amand_r | T'Porn is my vulcan name

While stranded on the plane on the tarmac on Sunday night, Twitter peeps kept me from cutting a bitch. Srsly, we sat ion the runway from 7:45 til 11:15. Anyway.

paragraphs said I should write twitter porn. So I did.

Here's what I learnt:

1. 140 characters is frustratingly small.
2. Even with a qwerty keyboard, proper punctuation and capitalisation are a pain in the ass.
3. It's very very easy to just lose your train of thought, especially when messages keep popping up as you type. This started as funny, got serious for three lines, then got kinky, then ended with silly, as I just ran out of steam. But I LOLed.
4. It's interesting to see the timestamps. The longer the lull, the more likely that I was running out of a next sentence and just picked up somewhere else. Haahah At one point I had completely forgot the prior sentence and what they were doing.

TWITTER FIC TITLE: Torchwood and the Omnisexifical Jizzmatasm. by Amand-r (on a plane)

Ianto was already late to work when Jack attached him in the shower like one of those monkeys that humps the cars during a safari tour. 9:54

"Oi! We're late," he grumbled, extricating himself gruffly and turning away firmly and with lots of adverbs. Mustn't forget the adverbs. 9:56

Jack bit his shoulder and reached around to work Ianto's cock like he was playing Spy Hunter on Janet's Commodore 64. 9:59

Ianto figured that he only had to pretend to be disgruntled for about thirty more seconds and then he would earn himself bukakke rights. 10:00

Ianto was right. 10:01

Later that day, while filing something that Owen had thrown at him and said, 'Oi, file this,' Jack surprised him in the archives. 10:03

At this point, Spider tweeted some CONCRIT.

"Oh, Ianto," Jack said nonchalantly, "I have something for you to file. In a special place. And under 140 characters. Also, hush Spider." 10:06

"What spiders?" Ianto asked, looking about in panic; he was afraid of spiders. "And do you really think I'll need 140 characters?" 10:08

Jack winked saucily. Tomato saucily. With some garlic bread. 10:09

Ianto dropped Owen's files and ran his hands from Jack's shoulders down the dividing swatches of his braces, fingers digging under the red. 10:11

"I suppose that we could drag orgasm out for at least three tweets," Jack murmured, his breath hitching with the proximity of Ianto's touch. 10:14

"I've totally forgotten what we were doing," Ianto said brightly, "but I'm sure it was something sexual." He licked the hollow of Jacks ear. 10:20

There was a cliched whisper of silk when Jack unknotted Ianto's tie, and the snap of a leather belt slapped along the cement vault walls. 10:23

There was something freeing in being soundly fucked in front of the CCTV camera, Ianto figured, as long as it was Jack's face on the screen. 10:25

Ianto turned Jack to face (of Boe) the open wooden file cabinet. the pushed the man forward as he closed the drawer, trapping Jack's cock. 10:30

"I should molest you while filing something more often," Jack half laughed, but his voice was strained. One of his hands strayed low. 10:33

Ianto restrained Jack's wandering hands in his own, clamping before smoothing them flat to the cabinet top. "None of that, now," he rasped. 10:36

"Just don't push forward or anything, okay?" Jack's one visible eye was glassy. "I kind of like that where it is." 10:38

Ianto smirked into the back of Jack's neck. "You sound sure I'm going to fuck you." Jack pressed back into him; he pulled away minutely. 10:41

With a wink to the CCTV camera, Jack wiggled his arse and sighed. "Years of experience?" 10:44

It was markedly infuriating, Ianto thought, that Jack was *right* about sex all the damn time, he thought as he slipped on a condom. 10:46

(He also thought the author was getting tired. Didn't her thumbs hurt yet?) 10:49

The first thrust arched Jack's spine and held him immobile as he warred between impossible writhing and pain. Ianto held Jack's hips fast. 10:53

Blah blah they simo cum. Kinkyboots sex. Ianto is dom. Jack licks his filing thimble. then they have pie. author wins janto fic award. 10:55

THE END. 10:56

Current Mood: sunglass'd
Current Location: MOM'S PRIVATE OFFICE. HA AHAHHHA.
Current Music: regina spektor, 'the calculator'