(no subject)

THERE ARE SO MANY FUNNY THINGS IN THIS I COULD NOT COUNT THEM.

"DESPAIR!"

"ANGUISH!"

"HELP ME OBI WAN KENOBI. I EXIST, AND I FIND IT NAUSEATING."

"LUKE, I AM STILL DEAD."

REALLY, IS THERE ANYTHING BETTER THAN DARTH VADER SAYING "HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE."?

Remember that Monty Python Spam sketch?

It's not as fun to reenact as you might think.

Me: Okay, before you watch this, you must go upstairs and put underpants on under your nightgown.
Her: (doing splits and the like all over the carpet) I don't like underpants.
Me: I don't recall asking you.
Her: But I don't need them.
Me: Yeah, you do. Go and get some on.
Her: I don't like underpants.
Me: This does not bode well for your future. Anyway, you have two choices—go upstairs and put underpants on, or go upstairs and get dressed. Which…now that I think of it, also involves underpants.
Her: I don't want to wear underpants.
Me: Then you have a problem. Either get dressed or put underpants under your nightgown.
Her: I don't like underpants. I don't need them.
Me: Go upstairs and get underpants.
Her: Nah. I don’t want to wear them.
Me: Go.
Her: But--
Me: GO.
Her: (STOMPS UPSTAIRS, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN)

And now, Radio 4 will explode.

Last Spam of the Day

Detective Superintendent Peter Boyd: Aren't we just dealing with archaeology here?
Dr. Frankie Wharton: Whattaya mean?
Boyd: Somebody found a lot of old bones and poured concrete over them because they couldn't be bothered to deal with it.
Frankie: No, because there's liquefaction, and that sickly smell. No, that body was flesh and blood when it was put in there, concrete poured on the top. You will see that the flesh has turned into a sort of syrup. I mean, one sniff and you'll never want to eat another mince pie.
Boyd: ...Was it a male mince pie or a female mince pie?