a blatant misfiring of the local language

[amand_r]

1. mrsalemp rescued a set of Swainson's Hawks and named one of them Captain Jack Hawkness. It's pretty sweet, except that the second one, whom she almost named Ianto, died (he was pretty hurt when they rescued and turned him over,TBF), and now Jack apparently has West Nile Virus and refuses to eat. OH MY GOD THE PARALLELS (that I drew in my head in the manner of a crazy person who sees her own life in the three line horoscope in the paper). Patelyne has pics in her LJ, though, and bonus: THE VET CANNOT TELL WHETHER JACK IS A BOY OR GIRL. PART OF ME FINDS THAT HYSTERICAL. Pat, your story totes made my day.

2. kalichan asked for the post-it, so I made it. rm, I tried to put you in a suit. Also, smirnoffmule! WE ARE IMMORTALISED!



3. The kidlet and I are…we're having serious talks about chocolate milk, and how we cannot have it all the time. It's Ovaltine, not chocolate milk, BTW. I hate that shit like burning. Nastay. Anyway. It goes like this:

Mommy: Do you want a drink?
Viola: Scotch and soda.
Mommy: Think again.
Viola: Chocolate milk? (which is really just, "chocomilk?")
Mommy: You had some with lunch. How about juice?
Viola: KITTY REJECTS YOUR OFFERING ::headspinning:: YOUR MOTHER'S IN HERE WITH US, CARIS. EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE.
Mommy: Ohhhhhh kay. ::sets cup of white milk on the table::
Viola: IF I HAD THE RING, THE UNIVERSE WOULD BE MINE TO CONTROL. ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR.
Mommy: Go to your chair.

Later:

Mommy: Do you want a drink? (see how I set myself up for this shit?)
Viola: Chocomilk?
Mommy: No, I don't think so.
Viola: CHOCOMILK.
Mommy: Yeah, 'kay. ::hands her a cup of water::
Viola: ::looking at the cup of water:: Nooooo! (as she does this she runs away, hands flailing, like a muppet)
Mommy: Go to your chair.
Viola: ::is already in the chair:: I'M DONE. AHAAAHAHAHGHRHGHAH I'M DONE.
Mommy: Obviously if you're screaming about being done then you're not done.
Viola: I'M BLOGGING ABOUT THIS WHEN I GET OLDER.
Mommy: I ALREADY BEAT YOU TO IT, CUPCAKE.
Viola: You're the reason I'm in therapy!
Mommy: Haahahahaha welcome to the human race.

Ours is a loving relationship.

4. Just for you. (h/t kwanalicious)

5. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ME. (h/t, sthayashi)

6. 51stcenturyfox, here's your sexy Mermaid song, courtesy of Great Big Sea.

7. Die Trufachts: for the past three nights in a row, one of my recurring dreams involves me trying, and failing to correctly install my shower curtain rod.

Comments

[lawsontl.livejournal.com]

My life remains eternally more tragic than everyone else's because your photo host is blocked at my work. Once again, I am forced to wait until I get home to see the latest posties.

I must console myself with the ARB posties I printed out and stuck on my cube wall. It is a sad fact of life in the building where I work that no one will ever notice them. There's only four of us left in our suite designed to seat 34. Even though work at home privileges have been withdrawn for our entire department, only some teams have implemented it (mine being one of them, always a big hooray that we follow the rules, innit?). Therefore, today I am the only one here. Two of the other three are: working at home. The third is at our corporate office, preparing to be sucked into the vortex (in a couple more weeks, she will be there permanently).

So then there will be three. Me, my longtime friend who followed me to this company, and the antisocial assohole. Longtime friend has watched gay porn with me, therefore, some cheeky posties won't cause so much as an eyeblink. And the antisocial asshole is, well, an antisocial asshole. If he's here at all, he closes his door. If he comes by to say 'hello,' it is with all the authenticity of a politician the night before the big election. He's not actually LOOKING at me, let alone what's on my cube walls. He's probably just trying to figure out how he can have HIS office and MY cube (I only have three walls, the fourth one is nothing but windows, the view is quite nice, he can keep the stinking door, TYVM).

So, um, hi!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHHA. CHECK YOUR GMAIL.

Also? How much do I love that my supersperm post its are at your workplace.

I AM EVERYWHERE. MUCH LIKE JACK'S COCK.

[lawsontl.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear. I'll bet you didn't bat an eye when a government worker with the ability to issue COMMANDS OF DEATH handed the temp her password on a post-it, either, did you?

See, I work for a BIG HUGE EFFING BANK. Your photo host is blocked. You think all possible venues of me getting personal e-mail aren't blocked as well? Here, here's my password to "Hal": open the pod bay doors, baybee!

Why Livejournal is not blocked remains an eternal mystery, because all other social networking and generally fun sites ARE, including Dreamwidth. Maybe they just forgot LJ is out there.

But since you're being nice, I shall PM you my top seekrit work account.

[lawsontl.livejournal.com]

BTW, I freaking LOVE Ovaltine. But it's gotta be the European Ovaltine in the orange canister. The crap they sell here in the States is way too sweet. Hubby's mom is Swiss. Ovaltine is a way of life for him. I have been assimilated.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

ALL OVALTINE HAS THAT SHIT ASS WHEAT UNDERTASTE TO IT. I am skeptical. I was that kid who was all, 'this tastes like it's healthy. Is this healthy?"

[kalichan.livejournal.com]

I LOVE THIS TIMES ELEVENTY BILLION.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HAHAHHHAHA I HOPE YOU LIKE ORANGE. IT WAS THE FIRST PENCIL I PICKED UP.

Shower curtain rods

[marita-c.livejournal.com]

I have recently discovered the existence of shower curtain rods that curve outwards. Once I installed one of those in my bathroom, my life has been completely transformed!!! No more cold, wet, icky shower curtain that starts groping and clinging in the middle of my shower. Oh no. Now it's all ROOMY. I can move, spread my arms around, and the shower curtain is WAY BACK THERE. This seemed like very relevant information, just so you know.

Re: Shower curtain rods

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I have seen them, and man do I want one.

In the dream, the rubber parts that wedge the rod up are old and cracked and dry, so the only thing keeping it up is the sheer pressure. NOT UNLIKE MY CURRENT RL SHOWER CURTAIN ROD.

Re: Shower curtain rods

[lawsontl.livejournal.com]

Um, y'all ever hear of shower doors? No curtain necessary. Nothing blows around when the air shifts in the room. And you don't have to replace them every six months or so when they start falling apart from bizarre moldy funkitude.

I realize they can also be boring, because they're a fixed thing. You can change your bathroom by changing the curtain. But I will take a picture of my mom's bathroom, so you shall see that no amount of shower door will stop the most devoted of lace flingers. My mom's shower door has valances. And tie backs. And rosettes. It's sorta so appalling that it's almost good.

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

OMG, the rm/kalichan Post-it is INSPIRED. I love it!!!

I want a Post-it.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

OMG WHO WOULD I SHIP YOU WITH?
NOT HELLO KITTY. TO EFFING EASY.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

Viola: I'M BLOGGING ABOUT THIS WHEN I GET OLDER.
Mommy: I ALREADY BEAT YOU TO IT, CUPCAKE.
Viola: You're the reason I'm in therapy!
Mommy: Haahahahaha welcome to the human race.

Man, if my mom knew how to work the internet even today, that is probably almost exactly what our lives would be like. (Even though these days 'go to your chair' is substituted with 'so and so from church really wants to know how you're doing, can I give them you're number?' THE ANSWER IS NO, ALWAYS.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD, THE LAST TIME I WAS IN CHURCH WAS FOR MY HUSBAND'S FUNERAL, AND THE LADIES THERE WANTED TO TAKE ME INTO THE KITCHEN AND LAY HANDS ON ME IN PRAYER.

You said many interesting things, but that was what popped out of my head and into this little box.

[smirnoffmule.livejournal.com]

I LOVE IT. It's exactly how it goes down in my head (and in my bed). Even right down to the big giant censored bar.

I love how I'm legs up in the air, and you're legs down. I think we're 69ing. Possibly with knives.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I like to think that the censored bar leaves us SO MUCH ROOM. YOU KNOW. WE COULD BE NAKED. WE COULD HAVE LIKE A BAG OF HEADS UNDER THERE. NO ONE KNOWS.

The DVD commentary of our adventures will actually say that I just couldn't PROPERLY DRAW THE AWESOME, so I had to fudge it. But no one listens to that commentary shit anyway.

[smirnoffmule.livejournal.com]

I do. I jerk off to it.

[blue-fjords.livejournal.com]

You could have a bag of tootsie pops in there. Or, say, a whole 'nother person. I can be bendy.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

My story made your day? Yayz! How do you repay me though? You send me directly to hell by making me laugh over my poor dead bird. And my poor dead Ianto. AT THE SAME TIME. AND THEN you ship me with the coffee machine? ILU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!! *wonders if there was a time in 1965 that abuse of an espresso machine would have been acceptable*

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HAAAHAHHAHAHA.

I THOUGHT MAYBE I HAD FINALLY GONE TOO FAR.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

I think I might have lost sight of how far is too far (as evidenced by my current convo about Gwen's tumor/baby with tardistenantsue)...anywho...NOT TOO FAR!! COMPELETLY AWESOME AND I WANT TO PRINT IT FOR MY WALL LOL

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

SEXY MERMAID SONG!

I have to DL it later, but I promise to dance like MC Hammer. Even if that totally doesn't fit. :D


THAT'S SOME NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE ARTWORK! I LOVE IT!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

YEAH! THE TARDIS GETS WORSE EVERY TIME I DRAW IT! IT'S CRAPPIER ON THE INSIDE!

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

#7 - i used to have a recurring dream where a cash register would come to life and eat me(in a bad bad way) - to be fair i was working in a dept. store over the christmas holidays at the time...

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Dude, that is some bad dream. SHOOT IT IN THE FACE.