i sense there's something in the wind that seems like tragedy's at hand

[amand_r]

1. Non-Torchwood fan Kwanalicious peruses the pairings list at omnijaxual and inadvertently writes fanfic.

Kwanalicious: so i'm reading that omnijaxual fic pairing list. and i'm fucking blown away. motherfucking animorphs, man. those bygone innocent years of enjoying ghostwriting
Amand-r: LOLOR5. WAIT TIL YOU GET TO THE BOTTOM.
Kwanalicious: the care bears?! dear god
Amand-r: THE LAST CATEGORY BLEW MY BRAIN APART.
Kwanalicious: if fraggles are on this list, i give up
Amand-r: I SIGNED ON FOR CAREBEARS!!!
Kwanalicious: hahaha, you WOULD. goddammmit
Amand-r: EITHER THAT OR GOD, FROM DOGMA.
Kwanalicious: wtf
Amand-r: JACK/ALANNIS MORISSETTE FTW.
Kwanalicious: is there a single person in the dr. who universe that ISN'T listed in this? ew, flubber?
Amand-r: TONS OF PEOPLE AREN'T LISTED. FOR SRS.
Kwanalicious: wtf no sex with fraggles but sex with the trash heap
Amand-r: LOLOL. I JUST TYPED IN WHAT PEOPLE SUGGESTED. THE LIST IS NOT COMPREHENSIVE.
Kwanalicious: lol lol, tachikoma
Amand-r: I added that.
Kwanalicious: cortana?? she's only digital
Amand-r: Tachikoma.
Kwanalicious: that means..cyber sexing
Amand-r: YES.
Kwanalicious: lol. i would just write it up as a chat log
Amand-r: DUDE, SOMEONE SUGGESTED the cosmological constant. GOOGLE THAT.
Kwanalicious: jack: i put on my robe and wizard hat
Amand-r: LOLOR5.
Kwanalicious:
cortana: i put your 1 in my 0
jack: googleplex!!!!!!!
the end
Amand-r: YES!!! JUST LIKE THAT!
Kwanalicious: hahaha
Amand-r: See how you wrote it and you didn't mean to?
Kwanalicious: yeah. that...may be the only fanfic i have ever written or will ever write. wow, magical portraits from harry potter? that's like having your own reactive porn
Amand-r: COME SHOT. "sorry, got some in your tempura"
Kwanalicious: haha, ew. Ugh. some of these are decidedly unsexy. like the coffee room aliens in men in black.
Amand-r: haaahahaha I KNOW.
Kwanalicious: it just seems really...unsanitary.
Amand-r: That one is strangely appropriate, though.
Kwanalicious: jesus christ
Amand-r: I wish someone would write Jack working for the MIB.
Kwanalicious: who suggested all the aztec gods? wtf.
Amand-r: I don't remember?!!!?!? FLAYING SEX!
Kwanalicious: hahaha, a lolcat?? i imagine that it would ONLY respond to jack in approved lolcat phrases.
lolcat: i can has cheezburger please?
jack: here ya go stuffs dick in lolcat
Amand-r: Jack: ORLY?
Kwanalicious: lol.
Amand-r: LOLCAT: INVISIBLE HANDJOB Like how I included that in mythology?
it should have been ceilingcat. lol
Kwanalicious: haha yes. well that would be the punchline at the end. or the intro. ceilingcat is watching jack masturbate! so he jumps down to lend a paw? holy crap, the horta from star trek? gross
Amand-r: LOL I LIKE HOW DISTRACTED YOU ARE HERE.
Kwanalicious: who the fuck is kit fisto? i feel like i'm pretty decently nerdy in star wars, yet i don't know who that is.
Amand-r: ??? I DON'T KNOW.
Kwanalicious: hahahaha edward cullen. please tell me that was your suggestion.
lol, any cereal mascot?
Amand-r: NOPE!!
Kwanalicious: how about that goddamn bear that's on price chopper's generic brand cereal
Amand-r: SHADINGS SUGGESTED IT. SHE WAS FUNNY ABOUT IT TOO!
Kwanalicious: my dad always fucking laughs at those
Amand-r: SHE WAS ALL, "LOLOR5 EDWARD *SNORT*."
Kwanalicious: haha



2. That meme thing from yesterday? Much more complicated than I thought. Give me time.

3. I beta read a Harry Potter/Torchwood crossover for the Snarry games, and It'd be nice if you went over to give it a whirl. It has mystery! Sex! A FIREARMS LESSON FROM CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS, RAF. You know, all the good stuff.

Here it is: Sands of Time by rons_pigwidgeon.

4. My carpet has mystery spots. What are you, mystery spots? You are not cat puke. Hrm. Don't worry, Billy Mays will take care of you.

5. Update that I don't want to get into: Hives are not gone.

Comments

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

Re: hives - temporary itch relief.

Wet a chamomile teabag until it's soaked, then wipe it on the itchy places. I know it sounds like new age herbs-heal-all crap, but it works. My partner's mum, who believes in none of that tried it when we told her about it as an absolute last resort before tearing her own skin off with the itchy, and it worked for her.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Oh, I have things to STOP the itching. I don't know what the CAUSE of the hives are, and that is tiring.

I think its stress.

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

Ugh, that sucks.

*offers hugs and chocolate*

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I CANNOT HUG YOU. TOO BUSY SLATHERING MYSELF WITH HYDROCORTISONE.

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

Ice packs are fab, too, for the worst patches.

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

not sparkles?

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

JB hasn't visited me in weeks.

I miss him!

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

HOW DARE!
he should be the first person they test human cloning on

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I WISH TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS NEWSLETTER.

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

I WISH TO RECEIVE MONEY FOR SAYING THINGS.

[shadings.livejournal.com]

!!! I GOT MENTIONED IN YOUR POST. DOES THAT MEAN I'M AWESOME? >:D I'm thinking if someone doesn't claim Edward soon, I'll have to. >:( But oh god, there are so many cool things on that list, HOW CAN I CHOOSE.

God, I hope you find out what's causing those hives soon. ): And then Jack can shoot whatever it is in the face.

Mystery spots! o: About a month ago, my wooden floor randomly developed a fairly huge speckled white/grey patch. I never found out why. It was very weird. :|

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

Sounds like water or heat damage to the varnish.

[shadings.livejournal.com]

It might have been water. What happened was, I left an empty plastic bag on top of it, and then the next morning, when I picked up the plastic bag, there was a tiny bit of water on the bag, and the white patch on the floor. The water kind of randomly appeared out of nowhere though. :|

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

That white is what happens when water gets under varnish. Sometimes it goes away!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

YOU ARE AWESOME WITHOUT ME.

Yeah, I need to divine the secrets of the Ya ya Sisterhood the hives.

[kwanalicious.livejournal.com]

You brave, brave souls.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

haaahahhh SMEONE JUST CLAIMED THE SLASH. THE / THE PUNCTUATION MARK.

DAY ONE, AND SOMEONE HAS SIGNED ON TO WRITE /

BECAUSE JACK IS THAT AWESOME.

[kwanalicious.livejournal.com]

Fuck, I just realized I spelled "googolplex" wrong. higher education ftl :(

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

STANFORD, FTW.

[sthayashi.livejournal.com]

Think your trip to the hub will help you diagnose whether it's you or your house/neighborhood/cat/child?

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I AM ALLERGIC TO REALITY, STEVE.

[lawsontl.livejournal.com]

Well, I kinda had to give up EVERYTHING. But I've got that weird inherited crap from my mom that makes me break out in little itchy bumps, and it can trigger off all sorts of stuff, including certain metals (aka glitter), certain dyes and perfumes, sunburns, stress, or sometimes it just comes because I haven't had it in a few years. So, um, yeah. I do what I can to avoid it.

I've grown accustomed to being boring. I use Dove Sensitive Skin bar soap in the shower; my dermatologist said even sensitive skin liquids/gels can actually be irritating because they have to use alcohols and such to keep them liquid. No loofahs (though I keep my scrunchy thing around for mah feets). Everything that touches my skin is dye and perfume free, even laundry detergent and fabric softener (and I wash everything new before wearing it). When I use lotion, it's Aveeno. My sunblock (on the rare occasion I allow myself out in the sun, you've seen how pale I am) is actually the stuff meant for kids with sensitive skin, so it's uber extra sensitive.

I'm not supposed to soak in a hot bath (as ye with a child laugh at such an extravagance in the first place), but when I do, I use Aveeno or just straight water, no bubbles. My shampoo is even uber gentle. Deodorant? Sensitive. Perfume? Minimal and only spritzed onto places not prone to the spots. They told me I shouldn't dye my hair, either, that it can trigger it on my scalp, but that's where I draw the line. My hairdresser now takes extra care to get dye right near but not ON my scalp to minimize impact. I heart her. If I had to stop dying my hair...guh...Hulk Smash.

On the bright side, I am NEVER asked to back off on the perfume anymore. And I kinda like smelling like Clean Me rather than Eau de Jessica Simpson.

As for the cat, try bathing her regularly. I really doubt it's her you're allergic to, but it's funnier than shit to give cats a bath. When you stop bleeding, take pictures. Then go to your doctor and tell 'em you're allergic to the niblet. *snark*

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Soaking in hot water, JSYK, will make itching worse. Always use lukewarm or cooler!

I grew up flea dipping my cats, and one of these ones is a maine coon. I'm not bathing them unless they get caught in an oil spill. And even then I might give them an evaluative look and say, "really? You can't clean that off?"

[amonitrate.livejournal.com]

Jack/God from Dogma. That is awesome.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I KNOW! I WANT HER TO WEAR THE OUTFIT AT THE END OF THE FILM. IT WILL HAVE SKEEBALL.

[amonitrate.livejournal.com]

YES. IT WILL BE CUTE AND AMAZING. ALANIS MORRISETTE IS THE BEST GOD EVER.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

NO TALKING!

[amonitrate.livejournal.com]

BUT LOTS OF SQUEAKS.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

and nose honking!

[amonitrate.livejournal.com]

YES. AHAHHAHAHAA.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

I WAS THINKING I'D PUT THE COSMOS IN HER VAG.

[amonitrate.livejournal.com]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahaha.

YES, THIS MAKES PERFECT SENSE.