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May. 22nd, 2005 09:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amand_rI saw III. You all know what I'm talking about, so shut up. It can be like our very own seeeekrit code.
The only way that we can possibly explain our view of things is through snippets of our conversation when watching IV, which we did the very next day.
Credits: STAR WARS CHAPTER IV A NEW HOPE
Amand-r and Tianyu: (cheerfully) War!
Leia: I'm a member of the Imperial senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan!
Amand-r: (doe eyes) The Chancellor would NEVER disband the Senate!
Amand-r: Look sir, droids!
Stromtrooper: Someone was in the pod.
Tianyu: Look sir, droids!
Stromtrooper: The tracks go off in that direction.
Amand-r: Look sir, droids!
Stromtrooper: Look sir, droids!
Both: YAY!
Leia: Help me Obi Wan Kenobi; you're our only hope.
Luke: Who's that?
Amand-r: Dude! It's my sister! The last time I saw her, she was bald!
Luke: He says he belongs to someone named Obi-Wan Kenobi. I wonder of he means old Ben…
Uncle Owen:…
Aunt Beru: (silent eye communication) It is time.
Soundtrack: Maaaaaaaaaa mzimbayaaaahhhh mamahiichi wahmo…(it'll make sense later)
Uncle Owen: Tomorrow morning, you go into Anchorhead and get those droids' memory wiped.
Tianyu: Again.
Amand-r: (indignant Jawa voice) What!?!
Luke: (whines about leaving early)
Uncle Owen: GODDAMMIT WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO KEEP YOU ON THIS PLANET? CUT OFF YOUR ARMS AND LEGS? AND SET YOU ON FIRE?!
Ben: (funny noises)
Sand People: (ZOMG run away)
Amand-r: Damn you kids! Get off my lawn! (cheap shot, but fun)
Ben: I don't seem to remember ever owning a droid.
Tianyu: You know right now he's thinking, "shut up shut up shut up!"
Amand-r: You'll blow my cover!
Luke: My father was a pilot on a spice freighter.
Amand-r: *sporfle*
Luke: How did my father die?
Tianyu: I cut off his arms and legs and set him on fire!
Ben: A young Jedi named Darth Vader—
Amand-r: --your dad—
Ben: --who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi.
Tianyu: Then I cut off his arms and legs and set him on fire!
Leia Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're our only hope.
Ben: (strokes beard thoughtfully)
Amand-r: (in her best Rafiki voice) It is time!
Tianyu: Cut it out.
Amand-r: Can't cut it out. It will grow right back.
Soundtrack: Maaaaaaaaaa mzimbayaaaahhhh mamahiichi wahmo…
Ben: I have something for you. He wanted you to have it when you were older.
Amand-r: I think we can all safely say that he did NOT want him to have that.
Ben: Your father's lightsaber.
Tianyu: I took it from your father after I cut off his arms and legs and set him on fire.
Amand-r: (doe eyes) The Chancellor would NEVER disband the Senate!
Grand Moff Tarkin: The Imperial Senate will no longer be of any concern to us.
Amand-r: Say it ain't so!
Tianyu: I never saw this coming! I feel betrayed!
Luke: I want to come with you to Alderaan. I want to learn the way of the Force and become a Jedi like my father.
Ben: That was easier than I thought.
MOS EISLEY
Ben: (fucks some shit up with his lightsaber)
Amand-r: I can't believe they didn't take out the blood. I mean, it's obvious that the lightsaber instantly cauterizes everything.
Tianyu: Yeah, I like when Dooku just looked at the burning embers of his wrists and was all like "HOLY SHIT!"
Amand-r: I have to admit that I didn't realize that Anakin's arms and legs were missing, just his arm. I was all like, "get up!" Then I saw him, and I realized, "Oh dude, you ain't going no where."
Tianyu: (sagely) Then he caught on fire.
Sadly, we got sucked into the film, and while we discussed several things, the mockery fell off until later.
Vader: I sense something…a presence I've not felt since…
If this film had been made now, the line would have read as: Woah.
Ben: Who's the more foolish, the fool—
Tianyu: OR THE FUCKING MORON!
Amand-r: Way to finish the axiom, baby.
Tarkin: Who? Kenobi? Here? Naaaah.
Vader: A tremor in the Force. The last time I felt it, I was in the presence of my old master.
Tianyu: Right before he cut your arms and legs off.
Amand-r: And the fire. Don't forget the fire.
Tarkin: The Jedi are extinguished—I mean, extinct. (snicker) Their fire—I mean light, has gone out of the universe. (snicker)
Vader: I do know how to use this lightsaber, you know.
C-3PO: All the excitement has overloaded the circuits on my counterpart here.
R2-D2: Speak for yourself; I used to do this shit all the time.
Vader: The last we met I was but the learner; now I am the master.
Ben: The last we met you were three feet shorter.
Vader: DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE FIRE!
Ben: Wah wah, just cut me half already. (is cut in half)
Inner-Anakin: (stomping on empty robe) Oh. Shit.
And for those of you who could care less about our exploits, our views
1. It's increasingly obvious that Bail Organa is the ball that got episode IV started. There was no way Kenobi would know when it was time to come back, and Organa was sending Leia to get that started. In light of that, Jimmy Smits kicks much ass. They should make another movie called Star Wars Episode III.V: Jimmy Smits Will Fuck Your Shit Up.
2. On Natalie Portman's dialogue, Tianyu says: "Look. I may be a self-centered patriarchal, cock-man-oppressor who's totally out of touch with the female psyche, but I can write better romantic dialogue than this. It's obvious to me that George has not spent more than 5 minutes talking to an actual woman on any serious emotional subject in his life. Christ, Portman...a Harvard education and a body to die for, and you couldn't point out to Lucas that your lines sucked? Maybe it's not your fault. Maybe you were forced. I thought I saw some bruises under your makeup. "
Amand-r: She was...forced?
Natalie: Uh George, I think you might want to rewrite some of this stuff.
George: No, I think it's fine.
Natalie: No really, the lines...when was the last time you spoke to a woman? It's obviously what we have thought was your wife all these years was actually a mop with some lipstick and a barrette.
George: (waves hand) Your lines don't need a rewrite.
Natalie: My lines don't need a rewrite.
George: Good girl. Now you run along. My mop --I mean, my wife-- has made cookies for you and Hayden.
Hayden: Oooh! Cookies!
3. BEST LINE EVAR: "Good relations with the Wookies I have." I don't even have to mock it; it's THAT good.
4. BEST SCENE EVAR: Anakin and Obi-Wan fight. They hit the controls.
Anakin: OMG what did we just do?
Obi-Wan: I don't know, I can't read Klingon!
Controls: Planet, off.
5. In the end, the main issue for us is the dialogue. The original film, for all that the dialogue wasn't much better, was better minutely, but what we missed the everyday talking, like those two stormtroopers bssing about the new whatever, etc. It isn't in this film, or in the last two. There isn't one line in this entire thing that isn't central to the plot. The romance dialogue, bad as it may be, is trying desperately to cement the emotions Lucas should have entrusted his actors to put into the scene. Instead, Lucas has to micro-manage his actors like he manages his effects—leaving nothing to human error. Instead, we see his human error all over the place. Blach.
But you know we loved it.
The only way that we can possibly explain our view of things is through snippets of our conversation when watching IV, which we did the very next day.
Credits: STAR WARS CHAPTER IV A NEW HOPE
Amand-r and Tianyu: (cheerfully) War!
Leia: I'm a member of the Imperial senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan!
Amand-r: (doe eyes) The Chancellor would NEVER disband the Senate!
Amand-r: Look sir, droids!
Stromtrooper: Someone was in the pod.
Tianyu: Look sir, droids!
Stromtrooper: The tracks go off in that direction.
Amand-r: Look sir, droids!
Stromtrooper: Look sir, droids!
Both: YAY!
Leia: Help me Obi Wan Kenobi; you're our only hope.
Luke: Who's that?
Amand-r: Dude! It's my sister! The last time I saw her, she was bald!
Luke: He says he belongs to someone named Obi-Wan Kenobi. I wonder of he means old Ben…
Uncle Owen:…
Aunt Beru: (silent eye communication) It is time.
Soundtrack: Maaaaaaaaaa mzimbayaaaahhhh mamahiichi wahmo…(it'll make sense later)
Uncle Owen: Tomorrow morning, you go into Anchorhead and get those droids' memory wiped.
Tianyu: Again.
Amand-r: (indignant Jawa voice) What!?!
Luke: (whines about leaving early)
Uncle Owen: GODDAMMIT WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO KEEP YOU ON THIS PLANET? CUT OFF YOUR ARMS AND LEGS? AND SET YOU ON FIRE?!
Ben: (funny noises)
Sand People: (ZOMG run away)
Amand-r: Damn you kids! Get off my lawn! (cheap shot, but fun)
Ben: I don't seem to remember ever owning a droid.
Tianyu: You know right now he's thinking, "shut up shut up shut up!"
Amand-r: You'll blow my cover!
Luke: My father was a pilot on a spice freighter.
Amand-r: *sporfle*
Luke: How did my father die?
Tianyu: I cut off his arms and legs and set him on fire!
Ben: A young Jedi named Darth Vader—
Amand-r: --your dad—
Ben: --who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi.
Tianyu: Then I cut off his arms and legs and set him on fire!
Leia Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're our only hope.
Ben: (strokes beard thoughtfully)
Amand-r: (in her best Rafiki voice) It is time!
Tianyu: Cut it out.
Amand-r: Can't cut it out. It will grow right back.
Soundtrack: Maaaaaaaaaa mzimbayaaaahhhh mamahiichi wahmo…
Ben: I have something for you. He wanted you to have it when you were older.
Amand-r: I think we can all safely say that he did NOT want him to have that.
Ben: Your father's lightsaber.
Tianyu: I took it from your father after I cut off his arms and legs and set him on fire.
Amand-r: (doe eyes) The Chancellor would NEVER disband the Senate!
Grand Moff Tarkin: The Imperial Senate will no longer be of any concern to us.
Amand-r: Say it ain't so!
Tianyu: I never saw this coming! I feel betrayed!
Luke: I want to come with you to Alderaan. I want to learn the way of the Force and become a Jedi like my father.
Ben: That was easier than I thought.
MOS EISLEY
Ben: (fucks some shit up with his lightsaber)
Amand-r: I can't believe they didn't take out the blood. I mean, it's obvious that the lightsaber instantly cauterizes everything.
Tianyu: Yeah, I like when Dooku just looked at the burning embers of his wrists and was all like "HOLY SHIT!"
Amand-r: I have to admit that I didn't realize that Anakin's arms and legs were missing, just his arm. I was all like, "get up!" Then I saw him, and I realized, "Oh dude, you ain't going no where."
Tianyu: (sagely) Then he caught on fire.
Sadly, we got sucked into the film, and while we discussed several things, the mockery fell off until later.
Vader: I sense something…a presence I've not felt since…
If this film had been made now, the line would have read as: Woah.
Ben: Who's the more foolish, the fool—
Tianyu: OR THE FUCKING MORON!
Amand-r: Way to finish the axiom, baby.
Tarkin: Who? Kenobi? Here? Naaaah.
Vader: A tremor in the Force. The last time I felt it, I was in the presence of my old master.
Tianyu: Right before he cut your arms and legs off.
Amand-r: And the fire. Don't forget the fire.
Tarkin: The Jedi are extinguished—I mean, extinct. (snicker) Their fire—I mean light, has gone out of the universe. (snicker)
Vader: I do know how to use this lightsaber, you know.
C-3PO: All the excitement has overloaded the circuits on my counterpart here.
R2-D2: Speak for yourself; I used to do this shit all the time.
Vader: The last we met I was but the learner; now I am the master.
Ben: The last we met you were three feet shorter.
Vader: DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE FIRE!
Ben: Wah wah, just cut me half already. (is cut in half)
Inner-Anakin: (stomping on empty robe) Oh. Shit.
And for those of you who could care less about our exploits, our views
1. It's increasingly obvious that Bail Organa is the ball that got episode IV started. There was no way Kenobi would know when it was time to come back, and Organa was sending Leia to get that started. In light of that, Jimmy Smits kicks much ass. They should make another movie called Star Wars Episode III.V: Jimmy Smits Will Fuck Your Shit Up.
2. On Natalie Portman's dialogue, Tianyu says: "Look. I may be a self-centered patriarchal, cock-man-oppressor who's totally out of touch with the female psyche, but I can write better romantic dialogue than this. It's obvious to me that George has not spent more than 5 minutes talking to an actual woman on any serious emotional subject in his life. Christ, Portman...a Harvard education and a body to die for, and you couldn't point out to Lucas that your lines sucked? Maybe it's not your fault. Maybe you were forced. I thought I saw some bruises under your makeup. "
Amand-r: She was...forced?
Natalie: Uh George, I think you might want to rewrite some of this stuff.
George: No, I think it's fine.
Natalie: No really, the lines...when was the last time you spoke to a woman? It's obviously what we have thought was your wife all these years was actually a mop with some lipstick and a barrette.
George: (waves hand) Your lines don't need a rewrite.
Natalie: My lines don't need a rewrite.
George: Good girl. Now you run along. My mop --I mean, my wife-- has made cookies for you and Hayden.
Hayden: Oooh! Cookies!
3. BEST LINE EVAR: "Good relations with the Wookies I have." I don't even have to mock it; it's THAT good.
4. BEST SCENE EVAR: Anakin and Obi-Wan fight. They hit the controls.
Anakin: OMG what did we just do?
Obi-Wan: I don't know, I can't read Klingon!
Controls: Planet, off.
5. In the end, the main issue for us is the dialogue. The original film, for all that the dialogue wasn't much better, was better minutely, but what we missed the everyday talking, like those two stormtroopers bssing about the new whatever, etc. It isn't in this film, or in the last two. There isn't one line in this entire thing that isn't central to the plot. The romance dialogue, bad as it may be, is trying desperately to cement the emotions Lucas should have entrusted his actors to put into the scene. Instead, Lucas has to micro-manage his actors like he manages his effects—leaving nothing to human error. Instead, we see his human error all over the place. Blach.
But you know we loved it.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
klingon...teehee
Date: 2005-05-23 03:06 am (UTC)Re: klingon...teehee
Date: 2005-05-23 03:08 am (UTC)Re: klingon...teehee
Date: 2005-05-23 03:39 am (UTC)Then againI cuddle Star Trek like a long lost teddy bear, dusty, and lost somewhere in the depths of my closet, so maybe I can't be objective when it comes to voting on how bad their movies really are :)
Re: klingon...teehee
Date: 2005-05-23 03:41 am (UTC)Re: klingon...teehee
Date: 2005-05-23 03:50 am (UTC)Re: klingon...teehee
Date: 2005-05-23 01:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 04:10 am (UTC)- Mark Hammil
no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 01:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 02:54 pm (UTC)The problem with lucas is he directs his actors as if they were digitally-created puppets. so in a way, they are all acting the way he acts: badly. fortunately, there are some really good actors in 1-3 who are capable of making bad directing/writing look good.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 04:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 04:57 pm (UTC)Good actors with good directors can make bad writing seem good.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 06:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 06:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 11:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 01:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 01:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 05:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 01:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 07:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 04:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 05:08 am (UTC)Ha! I totally recognized that! Go me!
(well, you know, *i'm* impressed)
Simbahhh!
no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 01:44 pm (UTC)Vader: Luuuuke, remember whoooooo you are....
Luke: Uhm, yeah.
Vader: No, wait, Luuuke, turn to the daaaaark side....
no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 06:54 pm (UTC)Han Solo: Ooooooooohhhh *shiver* Hey, do it again!
Chewbacca: {{{Darth Vader!}}}
Han: OoooooOooohhhh!
Chewbacca: {{{DarthVaderDarthVaderDarthVader!}}}
Han: OooooOoooooOoooOOooohhhh *ROF*
no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 05:28 am (UTC)Except when Yoda tells Obi-Wan that Qui-Gon will be "communing with him" in the desert. That's central to VALIDATING MY PAIRING THANK YOU GEORGE!!! :-)
no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 01:48 pm (UTC)