amand_r | the sexiest thing is trust-- i wake up to find the pirates have come

1. The kidlet and I have blown so many bubbles on the front porch that when it rains, there's lather.

2. Really, look at this—PEOPLE I HAVE REENACTED THE DEATH SCENE WITH:

lionessblack,

cruentum (AND I GOT TO BE IANTO),

smirnoffmule,

pogrebin,

mrsalemp. Have I missed anyone? GET IN LINE. I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL I HAVE CRIED OVER ALL OF YOU.

3.

That thing on my face? Cat tail.

4. Thisis what happens when jedi apprentices drink unattended. (h/t

amonitrate)

5. I got a postcard yesterday made of SHEEP POO PAPER. On the back, it read as follows: "JANET! I KNOW U CAN'T READ, LOL. THIS IS SOMETHING SPECIAL SMELL IT LOL. I WIN. HART PS: YOU KNOW I LET YOU OUT! I STILL WIN!"

Yes, it is official:

paragraphs and

cruentum are made of pure 100% win. Dry clean only, bitches. Do not steam.

6. Yesterday I made the kid her first cup of coffee. Before you go screaming, it was café au lait with sugar. Think Café du Monde. And she drank it with a Ho-Ho. You can scream about that part.

7. It's nice to see that I'm not the only one who thinks LIKE A BOSS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVAR.

8.

lionessvalenti, AKA SEXY MAMA and I have signed on for the TW BIG BANG. WE WILL TOTALLY ROCK YOUR SOCKS OFF once we deal with a huge plot issue that we might need outside help with.

8.

I WANT TO RUN AWAY AND JOIN THE CIRCUS:

Okay. I should start at the beginning. Firstly, the circus is called The Lewis and Clark Circus, and I have no idea what they have to do with Lewis or Clark, and I did not see Sacajawea whilst there, so don't ask. They claim to be a European Family style circus, and I don't know what that means, but the whole time I was there, I think in the back of my head I was ON THE LOOK OUT FOR THIS DUDE:

He did not show. You know what we did see? This:

Yeah. A DOUBLE FUCKING RAINBOW. AUSPICIOUS!

MY KID LOVED IT. And she hadn't even seen the llama yet.

They had a petting zoo! For those of you who don't kNow, I worked at Cedar Point's petting zoo for 2 years, so I FUCKING KNOW MY GOATS. (I even bought one after the summer was over. He was the BEST! GOAT! EVER!) CHECK THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PYGMY who just wanted to ride a donkey. Every time I was over there he did it, so that must be like HIS THING:

When I saw that, I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO BE FUCKING EPIC.

It was raining. The tigers did not come out (WTF? I thought they liked water?!) But your moms did! See below.

HAAAHAHAAAHAHAHA.

So, we were late because of the shuttle and choosing to walk and shit, so we missed the "goat act" but that was okay, because we got to see clowns and shit. Clowns, when they are far away, are not scary. I have no pics, because as you can already tell, I have this high tech camera andno idea how to use it. Everyone was so blurry! Anyway, they did lots of scripted panto anyway, and even the kid was bored. At one point, thoug, the clown tried to fight his straight man, and he did that crane thing from Katrate Kid. I was all, "HOLY SHIT CLOWN KARATE. IN THE CAR, OUT OF THE CAR, IN THE CAR, OUT OF THE CAR. HOW DOES ONE LEARN CLOWN KARATE? IS THIS SOMETHING I HAVE TO INVENT TOMORROW WHEN I'M DRUNK?"

The answer to that will be, "Yes, Amand-r. Show us FLYING FIST OF JUDAH." And I will, because there will be other people here to take pics and drive me to the hospital.

CAMEL FROM BEHIND!

Camel downing a bottle of Mountain Dew. Relax, I'm sure it's water. I imagine that they're not up for camel dentist bills.

OH HAI! I WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND, JOSE JOSE. Oh Jose, ILU. No peeps, that was his name: "Jose, Jose." AKA "The REMARKABLE JOSE," who balanced on a lot of things, but here's his "balance on a ton of shit wot would land me in the ER" routine, and which I think he flubs here, but he did it perfectly for us on the second try:

So that's the only vid here that wasn't from our performance, but I took my vid sideways. Because I am an idiot.

I will not tell you how I could write a sonnet ~~about his Easter bonnet~~ about this man and his ponytail! His smile! He was like…imagine Mario Lopez before he got scary. If he was hot. And a circus performer. And BUILT LIKE A BRICK SHITHOUSE.

BUT WHAT ELSE DID I SEE? LATER, "JOSE," CAME BACK AS "EL MANUEL, SULTAN OF THE SILK" AND DID THAT ACROBATIC THING WITH THE SILK STREAMERS, LIKE IN LA NOUBA. I tried to get video of this, or pictures, but he was too fast. You will have to trust that my future husband has a great ass. (On the way home in the shuttle, I remarked on how I liked him, and a mom in front of me turned around and was all, "Oh, YEEEEEAH. LAST MIGHT MY DAUGHTER SAW THE SHOW AND HE DIDN'T HAVE A SHIRT ON." AND THEN WE WEPT OPENLY.)

ALSO? They played Selina! "In My Room" Selina! The whole time they played it, I was like, "SELINAS! SELINAZZZZ." …I like Selina. Bite me.

ALSO HERE IS MY OTHER FUTURE HUSBAND, LUIS PACO, WHO BALANCED ON A TABLE ON 4 CHAIRS:

YES, BABY. ILU.

Now, I don't like jugglers, but this was a whole troupe of them, and I cannot even begin to explain how the music was like…Super Mario Brothers. It was like. Oh, I took you video:

And then, before I realised that they were related. I slashed them:

THEN THERE WAS HULA HOOP GIRL:

What I especially appreciated about all this? All the girls were REAL GIRLS, like not stick figures. These girls had muscle, and they were curvy, like ELIZABETH, THE FLYING GIRL:

Note that all my kid cares about is the fact that she's in a CIRCLE, where as I am like, I WILL HAVE YOUR TRAPESE BABIES. Another picture that shows Elizabeth on the ground (they were moving so quickly!) so that you can see her ROCKING CURVES:

Oh, so yeah, we were there for my kid. Tell me, baobei, did you like the circus?

LIKE A MUTHAFUCKING BOSS.

I…I liked the circus.

Current Mood: CLOWN-LIKE
Current Location: THE HIDDEN BUNKER
Current Music: tori amos, "jamaica inn"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

paragraphs.livejournal.com

Awesome pics, awesome vids, and I would look for that dude too.

Yay on the sheep poo paper! What made us laugh was where we found it--in the Welsh Cakes store. We went in there because Foxy wanted Welsh Cakes but we were more excited about the sheep poo paper.

I also bought some Welsh salt there. I wonder where Tiff put it because I can't find a damn thing in my kitchen anymore.

From:

amand-r.livejournal.com

OH EL MANUEL, SULTAN OF THE SILK, I AWAIT YOU.

Yeah, I LOLed so hard because in June when my mom came back from Wales, she had sheep poo paper too. Haahahaaa. NOT MY FIRST TIME. Also, that you found it in a cakes store is a little bit of brill right there.

Please tell me that Welsh salt is saltier than our salt. The bitter salty flavor of the tears of oppressed miners.

the sexiest thing is trust-- i wake up to find the pirates have come

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