWESOME.

I wouldn't say it's better or worse. It's a different taste, that's for sure, because the brewing process is different. It's more like percolated coffee.

[planejane.livejournal.com]

GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a Keurig. Turn on, stick pod in, press button. Voila, OK coffee. I get better coffee from my French Press.

I don;t have time to go back to college to learn how to work one like yours. Srsly! It looks like something you'd find in a Chem lab ... or was the meth lab. We only have your word that's coffee.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I have a cafetiere, too, and I like it, but it doesn't make enough coffee in one sitting. I use the auto drip when I want tonnes of coffee, and these two for when I want coffee coffee.

I srsly almost failed chem. There was math! Numbers! I fail in the face of numbers!

Some days I want a Keurig.

[sivatheminty.livejournal.com]

That looks awesomely complicated, and love the Madelene L'engle reference.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I SHOULD HAVE SAID "WRINKLE" IN TIME.

[electro-club.livejournal.com]

I love coffee, but I'm too lazy to make my own. So I buy coffee. :D And, well, when I'm working, there's a lady there who makes coffee for everyone, so I drink hers. Nom nom.


I love your mug, though! <3 Mamacita! haha

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Haahahahah I love the mug too, but I think I'm going to have to pitch it soon-- there's a pressure crack in the glaze inside.

I buy coffee, too, but it's so expensive, and I never go OUT for coffee. I need massive amounts of it to function. I'm an addict. I'm okay with that. :D

[electrictoes.livejournal.com]

I want the Thomas the Tank! *grabby hands*

The coffee thingy whatsit looks like fun, but I imagine I would blow our house up. I am not allowed to make anything that has potential blowing up ability since I made custard last semester.

Did the coffee taste good?

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

OH! THE COFFEE IS EXCELLENT.

Yeah, I was so worried about the glass on burner thing that I googled the diffuser a billionty times to make sure I was using it correctly. Once I had a pyrex pan burst on an electric stovetop, and I was not up for more!

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

STEP TWO: *this is kid's skeptical face*

it looks like a meth lab

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

OMG look at the hard core ones:

[joanwilder.livejournal.com]

YOU MADE THAT SEEM RIDICULOUSLY HARD! so much easier if you don't lock up the co-workers, let the RIP rip, and to hell with Google, ask your MUM!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HEY MAN. IT WAS A COFFEE EMERGENCY. I NEEDED COFFEE AND IT WAS 10 AM. YOU WERE UNAVAILABLE, MOOMLE.

[(Anonymous)]

OMG that looks all kinds of complicated and awesome. MUST HAVE. But probably not for the first coffee of the morning, I can't think that much without a base level of caffeine.
Now how am I going to break the news of the weevil step to my coworkers? They did not cover that in barista class!!
One question (that you may or may not know the answer to)...Do you think that works with the flat top stoves? Yes I know they have some sort of special name, but I have no idea what it is. Point is I don't have the sticky-uppy burner things anymore. New house = new appliances. Haven't quite figured out all that stuff yet.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

Oops that was me. Got all excited and forgot to log in *facepalm*

[lawsontl.livejournal.com]

I have that exact tin of Jasmine tea. Well, I just have the tin now. The tea's long gone and has been refilled with other types of tea repeatedly, sometimes even Jasmine!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

That tea ia about five years old. Tianyu got it in college. I still use it to make buba tea.

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

like woah... a billionty steps. mine generally include 1. fill and turn on electric kettle. 2. open coffee bag (like tea, only not) 3. insert bag in cup. 4. cover with hot water. 5. drink. (well, 4a would be add milk and sugar/sugar like substances).

But SO cool ... who knew coffee could be so cool!!! (and so hot at the same time)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

LOL I drink too much coffee for those little bags to be cost effective.

[firefly124.livejournal.com]

Holy hell, that looks complicated! I would blow something up. I am not allowed to attempt any sort of boiling of things that does not involve the container whistling at me when it's time to come turn the heat off, as I have welded two metal kettles to the burners and shattered a glass one. The glass one was even a whistler, but I hadn't put the stopper in tight enough.

And yet, I bet the coffee's delish, so now I want to go get one. Except for the fact I would blow it up.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I was very afraid. and yeah, you have to pay attention to it. I set my microwave's timer.

[kwanalicious.livejournal.com]

Whoa, that is sweet. In other news, I only learned the word "trivet" the other day, and here you are using it! In retrospect, I don't know what I called it before...my mom only referred to it in Chinese.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

What is it in chinese?

[pocketmouse]

THIS IS THE BEST DIRECTIONS FOR COFFEE-MAKING EVER.

I ESPECIALLY APPROVE OF STEP NINE POINT FIVE.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

STEP NINE POINT FIVE IS IMPERATIVE. OTHERWISE THE COFFEE TASTES LIKE ASS.

[huesiemama.livejournal.com]

Excellent coffee tutorial! Both my boyz enjoyed it. Also have the same parsley flakes, and jealous of your Jamie Oliver wares!

Sadly, I am drinking instant as the lone coffee drinker in the house(I think my 11 year old will grow up to drink it though, slow moving in the AM). But its organic instant from the nearest health food store!

My 6 year old(The other TW fan in the house!) made an awesome face when he saw the Thomas pics!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

LOL I NEED TO USE THOSE TERRINES. I HAVE HAD THEM THERE FOR MONTHS.

DID YOU SEE THE MEAT CHOPPER?

BABY, GET YOURSELF A FRENCH PRESS. HONEST. FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS DRINK INSTANT.

TELL YOUR SIX YEAR OLD THAT JACK AND IANTO PLAY "THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE" ALL THE TIME AFTER WORK!

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Step one: Go to Starbucks.

END OF STEPS.

That looks like a really complicated bong. Bongs should be simple.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

YOU CAN MAKE A BONG OUT OF A POTATO.

BY THE WAY, I think pizza pops are a Canadian Farce, like Bigfoot and "real" maple syrup.

I went all over that mutherfucking freezer section, and ain't no pizza pops there.

[dvanulya.livejournal.com]

This makes me want real coffee. Brb. Close another rift in or something while I'm gone.