Chatting with Amand-r: Performance Art 101
Apr. 1st, 2009 11:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amand_rI was going to write something about Tianyu, since ths is the anniversary of, well, you know. But I find that I have nothing to say about it that hasn't been said, so instead, you can all see how I have been amusing myself as of late.
I think I need a Moonlight mini-marathon.
Amand-r: I wish I was a deeper person. Like, maybe I have hidden depths.
Arsenicjade: I'm pretty sure you have a few
Amand-r: Do you ever wish that?
Arsenicjade: a lot
Amand-r: How do the depths get hidden?
Arsenicjade: fuck if I know
Amand-r: I think it has something to do with Shake N Bake.
Arsenicjade: probably
Amand-r: Or maybe like a nautilus shell. Yeah. I just have to knock down a few walls and shit. Redecorate. Mental feng suei. Whatever. Or I could to the Timothy Leary thing and just take a SHITLOAD of drugs.
Arsenicjade: also a plan
Amand-r: That always works. Hey, you and I should do peyote again. I'll hold the vomit bucket.
Arsenicjade: uh...I've never done peyote and I haven't vomited since I was ten
Amand-r: But you have to promise this time that you won't leave me at the border with a fistful of Pesos, a shotgun, and a rubber duck.
Arsenicjade: oh, okay, I guess I can do that
Amand-r: Last time, I had to fight my way out of Juarez with Neil Patrick Harris, and I was TRIPPING BALLS. AND IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT. THEN WE WENT TO WHITE CASTLE.
Arsenicjade: oh, right, now I remember
Amand-r: SEE. It was all the peyote.
Arsenicjade: it was, you're right
Amand-r: It's much easier to agree with me, you know.
Arsenicjade: clearly I have realized that
Amand-r: Ah. Yes, well.
Arsenicjade: but it was kind of you to just put it forth like that
Amand-r: I have given this a modicum of thought and have concluded that we should NEVER SEE TRON.
Arsenicjade: okay. I agree
Amand-r: Like, I have never seen Top Gun, and I think at this juncture in my life, I am a more INTERESTING PERSON for never having seen it. Like I'm a sideshow attraction at parties. My mailperson just delivered my mail, and she is wearing a rain cape. A CAPE. LIKE SUPER....MAIL PERSON. Oh, and it's the hot guy with the dredlocks. Makes me want to be a civil servant.
Arsenicjade: well, I hear they have good benefits
Amand-r: and apparently, capes.
Arsenicjade: yeah, that's a new one on me, but hey, plus
Amand-r: The next time I see him wearing one, I'mma jump him and get the cape for you. You'd look sexay and cute in like...a USPS rain cape. We could do your hair up like a 1940's pinup, and dress you in red silk boykinis, and then take pictures and launch your soft core porn career.
Arsenicjade: excellent. I'll be waiting
Amand-r: SWEET. You know, your standard response to this type of stuff used to be "um, no". BUT I FEEL YOU HAVE GROWN.
Arsenicjade: I have come into my adulthood. Like a bat mitzvah, only with more pussy.
Amand-r: BEST LINE OF THE DAY. BEST BEST BEST. LOVES LOVES LOVES.
Amand-r: You know, the older we get, the less likely we are to find acceptable candidates for...like relationships or something. I don't really care about that myself. I bet I could get you a mail order husband. From like...Australia.
Arsenicjade: I doubt he'd be Jewish
Amand-r: Hrm. There are no Jews in Australia?
Arsenicjade: not a lot
Amand-r: Well, I guess after the Kangaroo riots of 1385, there wouldn't be.
Arsenicjade: yeah
Amand-r: Yesterday, I was texting X, you know, Mr. "I don't believe in Intellectual Property."
and he was like, "what are you doing this weeked?"
And I said, "Oh, I'm going to a convention in Boston."
and he was like, "what convention?"
and I said, "fandom, porn, slash."
and he was like "Interesting," and then, AND THEN.
(here's the punchline)
I said, "TOTES," and he did not know what that meant.
Arsenicjade: he....didn't know what TOTES meant?
Amand-r: I EXPLAINED IT, AND he said something about "new fangled slang."
Arsenicjade: WHAT?
Amand-r: YOU KNOW THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW INTERNET SLANG THAT I KNOW. REALLY.
Arsenicjade: ALSO, IT'S THE FIRST PART OF "TOTALLY"
Amand-r: LIKE....RALPH WALDO EMERSON'S ROTTING CORPSE KNOWS WHAT TOTES MEANS.
Arsenicjade: AND IT WAS USED CONTEXTUALLY. FOR TRUE
Amand-r: It also means a nifty handbag TBF.
Arsenicjade: well, sure but not in that context
Amand-r: IT WAS, HOWEVER, NOT PROTECTED BY INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS. THERE FORE.
You know, as a side bar, if I was a pirate, I would say, "THAR FORRRRRR."
Arsenicjade: you would. well, IP doesn't exist, you know
Amand-r: If I was an INTERNET PIRATE. I could go back in time and make...oh shit.
Amand-r: I HAD A HORRIBLE DREAM ABOUT CAPTAIN JACK.
Arsenicjade: would he not have sex with you, mandy?
Amand-r: NO, JACK WAS THREATENING TO SHOOT ME. SHOOT ME. And then I woke up because the babeh was lying on my chest and saying "up! up!"
Arsenicjade: maybe it was METAPHORICAL shooting, mandy
Amand-r: OH NO, THERE WAS A GUN. LEIK A REAL ONE. AND NOT HIS PEEN.
Emmy: water guns can look very real?
Amand-r: I SEE YOU ALL MOCKING ME. Well, I don't see any of you, but imagine you are all pointing and laughing.
Arsenicjade: I always mock you. But maybe he thinks of his gun as an EXTENSION OF HIS PEEN. I would imagine that for Jack, everything is an extension of his Peen
Amand-r: JACK: "THIS DUMPSTER IS AN EXTENSION OF MY PEEN."
Arsenicjade: YES
Emmy: how is a dumpster an extension of a peen???
Arsenicjade: b/c it's Captian Jack Harkness
Amand-r: I just picked something random.
Arsenicjade: I would have gone with a persimmon. But a dumpster worked too.
I think I need a Moonlight mini-marathon.
Amand-r: I wish I was a deeper person. Like, maybe I have hidden depths.
Arsenicjade: I'm pretty sure you have a few
Amand-r: Do you ever wish that?
Arsenicjade: a lot
Amand-r: How do the depths get hidden?
Arsenicjade: fuck if I know
Amand-r: I think it has something to do with Shake N Bake.
Arsenicjade: probably
Amand-r: Or maybe like a nautilus shell. Yeah. I just have to knock down a few walls and shit. Redecorate. Mental feng suei. Whatever. Or I could to the Timothy Leary thing and just take a SHITLOAD of drugs.
Arsenicjade: also a plan
Amand-r: That always works. Hey, you and I should do peyote again. I'll hold the vomit bucket.
Arsenicjade: uh...I've never done peyote and I haven't vomited since I was ten
Amand-r: But you have to promise this time that you won't leave me at the border with a fistful of Pesos, a shotgun, and a rubber duck.
Arsenicjade: oh, okay, I guess I can do that
Amand-r: Last time, I had to fight my way out of Juarez with Neil Patrick Harris, and I was TRIPPING BALLS. AND IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT. THEN WE WENT TO WHITE CASTLE.
Arsenicjade: oh, right, now I remember
Amand-r: SEE. It was all the peyote.
Arsenicjade: it was, you're right
Amand-r: It's much easier to agree with me, you know.
Arsenicjade: clearly I have realized that
Amand-r: Ah. Yes, well.
Arsenicjade: but it was kind of you to just put it forth like that
Amand-r: I have given this a modicum of thought and have concluded that we should NEVER SEE TRON.
Arsenicjade: okay. I agree
Amand-r: Like, I have never seen Top Gun, and I think at this juncture in my life, I am a more INTERESTING PERSON for never having seen it. Like I'm a sideshow attraction at parties. My mailperson just delivered my mail, and she is wearing a rain cape. A CAPE. LIKE SUPER....MAIL PERSON. Oh, and it's the hot guy with the dredlocks. Makes me want to be a civil servant.
Arsenicjade: well, I hear they have good benefits
Amand-r: and apparently, capes.
Arsenicjade: yeah, that's a new one on me, but hey, plus
Amand-r: The next time I see him wearing one, I'mma jump him and get the cape for you. You'd look sexay and cute in like...a USPS rain cape. We could do your hair up like a 1940's pinup, and dress you in red silk boykinis, and then take pictures and launch your soft core porn career.
Arsenicjade: excellent. I'll be waiting
Amand-r: SWEET. You know, your standard response to this type of stuff used to be "um, no". BUT I FEEL YOU HAVE GROWN.
Arsenicjade: I have come into my adulthood. Like a bat mitzvah, only with more pussy.
Amand-r: BEST LINE OF THE DAY. BEST BEST BEST. LOVES LOVES LOVES.
Amand-r: You know, the older we get, the less likely we are to find acceptable candidates for...like relationships or something. I don't really care about that myself. I bet I could get you a mail order husband. From like...Australia.
Arsenicjade: I doubt he'd be Jewish
Amand-r: Hrm. There are no Jews in Australia?
Arsenicjade: not a lot
Amand-r: Well, I guess after the Kangaroo riots of 1385, there wouldn't be.
Arsenicjade: yeah
Amand-r: Yesterday, I was texting X, you know, Mr. "I don't believe in Intellectual Property."
and he was like, "what are you doing this weeked?"
And I said, "Oh, I'm going to a convention in Boston."
and he was like, "what convention?"
and I said, "fandom, porn, slash."
and he was like "Interesting," and then, AND THEN.
(here's the punchline)
I said, "TOTES," and he did not know what that meant.
Arsenicjade: he....didn't know what TOTES meant?
Amand-r: I EXPLAINED IT, AND he said something about "new fangled slang."
Arsenicjade: WHAT?
Amand-r: YOU KNOW THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW INTERNET SLANG THAT I KNOW. REALLY.
Arsenicjade: ALSO, IT'S THE FIRST PART OF "TOTALLY"
Amand-r: LIKE....RALPH WALDO EMERSON'S ROTTING CORPSE KNOWS WHAT TOTES MEANS.
Arsenicjade: AND IT WAS USED CONTEXTUALLY. FOR TRUE
Amand-r: It also means a nifty handbag TBF.
Arsenicjade: well, sure but not in that context
Amand-r: IT WAS, HOWEVER, NOT PROTECTED BY INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS. THERE FORE.
You know, as a side bar, if I was a pirate, I would say, "THAR FORRRRRR."
Arsenicjade: you would. well, IP doesn't exist, you know
Amand-r: If I was an INTERNET PIRATE. I could go back in time and make...oh shit.
Amand-r: I HAD A HORRIBLE DREAM ABOUT CAPTAIN JACK.
Arsenicjade: would he not have sex with you, mandy?
Amand-r: NO, JACK WAS THREATENING TO SHOOT ME. SHOOT ME. And then I woke up because the babeh was lying on my chest and saying "up! up!"
Arsenicjade: maybe it was METAPHORICAL shooting, mandy
Amand-r: OH NO, THERE WAS A GUN. LEIK A REAL ONE. AND NOT HIS PEEN.
Emmy: water guns can look very real?
Amand-r: I SEE YOU ALL MOCKING ME. Well, I don't see any of you, but imagine you are all pointing and laughing.
Arsenicjade: I always mock you. But maybe he thinks of his gun as an EXTENSION OF HIS PEEN. I would imagine that for Jack, everything is an extension of his Peen
Amand-r: JACK: "THIS DUMPSTER IS AN EXTENSION OF MY PEEN."
Arsenicjade: YES
Emmy: how is a dumpster an extension of a peen???
Arsenicjade: b/c it's Captian Jack Harkness
Amand-r: I just picked something random.
Arsenicjade: I would have gone with a persimmon. But a dumpster worked too.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 04:30 am (UTC)Okay, I need a shirt that says that.
And a hat.
And possibly a cape.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 04:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 01:54 pm (UTC)You got Bat mitzvah in my pussy!
Urm ... is that even kosher?
no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 02:00 pm (UTC)I'm going to feminist hell or something.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 02:07 pm (UTC)Oh honey, you are SO already there!
no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 02:10 pm (UTC)DAMMIT.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 05:10 am (UTC)~
no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 05:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 01:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 05:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 05:53 am (UTC)DAMMIT. NOT ON THIS COMPUTER.
HERE. INSTEAD:
no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 03:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 06:08 pm (UTC)only with penis.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 06:10 pm (UTC)