they're cute so you don't sell them.

[amand_r]

There's no way to describe it to non-parents, but when you're rocking your sick kid at 2 am, and she sits back in your lap to tell you something and promptly vomits all over you and herself, all the "ewwwww" that you get when contemplating the scenario as a childfree person sort of disappears in a zenlike series of actions. It's true isn't it? You just get them to the bathroom as quickly as possible, strip and wash, and reclothe. There isn't any time to stop and think, "Oh god that's disgusting."

Now that it's over, oh god, it smelled like rotten cheese.

Earlier in a day in the life of a kidlet:

Me: Are you wet?
Kidlet: No.
Me: Are you dry?
Kidlet: No.
Me: It seems we have a case of Schrodinger's pull-up.
Kidlet: (gravely) Yes.

Me: (showing her the letter G) What's this?
Kidlet: G.
Me: What starts with G?
Kidlet: …?
Me: Are you a baby?
Kidlet: No.
Me: Are you a little boy?
Kidlet: No.
Me: Right! You are a little…?
Kidlet: (thinks) Camel.
Me: Uhm. Okay.

Okay, so sivatheminty sent me this vid in an email back in February, with the title, "Ode to Duncan", and if you are a HL fan you'll get why, but omg I laughed so hard, especially when I got to "lol @ dude on fire".

Comments

[annemjw.livejournal.com]

A camel retains liquids a little more sensibly than she does though, it seems :)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

IKR?!!?

[adina-atl.livejournal.com]

Kidlet seems to have issues with binary choices. *grin* (Hey, I can sympathize, a good portion of my working life revolves around trinary logic, aka three-value logic. For real.)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Dude she's three. I think that's her default when she doesn't understand. Or when she doesn't give a damn anyway.

[mtgat]

I totally agree with the title of this post.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HAAAHAHAHAH.

[brilliant-snark.livejournal.com]

zenlike series of actions
IKR??? You just go into this automatic routine. And then later think back on it all and THEN go "Ew".

CAMEL!

Oh god, I love that Beaker vid!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I loled so hard at that vid. It was JUST what I needed after the Night of the Chunder.

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

Oh, god I'm so glad Trina's out of the projectile vomit portion of her life. Now, I can tell her to go puke in the toilet.

lol. But you're right...it's so true. There's no time to sit around and contemplate just how fucking gross kids can be.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

In fact, I found myself standing there after I'd tucked her back in, stroking her hair and talking to her, and I realised that for 4 am I was downright benevolent, more than I normally am. Apparently your kid being sick overrides sensors in your brain.

[easilymused1956.livejournal.com]

Hope Vi is feeling better. And you too. So, she's a camel. At least that's a mammal.

I laughed at the vid the second I recognized 'Dust In the Wind.' Which I will forever think of as 'that sad 'Highlander' song.'

Renee

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

OMG IT IS THE SAD HIGHLANDER SONG. SADDER THAN BONNY PORTMORE.

Dana Woods and I always said that one day we would fisit the highlands of Scotland and stand on a cliff edge, with that song playing on our Walkmans. WALKMANS. so effing old.

I think she's better. she's eating toast. I haven't got it back yet, so that's a good sign.

[wynkat1313.livejournal.com]

yes to the vomit
oh my gods your kidlet is adorable
oh my gods Beaker!!!
:)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

\o/

Loving that icon.

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

oh hell yes, re: the kid-vomit-thing. been there myself.
I hope she's feeling better (isn't it weird and frankly miraculous how kids can do that, go from pukey to totally fine in frequently less than 24h? mine does anyway. it's weird. no adult can do this. it's clearly kid-magic.)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

hONEST TO GOD, THE WORST PART IS WHEN THEY DO IT RIGHT BEFORE THE PUKE.

She's sitting in my lap, talking to me about how when we get upp in the morning we're going to watch the muppet show and then BLEAUGH--Linda Blair.

She seems to be "fine" now, but I'm slowly administering fluids. you knoe.

[neifile7.livejournal.com]

Your post icon is just. Totally.

Hope that the Zen fluid-spooning eventually reaches a beakerful, so that you and Vi can sleep.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Haahahah. I'M STILL IN JAMMIES.

I made that icon when I was pregnant. LOL

I think I want a shower. My eyes burn.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

Gamel!

Aww, poor baby. And the baby, too.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

CAMEL.

Like really. ::eyeroll::

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

you're right! i don't know how parents do it - i have much respect for my mom b/c she dealt with A LOT of vomit (eta: and crying and broken arms and ER trips and near-kid-deaths)

that vid is the best thing ever!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I LOLED.

[pattyfeidt.livejournal.com]

mine were great with the projectile vomiting...looked like mini volcanoes...but like you I just cleaned the mess and carried on...no ewwwees till later when the smell from what I missed hit me.

Love the vid cracked me up and I needed it.

your kidlet is adorable and I love her logic =)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Haahahah yeah, I have all our clothes bundled up in a lump upstairs. I might just dump them in the wash whilst holding my breath.

[bethcarielle.livejournal.com]

a zenlike series of actions.

Totes. It's like the ew section of your brain is busy being distracted by something else. Until later when you're showering and you scrub a little harder because the not quite potty-trained toddler in your care poo'ed on you that day.

Vi will make a beautiful camel.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Her fur will bring a fine price!

[alba17.livejournal.com]

There isn't any time to stop and think, "Oh god that's disgusting." Er, I disagree. LOL My son still can't get to the bathroom in time and he's 9. He always throws up all over his bed and floor. *sigh*

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Good times, good times...

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Oh yes! Kid vomit! Last time Quince Vesuvius errupted, I honestly just threw out all of his bedding.

I DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH TO PICK CHUNKS OUT OF THE LAUNDRY!

And Camel? LMAO!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Oh god, now I'm wondering if I have to...shake out her laundry. Oh god.

Thanks, Trip.

[amonitrate.livejournal.com]

dude, i read the camel story out loud to my roommate and she lost a lung laughing.

CAMEL!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I was not expecting it. Total non sequitor.

[huesiemama.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. Have I been there. Except for the camel. But the graveness of answers that dissolve me into a pile of laughter(sometimes internalized to avoid hurt feelings)...

But the stomach issues make me glad for many bath towels and in home washer and dryer. And bleach.

Give that kidlet a squeeze for me.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, yeah, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a washer and dryer! Geez, I can't imagine having a kid and not having access to them whenever I wanted!

[sivatheminty.livejournal.com]

I try to send you the shiniest of gems from the interwebz :)

In my house we had a designated vomit bowl, and in most cases we made it to that or the toilet. Once I was babysitting and the 3 (or 4) year old was sick, but was still able to play. So we started playing some sort of board game, and after trying to explain things to her much younger brother I was surprised to turn around and find her quietly throwing up into her bucket. So quiet and polite...I can only hope my kid has talent like that.

As far as disgusting things go, I find myself yelling for help from Steve and then realize that there's honestly nothing he can do that would help. It's mostly that I want to see the terrible thing that is happening.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

That's right! making the other one watch the gross stuff your kid does is just another version of, "This is nasty, taste it" and "This smells bad. Here smell it." and those are covered in wedding vows, I am pretty sure.

[arsenicjade.livejournal.com]

Well, at least she's got the part where she'll grow into her humps correct.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

GOD DAMMIT. WHY MUST YOU REFERENCE THE BLACK EYED PEAS. I JUST GOT "IMMA BE" OUT OF MY HEAD.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

*laughs uproariously at wisdom of kidlet*

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

SCHRODINGER'S DIAPER IS NEITHER WET NOR DRY, AND ALSO IT IS WET AND DRY.

Would that all tales from my house were as dromedary.

[lastrega.livejournal.com]

Time was that we couldn't have a major holiday here without Ben tossing his cookies over everything in a 6 foot radius. The kid was a chucker. Fortunately, they grow out of it or at least learn to take themselves to the loo to throw up.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I was going to say that twenty-something guys tend to still have that chuck thing going on, but it tends to almost always be alcohol related.

Except for that "drink a gallon of milk in less than an hour" thing. ::shudder.