the last one left with the last bad check; the only good one that he ever had died.

[amand_r]

This is a fannish post. I thought about writing non-fannish things, and I find that I cannot be funny about them. BUT IF YOU'RE REALLY HERE FOR MY MUNDANE LIFE, HAVE A SLICE:

1. LAUNDRY, DISHES, DEAR GOD THE FLOOR IS COVERED WITH A BLANKET OF CAT HAIR THAT RESEMBLES THE THICKNESS OF PINE NETTLES UNDER A TREE. I BET IF I VACUUMED, I'D FIND FUCKING NARNIA.

2. I HAVE CRAMPS.

3. I redid my userinfo/profile page into post-its. I think it's better.



4. So, while I was discussing SOMETHING TORCHWOOD RELATED IN SOMEONE'S JOURNAL THIS WEEKEND, I SAT BACK AND HAD THIS MONOLOGUE IN MY HEAD. I changed the names to make it more relevant. Because it's all about me.

Everything I think and everything I do is wrong. I was wrong about fandom, I was wrong about Ianto, and now Jack was gone and the series was ending. It all boiled down to one inevitable conclusion, I was just totally clueless. Oh, and this Jack and Gwen thing was wigging me more than anything. I mean, what was my problem? Gwen is my pal, I don't begrudge her a best friend, I really.. Ooh, I wonder if they have that in my size.

What does she want with Jack, anyway? He dresses funny, he listens to Glen Miller, he's not even cute... in a conventional way. I mean, he's just like this slug who hangs around the Hub all the time. And he's got no table manners, I couldn't take him anywhere. Wait a second, what am I stressing about? This is like, Jack! OK, OK, so he's kind of a baldwin, but what would he want with Gwen? She couldn't make him happy. Jack needed someone with imagination, someone to take care of him, someone to laugh at his jokes... in case he ever makes any. Then suddenly...

Oh, my God. I love Jack.

I am majorly, totally, butt-crazy in love with Jack.

…sniff. I also miss Ianto. LOOK PEOPLE. I HAVE TRANSFERRED MY LOVE TO JACK. LIKE WHEN A PARASITE CRAWLS OUT OF A DEAD HOST AND INTO A LIVE ONE. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

I still love Ianto. Like burning.

4. beesandbrews sent me this fic to beta before SHITBEARS WEEK '09. I read the first draft and then she sent it back, and I ignored it because I was TRAUMATISED. But I finally betaed it, and it is the shit. It's called The Sheriff of Cardiff. THE. SHERIFF. OF. CARDIFF. You know who that is. And he isn't the same Jack you know. Ianto stumbles onto an AU version of Torchwood, of Cardiff. It's dark and funny and clever and sexy and comes with a side of Team! Special guest stars Andy and Hart! LOVE! GO TELL HER YOU LOVE HER.

5. I DON'T KNOW WHY I BOTHER LINKING TO HER, BECAUSE YOU ALREADY HAVE HER FRIENDED ANYWAY, but Foxy has solved that pesky "How did Jack know about that fucking Ion Cruise ship up there?" issue. FREE TENTACLE SEX SHOW!



EXIT STAGE LEFT AND SHIT.

Comments

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

I can't exit stage left. I'm doing theater in the round!

Ianto would want us to love Jack. Love 'em hard. oh yeah.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

WITH TONGUE.

[valancy-joy.livejournal.com]

but of course!

[zomgvampires.livejournal.com]

*uses her JackxGwen icon for this, just to make you jealous <3* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Do I get a cookie if I say what movie that was from? I'm doing it anyway.

OMG I F-ING LOVE CLUELESS!!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HAAAHAHAHAHAAAHA. I KNOW! I WISH I COULD HAVE PUT THE FOUNTAIN IN HERE.

[beesandbrews.livejournal.com]

Ah but I do love Jack in all his glorious wtf-ery and that is why I am so very, very bitter. Jack deserved better. Much, much better.

ps. thank you for the plug!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Jack deserves a helping of my pancakes!

You are welcome.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

1. I resent the implication that as a fannish sort I am not a real person. I AM A REAL PERSON TOO!! I AM NOT IMAGINARY oh no what if I'm not a real person!! I AM REAL!! LISTEN TO ME ASK ABOUT REAL THINGS!!! How's that knee doing? SEE?! THAT IS REAL!!!
2. Poor thing!!
3. It totally rocks, you seriously need to consider that post-it mood theme! Also - I think maybe you shouldn't talk about my mom that way, its kind of skeevy (TRUST ME)
4. I still love my Ianto, John Hart could take some residual love but Jack just isn't my guy *sighs*
4....wait. why are there two fours? DO YOU THINK I CAN'T COUNT!! I NOTICED!! And since I apparently can be bossed around by random internet peoples who may or may not actually be real I will do as you say and check that out in a bit...
5. I'M SORRY!! I DON'T KNOW WHO SHE IS!! I ONLY RANDOM FRIEND SPECIAL PEOPLE!! DON'T YOU LIKE BEING SPECIAL?! and Foxy is obvs very smart
*wanders around stage aimlessly waiting for better directions*

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HOLY SHIT THERE ARE TWO FOURS! I HAVE OBVS GONE INSANE.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

It's the alien that nested in your knee, its toxins have spread to your brain

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Funny, I thought about seeing my doctor for the knee today when my mom told me about a man who died from knee cancer.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

That's not funny at all!! Now I feel bad for making alien toxen joke! Get yourself to a doctor chica!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Bah. x-rays.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

Xrays are important! They tell you if you are pregnant. Or have a bomb in you.
(too soon?)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

LOLOR5. NEVER TOO SOON.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

*whew*

[bethcarielle.livejournal.com]

BEST USER PROFILE EVAR!!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I AM SO PROUD.

[annemjw.livejournal.com]

Yaaaaaaaaaay, fic recs!

(Also: SPEWTERDUCKEN, FTW)

Love the user info. Post-its are my favourite ever :D

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Haaahahha post-its rule!

[annemjw.livejournal.com]

Have I shown you my wall? This is my wall:

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

YOUR WALL IS MADE OF AWESOME. COLOURFUL AWESOME.

[annemjw.livejournal.com]

Why thank you! Thought you might approve. I made it myself and all.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

IT'S LIKE A PACK OF POST ITS THREW UP ALL OVER YOUR WALLS. IT'S THE TECHNICOLOUR YAWN!

[annemjw.livejournal.com]

Plus it has inspirational advice!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HA.

[lorem_ipsum]

Re 1&2:

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT ME?

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

WE COULD BE INTERNET TWINS AND SHIT.