a blatant misfiring of the local language

[amand_r]

1. mrsalemp rescued a set of Swainson's Hawks and named one of them Captain Jack Hawkness. It's pretty sweet, except that the second one, whom she almost named Ianto, died (he was pretty hurt when they rescued and turned him over,TBF), and now Jack apparently has West Nile Virus and refuses to eat. OH MY GOD THE PARALLELS (that I drew in my head in the manner of a crazy person who sees her own life in the three line horoscope in the paper). Patelyne has pics in her LJ, though, and bonus: THE VET CANNOT TELL WHETHER JACK IS A BOY OR GIRL. PART OF ME FINDS THAT HYSTERICAL. Pat, your story totes made my day.

2. kalichan asked for the post-it, so I made it. rm, I tried to put you in a suit. Also, smirnoffmule! WE ARE IMMORTALISED!



3. The kidlet and I are…we're having serious talks about chocolate milk, and how we cannot have it all the time. It's Ovaltine, not chocolate milk, BTW. I hate that shit like burning. Nastay. Anyway. It goes like this:

Mommy: Do you want a drink?
Viola: Scotch and soda.
Mommy: Think again.
Viola: Chocolate milk? (which is really just, "chocomilk?")
Mommy: You had some with lunch. How about juice?
Viola: KITTY REJECTS YOUR OFFERING ::headspinning:: YOUR MOTHER'S IN HERE WITH US, CARIS. EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE.
Mommy: Ohhhhhh kay. ::sets cup of white milk on the table::
Viola: IF I HAD THE RING, THE UNIVERSE WOULD BE MINE TO CONTROL. ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR.
Mommy: Go to your chair.

Later:

Mommy: Do you want a drink? (see how I set myself up for this shit?)
Viola: Chocomilk?
Mommy: No, I don't think so.
Viola: CHOCOMILK.
Mommy: Yeah, 'kay. ::hands her a cup of water::
Viola: ::looking at the cup of water:: Nooooo! (as she does this she runs away, hands flailing, like a muppet)
Mommy: Go to your chair.
Viola: ::is already in the chair:: I'M DONE. AHAAAHAHAHGHRHGHAH I'M DONE.
Mommy: Obviously if you're screaming about being done then you're not done.
Viola: I'M BLOGGING ABOUT THIS WHEN I GET OLDER.
Mommy: I ALREADY BEAT YOU TO IT, CUPCAKE.
Viola: You're the reason I'm in therapy!
Mommy: Haahahahaha welcome to the human race.

Ours is a loving relationship.

4. Just for you. (h/t kwanalicious)

5. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ME. (h/t, sthayashi)

6. 51stcenturyfox, here's your sexy Mermaid song, courtesy of Great Big Sea.

7. Die Trufachts: for the past three nights in a row, one of my recurring dreams involves me trying, and failing to correctly install my shower curtain rod.

Comments

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

I think I might have lost sight of how far is too far (as evidenced by my current convo about Gwen's tumor/baby with tardistenantsue)...anywho...NOT TOO FAR!! COMPELETLY AWESOME AND I WANT TO PRINT IT FOR MY WALL LOL

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

HAAAHAHAAHAHA PRINT IT OUT!

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

For a second I thought you meant the conversation LOL
And I SHOULD print it, really make people wonder about me :D
*giggles* Ianto says Shitbears

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Well, you know, is there really an adequate expression for when you find some girl humping your coffee machine?

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

There is. It sounds something like this:
SHITBEARS! YOU'RE SMUDGING THE CHROME!!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Be careful. He has a stun gun. Isn't chrome a conductor?

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

Oh no...not the stun gun *is conflicted* Like to see the gun. Do not want to fry.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Step away from the coffee machine. Offer to make him a coffee. If your offer pleases Ianto, then no stun gun.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

*Steps back with deep breath, polishes machine* What do you think he would like? SO MUCH PRESSURE!!

You want to see how far a person can go before it's officially too far? So...umm....She's going to special hell with us now.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Oh dear.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

Too far?

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Oh no. distracted by porn.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

Porn? What porn?

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Beta reading some.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

Tease

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Hey. It's not mine!

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

Tell the truth - Is it because I made Janet have Owen's baby?

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

No. That's actually kind of funnny.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

Is it because she may have possibly ate said baby?

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Janet wouldn't eat her baby! someone else's baby, maybe.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

*facepalm* Why didn't I think of that? Obvs I need a beta for my messenger convos.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Haaahahha.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

Failing that maybe some sort of internal filter...

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Just keep being funneh. Funneh always works.

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

I fear you may be mocking me, but as you haven't run away screaming yet I'm going to give it a pass...