confessions of a non/fannish mind

[amand_r]

MANY MANY THINGS BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN REMISS:

NON-FANNISH SHIT:

1. Three weeks ago, my landlords reseeded my lawn and then spread a layer of horse shit across it. a layer of horse shit so thick that I wondered what the lawn had done. I made form jokes about the prevaricating nature of the lawn.

Me: My lawn is full of horse shit.
Them: Why? What did it say?
Me: OH HA HA HA DIAF.

It smelled REALLY BAD. But now my lawn is a lush valley of grass (and horse shit), so I guess I can switch from the small jokes and just ask, HOW GREEN WAS MY VALLEY, BITCHES?

2. I weigh 155 pounds, which isn't good for someone my height, but I'm working on it, people. I wear size 12 jeans. So this weekend I tried on a bunch of skirts I got as hand me downs from my cousin (with the tags still on! Woot!). They were all size 14. NONE OF THEM FIT. They were all from The Limited, The Gap and Express. Then I realised that this week should be shark week. Still it was not good for the self-esteem, especially since I was trying them on to wear to La Cage. I suppose I shall have to buy a skirt, or pray that they fit later, or eat celery for a few weeks or be relegated to trousers or something. Le sigh.

3. SPEAKING OF THE TRIP, I had planned to take a suitcase, which I would leave at my gracious host's and cart my hiking pack about. I haven't seen the hiking pack in ages. I tore apart the house looking for it, opened a few of Tianyu's basement boxes (that was nerve wracking), and no avail. When I was at the rents I mentioned that I had found the backpack portion, but not the hiking pack. My dad disappeared downstairs and reappeared with the hiking pack. Apparently I'd left it there when I'd moved out. Good news is that it's much larger than I remembered it being so I feel that my packing woes will be comfited(WC). Because I have gifts to unload on people at Hub (AND THEY ARE GIFTS FOR WHICH I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE, PEOPLE), and I was worried that I'd have to forgo some of my things to get them in there. But that is no longer an issue. Yays!

4. I found the Swiss Army pocketwatch that I gave Tianyu for our 1 year wedding anniversary. I am aware that it's bad luck to give a watch (oh ha ha), but he had wanted one, because he never wore a watch. The battery is dead, but I shall take it to the jeweler's to have that replaced. I just can't seem to stop carrying it around.

FANNISH SHIT:

1. OMNIJAXUAL: I am thinking that I need to post soon about things being due on the 19th onward. What I would also like to say is that we are posting an anon thread in case there are hesitant people who WOULD write Jack/animorphs if only they didn't have to say that it was them. Does that work? Do you think there's call for that? I'd like to announce that soon if I need to, because even anons need write-time.

2. TOUCHYERWOOD: touchyerwood has got off to a great start! THERE'S FUCKING MACHINE FIC ALREADY. Go over and take a gander!

3. POLY: The poly is done and being edited. It will go live when I am in London, getting pretty to Mister Barrowman.

4. WIAD is over. Le sigh> But! Congrats to copperbadge for winning! And to kalichan and cruentum for delivering what I thought was some of their best work! Really, I couldn't have done it every week—turn out a story like that.

Well…

That leads me to a confession. I am a sock. I opened the sock account to write WIAD stories, because I liked the anonymity, and to post some TW poetry, which is fairly hit and miss. I did manage to write for every challenge, except the body swap, which I admit I have my own WIPpy reasons for being burnt out on, and the final challenge, but in my defense, I was kind of done with it by then.

Originally I started posting that shit over there because it was darker than anything I'd done to that date, but then I posted the scat and the autopsy, and the sock doesn't seem useful anymore. So:

epithetta

A bunch of people knew, obvs my betas knew, and some people I told along the way, because I can never keep secrets about myself. Then I got recced on TWH, and that was completely inadvertent, and I started to feel worse about it. Plus, I think some of the fics over there are worth reading, and I think they might get more play if I posted links to them here. It's sad but true, that if I had posted them under my name they might have gotten more play. Or maybe not. Who knows?

What I learned? I learned that I'm not afraid to post anything under my own name anymore. I'll post my kinkmeme porn anon, because that's the name of the game, but I'm not afraid of sensitive material and crazy kink. I'm not afraid of suicide or scat or murder or even shitty poetry. I was saying that to someone the other day who was expressing anxiety about posting TW poetry, because fanpoetry is hard, and if you are reading this girl, I'll post my next fanpoem, if you post yours (and even if you don't).

5. IN GENERAL—PEOPLE WHO ROCK, these days (I could only pick ten. There are more of you, I swear. I'll get to you soon) :

curriejean for her awesome vids
blue_fjords for betaing and sending me emails and telling me about her day, even when she's feeling crappy.
smirnoffmule Because.
cruentum for being my Twitter perv.
alba17 for grace under fire and for opening reel_torchwood
paragraphs for being possibly one of the nicest and most enthusiastic people I have ever bet. She is open and positive even when she's being critical.
51stcenturyfox for having her fingers in every pie. Sexily.
phaetonschariot Oh YOU. ♥
joanwilder for being an all around awesome friend, team captain and mum
arsenicjade for everything.

6. Team Snitch won the gold in the Snarry Games! Check out mah pimptastic medal macro:

Comments

[topgeargirl2.livejournal.com]

I'm enjoying your body swap story at the moment.

I always lose confidence when it comes to writing, for some reason I'm more proud about my darker fics than my fluffy lighter ones.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I think darkfic is easier to write, too, I like everything anyway, ao it's stupid to be ashamed or nervous about it.

[blue-fjords.livejournal.com]

THANK GOD there is room in your suitcase!!! I love how you're backing away from the actual content of said gifts now. Ha! Dude, there's so much to reply to in your post, but Piper's giving me the "take me out now or deal w/ the consequences" look, so I must skedaddle. Congrats on the gold! And huggles to you!

[blue-fjords.livejournal.com]

Okay, about the skirt sizes: I wear 10s and 12s for pants, but skirts are near impossible to find at a good fit! They are completely arbitrary. Case in point: I have a size 8 and a size 14, and both are tight in the exact same way. There are tons of size 14 skirts I've tried on that don't fit and it makes me v. sad panda b/c I fucking love skirts. I've had to go w/ a lot of generic "Large" size, and even then, some have to be "Medium" or else they fall off, or "XL" or else they have unsightly bulges and I can't breathe. Don't get me started on the impossibility of finding a dress!! One last note: do you spanx? Some outfits scream out for the spanx.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

WHAT THE HELL IS SPANX, BLEU? BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS SEXY, BUT LIKE SOMETHING THAT INVOLVES SPANDEX.

Yeah, I have tonnes of skirts in varying sizes, but these were NICE ones, and not my normal raggedy hippie peasant thing.

I will solve this issue if it kills me.

[blue-fjords.livejournal.com]

Spanx = smoothing undergarment thing. As Bridget Jones would say (paraphrasing here), the odds of reaching crucial moment greatly increase when one wears spanx. But then you totes don't want to be at crucial moment and have the spanx revealed. I wear them w/ dresses to make it look like I do not, in fact, have a muffin top/spare tire/what have you. They also make your ass look tight. But it's all a facade! A facade I'm okay w/!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I cannot wear the spank. I would lol too much. Plus I want to get laid by anon strangers, and the spanx will inhibit that.

shut up. I can dream.

[cruentum.livejournal.com]

JB would be able to relate!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Le sigh, N. Le sigh.

[cruentum.livejournal.com]

Le spahkle!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

If only spanx came in sexy sparkle colours!

[snaxcident.livejournal.com]

AMANDR - SPANX are BOSS

http://www.spanx.com/home/index.jsp

They magically smooth everything. It's magic.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I have this horrible image of ACJ buying Spank for Ianto because the thought they were for something completely different.

And Ianto-Sam's horrified face as he opens the glittery gift box.

[snaxcident.livejournal.com]

SPANX, AMANDR. Get the BRAND RIGHT.

SPANX!

And Ianto's horrified little face when he sees his prezzie would have to merge into one of those "Oh I love it!" fake smiles you do at Xmas.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I made the same mistake Jack did, lol.

I MAKE THAT FACE ALL THE TIME. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT IS.

Srsly, though, do people wear this stuff successfully? Because all those models look like they're think enough already. when you're fat, like me, that shit just rolls up. Or down.

[snaxcident.livejournal.com]

Their web site shows skinny models - which makes NO SENSE! Spanx totally works, that's why Oprah herself wears them!

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/living/2004280099_spanxtester16.html

"I really couldn't breathe comfortably when I had this one in place."

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

"Kept slipping down during the day. By the end of the day, the top band would be around my waist."

[snaxcident.livejournal.com]

Back fat is unsightly. Make sure the top of the undergarment reaches the bottom of your bra. Try not to wear Spanx with anything that's too body-skimming in the back.

So many rules! It's like a deep space suit!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

A review from Sting: "When I wear it, I keep forgetting to hook up the part that recycles my bodily waste, like those Dune suits. Then I get pee everywhere!"

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

I had no idea that giving a watch was bad luck. Would giving a clock be even BADDER (sic) luck?

And what about Big Ben? I MUST KNOW ABOUT BIG BEN!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I think it's an asian thing, and it involves clocks too. It means you're counting the days (minutes? seconds) until they die.

Basically you are saying "I wish you would die".

BIG BEN IS LIKE, TELLING A WHOLE COUNTRY YOU WISH THEY WOULD DIE!

[alba17.livejournal.com]

Oh thanks, bb! And you're epithetta! I kind of failed at reading/voting WIAD, but I did read and enjoy some your pieces under that name. Thanks for re-starting the kinkmeme - I didn't even know about such things before, cool idea.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

LOL yeah, and you are awesome. So is your icon! rowr!

The kink meme is already making my eye twitch.

[neifile7.livejournal.com]

I loved the epithetta fic -- almost every round I'd have put it at or near the top, as stacked up against the official entrants. And I'd say yeah, post whatever the hell you want. The Amand-r Brand-r is a multifarious and wondrous thing. Accept no substitutes. :)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Yeah. If I had made it past one with that shit drabble, I'm...I would have got booted for subject material. But if I had been in the actual competition, I wouldn't have written that subject material, and that would have made me a sad sell out.

[neifile7.livejournal.com]

Nahhhh. Amand-r Brand-r cannot be sold out! (Not found in stores, only in select sites of yr friendly local netz!!) Still, glad it was liberating to do things outside the official box, and it was great, great stuff. (I don't think the drabble was shit, just not yr best of that lot.)

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Le sigh. Thanks for the faith, man.

[sthayashi.livejournal.com]

Wait that hiking pack was yours? I coulda sworn I'd seen Tianyu with it, back when we were in college. Or did he have one that was different from yours? As I recall it was like a regular backpack that zippered onto something much bigger. He used to carry his Dag stuff in the big one and his regular school supplies in the smaller.

Glad the lawn is green again instead of brown horse shit. Does it still smell or has that subsided?

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

No dude it was his. But as we all know, now it is mine.

The lawn stopped smelling last week. You can still SEE the horse shit. In the grass. Like Charlie (horse), up in the trees.

[sthayashi.livejournal.com]

One other thing. The wifely person just informed me that The Limited and Express tend to run small for their size number compared to other brands (or they did years ago, back when she still shopped at places like that).

Personally, I think that a number that has no conversion for size is a silly way of measuring clothing, but alas what can you do? They don't make skirts for men (at least not the kind you're probably looking for, or if it is, it ain't cheap).

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

STEVE, YOU NEED A UTILIKILT.

[smirnoffmule.livejournal.com]

&hearts

Does that look like a heart to you? To me, it just says &hearts. I think that has its own charm, though.

I am so enjoying touchyerwood, it is doing awesome things. And I want someone to do my prompt, though I'm not telling anyone what that prompt is.

Also, the sock thing - I can totally see why this is tempting, and I have been/am tempted to do similar myself, though that would involve actually writing something. Right now, I'm pretty safe unless people are squicked by blank pages. Also, I love your fic like burning, especially the darker stuff.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

ampersand hearts semicolon, baby.

Thank you, sweetness and light, and I appreciate it.

And you are welcome.

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

Oooh, sock means unexpected new fic! And it's sorta dark? Yay.

I think The Limited sizes small.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I think they do too. Because they suck.

[curriejean.livejournal.com]

Oh baby yeah! Top of the list! Hearts to you, darling.

AND YET, I don't want to be known for vids. Must do more writing. Question about the touchyerwood - does it close? Or do we keep going until everyone's covered in bodily fluids and traffic basically staggers off?

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

TOUCHYERWOOD NEVER CLOSES.

[curriejean.livejournal.com]

Yay!

I'm considering being anon on the meme and then posting a cluster of ficsnippets to my LJ once I'm spent.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

That is compleyely fair. I did that on the Dr. Who one.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

I will probably do that too. I started writing to another prompt and it's FREAKING LONG NOW.

There are some damned good prompts up!


Thank you for saying we're awesome, amand_r! XOXOXOXOXO!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO ARE AWESOME. I DID THE ONES THAT I THOUGHT OF AS I WAS SITTING THERE BASKING IN POST RPS AFTERGLOW.

[arsenicjade.livejournal.com]

I wish November were here. I want to ogle you. Also, hold your hand. Y'know. These things.

But have a super time. I'll be missing you.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

LOL NOVEMBER.

Do you know when you'll be in? Friday after T-day is out, as that is the official Chinghaus dinner.

[arsenicjade.livejournal.com]

Probably Sat or Sunday pre-Tgiving, as I'm pretty sure I have that week off.