amand_r: (Default)
1. Shower.
2. Smell towel: clean, downy fresh scent.
3. Smell hands: clean, bodywash scent.
4. Smell hands through towel: YESTERDAY'S ONION CHOPPING EXTRAVAGANZA.

EXPLAIN. EXPLAIN.

*Degree should be a BA or higher or equivalent. Assoc. Degree OK.
amand_r: (amanda is nuts)
1. What's with Family Guy's Conway Twitty thing? It started with short clips, and now 7.13 had a whole performance of "I See The 'Want To' In Your Eyes". Not that I didn't LOL, but what up with this? Did Seth MacFarlane get the rights to all Conway Twitty's music or something?

2. The drawback to CLEAN ALL THE THINGS in my house is that I don't want to write. Why does this happen? It happens when I have a shitload of things to do, that's for damn sure. Wholas, kinky krimmas, the twfemfic fest, about six original fic things to do, plus that charity book thing (NO I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN, TWITTER PEOPLE). I need something to jumpstart my ass. OH AND ALSO I HAVE THAT SEASON OF TORCHWOOD WOT I BE DOING. JESUS.

SOMEONE KICK ME IN THE ARSE.

3. My fried egg fu is sufficiently warmed up, so tonight it's stout and cheddar rarebit with fried eggs and the old stand-by, carrots and leeks. Oh carrots and leeks, why can't I quit you? I am using balsamic vinegar again instead of red wine vinegar.

4. My kid is in preschool! She started Monday, and so far so good.

5. This year she wants to be Snow White for Halloween. See Mander drive from one store to another.

6. I SEE THE 'WANT TO' IN YOUR EYES.

7. Ever look at all your junk and become filled with the urge to see how much of it you can sell? Because I think that might be my new hobby.

8. Writing a short story about a unicorn showing up on a midwest farm, and it's not going to have a happy ending. But all this urban or modern fantasy, I have no idea who takes it. My horror is not going over well with the horror markets. All my rejections are like, "This is good, but it's not us. Do you have anything more us?" It's enough to make a girl turn to poetry. Which, oh hai quiet passion.

9. I keep all my books that I'm currently reading stashed about the house in places. I have, at any given time, about 8 of them, and sometimes I substitute more when I get in a new pulp crap thing that I'll do in three days (or hours). So I finished Wharton, and picked up The Abridged Tale of Genji, like a responsible reader. Then I got waylaid by The Murder of Biggie Smalls. BUT THEN I GOT WAYLAID BY LKH'S NEW ANITA BLAKE BOOK. OH MY GOD IF MY READING HABITS WERE A NASDAQ CHART, IT WOULD LOOK LIKE BLACK MONDAY. With any luck I can skim my way through LKH and back into Biggie and then into Genji and the Burroughs I cracked the other day.

10. Okay, I just want to state for the record that I find it humourous, given the general attitude that the lyrics of Death Row records used to have re: the police, that they would only hire off-duty cops for their security. On one hand it's heartening, because it shows that it's possible to believe in the corruption of some of the police dept and still believe in their abilities or that some of them are good. On the other hand it's lol.

11. I have a mental image of Jack teaching Lois, Maggie and Robert how to lindy hop after hours in the atrium, to this song. They all have their shoes off, and they're goofing off in their stocking feet in the atrium. Gwen and Dee are in their offices pretending they don't hear. But they do. Gwen gives in, but Dee puts her head phones in and listens to Barry Manilow. BEANS AND CORNBREAD.
amand_r: (tw/ianto makes my ass look great)
1. GAH.

ME: Blah blah blah.
THERAPIST: Blah blah BLAH blah. ::eyebrows::
ME: Blah Blah. ::wavey hands::
THERAPIST: AH HAH. THERE IT IS!
ME: Whut?
THERAPIST: There's your problem! Your issue!
ME: ::smacks head:: GODDAMMIT.
THERAPIST: Ha ha ha! Found it! NOW YOUR REAL THERAPY CAN BEGIN.
ME: SHITBEARS!
THERAPIST: YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD HIDE IT.
ME: SHUT UP, RAFIKI.
THERAPIST: Same time next week?
ME: Yes please.


2. MBABB IS AT 137,350. That sounds impressive until you realise that on 6/27 I had 125,242, so this month I have only done 12,108 on it. SHITBEARS.

3. I'm going to start taking my prozac at night and see if that doesn't cure my exhaustion during the day.

4. Because I can't leave well enough alone, the current ep I'm working on:

They both jumped into the SUV and Maggie started the car, turning the heater on full blast. It hadn't been off long enough to have completely cooled down and the warmth spread across Lois's hose-covered legs. Bliss.

"Lo," Maggie said, tucking the tickets into the sun visor, "please tell me you packed denims or some other heavy work trousers."

Lois shrugged. "I have slacks and a pair of coveralls."

Maggie sighed. "Okay, we have a little bit of time, and the Quay is open." She pointed to the hulking shopping arena that boasted hundreds of outlet stores. "Lois Habiba, you need to dress for a mess."

"Dress for a mess," Lois deadpanned as she pulled her shit coffee from the cup-holder and took a sip. Absence did not make the tongue grow fonder. Maggie started the SUV and pulled out of the Wightlink lot.

"I bet they have a Starbucks," Maggie sang.

Lois gestured at the windshield with the cup. "Sally forth, my good woman."


That is all.

ETA: IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME.

hrng

Apr. 30th, 2010 12:26 pm
amand_r: (tw/wtf jack)
THING THE FIRST THE FIRST THING THE FIRST: Before I do anything, I have a rec: All In Good Time, this week's VS ep by the lovely bleu-bleu and kel, mistress of the night. I like the…individual of the week, and keep an eye out for Agent 888, because he is made of awesome.

I might have committed some fanfic for it. ::shifty eyes::

THING THE SECOND THE SECOND THING THE SECOND, DEAR LIZA, DEAR LIZA: I have something that's bothering me. I lie awake at night and think about it. It digs at me, like a splinter in your naughty bits.

Okay, maybe not that.

The Vidalia Chop Wizard

Let me elucidate. It's not the machine itself that bothers me. I can understand why someone might want one. It chops shit. It measures. I use a cuisinart and I enjoy the zen of hand chopping, but I can see how other might not. It's not the mechanism that bothers me. It's this, at :1, and :33, and then again at :50.

WHO IS THIS MORON CHOPPING THINGS? I get that they're trying to sell me their wares, but do they have to get the most incompetent idiot out there to pretend that their hands are painted on in order to sell it? Really?

I get it. Honestly honey, if that's the way you're going to hold the knife then you shouldn't be trusted with anything sharp anyway, but Jesus. It's a trend, the World's Most Incompetent [whatever]:

Fasta Pasta :1-:10
Pasta Pro :1-:10, 1:16,
Sonic Blade :1-:12, :32-:36, 1:18-1:19 (UNRELATED—1:45=Nannerpuss? and 1:54=WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? A KLINGON WEAPON MADE FROM FRUIT?!!?)

I stopped here, but I have seen it for things outside of the kitchen as well. Makes flappy hands OMG MY HANDS DON'T WORK.

That said, was I the only one during the Sonic Blade commercial doing every callback I knew from the dinner scene in Rocky?

I'm making lasagna today, and I am tempted to film parts of the process as if my hands are in a commercial for Sonic Pasta or something.

edit: Thanks to Sam, who has his fingers everywhere, I have watched this, over which I laughed my ass off (goodbye buns of steel!) and then felt smugly satisfied that I wasn't the only person seeing this. I AM NOT ALONE!

MBABB WC= 33962
amand_r: (da bing)
For [livejournal.com profile] bk7brokemybrain, a miniscule synopsis of Prison Break. )

I started to do one in my head for NCIS but it's all a jumble of CAF-POW, "Another dead marine!" and "GIBBS IS HUGGING ABBEY." and something about ZIVA being the terminator, and Tony and someone else having sex.

I obviously know too much Oh and there's a duck who does autopsies, but I don't know how that flies in a military institution.
amand_r: (YOUR MOM)
So I did this a while back for Panic! at the Disco, and I figured that in light of the fact that all of my friends online watch SPN, I'd let them know just what I have learnt from their conversations. This is this outsider's understanding of SPN, in post it form. )

So there you have it. Haahahahaaahaha. I KNOW IT'S AN IMPALA. I was gonna draw a deer. LAWL.
amand_r: (hp/snape suspects bullshit)
1. Some dipshit took my username and like fifteen permutations thereof, so I am available at amanderama on that ask me anything site. I don't know about you, but I always hesitate to do these or anon memes because I'm always afraid that I'm going to get a bunch of anon questions like, "Why are you such a drama queen?" and "Are you this big an asshat in real life?" But I shall have faith in humanity. Like Bon Jovi I am…living on a prayer, slippery when wet, wanted: dead or alive and shit.

I want to lay you down in a bed of roses. For tonight, I sleep on a bed of nails.

2. I have something I need to get off my chest. It's been bothering me for a long time, and I just repress it, squash it down and hide it so that I don't have to deal with it. But it's been eating the inside of me for ages, and I just can't go on any longer--

Why the hell do they put those wire handles on Chinese take away boxes? I get that it's handy, but it prevents me from microwaving the box. It used to be that in the past I was so set on microwaving it that I would wiggle the ends and pull the wire out, but then the carton, which is like form Hellraiser-inspired puzzle box construction, literally needs the wire to hold it together. Look man, I don't want to get another dish dirty, plus, I love eating out of those containers. It's awesome and I'm like Cher in Suspect, walking around my house and eating out of the peanut butter jar (thanks for that idea, Cher). PLUS. It's bed for the environment or something. You can't recycle those wires and they're not biodegradable and I waste water and soap and shit dirtying a second dish.

Seriously, someone has to solve this problem. Solve it before I go insane.

3. Every week I make something to practice a skill that I haven't learnt yet, or make something I've never had before. So help me pick next week's adventur (thanks, Sam!).

[Poll #1538408]
amand_r: (Default)
Okay, so potty training is setting us back, again and again, and mum thinks it's the pull ups and I'm at the point where I agree with her.

Can anyone recommend effective training pants? They must be:

1. fairly waterproof and washable.
2. Uncomfortable. Seriously, I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do, but I can make it an unhappy thing.

I'm amazingly frustrated right now. Fuckbears.

I also don't want to talk about it, really, so if you know of training pants, that's cool, but anything else potty related I'm not in the mood for. Sorry.
amand_r: (bunny/well helloooooo loser)
Things I learnt this week, in shark hell:

1. I lose my temper, and then I do things I regret. This is possibly because I would prefer to cut myself off than be hurt by someone blowing their brains out again. Thanks, person.

Under that consideration, I am going to try two things:

a. When I get mad, I am not allowed to send any correspondence for at least a day.
b. If I do hit the send button, I am not going to immediately say to myself, "oh man, you fucked that up. Best to close up shop because you screwed that." Because apparently, people on the other side of the argument are smarter than you, and they don't think that way. So when you sever ties because you think that's what is best, you end up just hurting people more. I will sit on my hands, and nail them to the table if necessary.
c. I will learn to apologise if it comes to that, and hope for the best. Plan C is the least favorite plan. Plan A should be the best. People do it all the time. It's not rocket science.

2. So in that light, I said some harsh words this week, and I apologised to the people, and there's nothing I can do but wait. One of those people has decided that is not enough, and to that person, I cannot do more than say that I am sorry. To the other person who accepted my apology, I am sincere that I will try not to do it again, and I have made a game plan to approach that.

3. I need to try some Midol.
amand_r: (waaaaaaaa)
1. FUCKING SHARK HELL WEEK, DAY THREE: Not really pissed. More like, resigned to futility. LOL. I said it aloud—LOL. YAY!

2. Pondering how some OTC medicines for already embarrassing ailments have even more embarrassing names: Beano, Gas-X, Preparation H (which I guess is not embarrassing unless you know what it is for).

Me: Me, seriously, who likes taking PREPARATION H to the checkout aisle?
Mum: Well, there's always Anusol, that's not embar…oh wait.
Me: THAT WILL NEVER STOP BEING FUNNY.

3. Got a statement for a dental visit from a year ago from my old insurance company this weekend. Read THIS IS NOT A BILL and shrugged. Then today got a bill from my dentist saying "Sorry this is late! We just got the thing from the insurance company! LOL!" for $82. While I am told this might violate HIPPA laws, I'm just going to pay it. Still, just another reminder of the grinding wheels of humanity.

4. I'm still tired.

The rest under a cut: Dexter, writing fanfiction, why continuity errors doesn't bother me, crack, random shoes, disabling comments, when you fall out of love with fandom, and mutual fic masturbation. Oh, and Catherine Parr. And poop. )

That's it. Someone get me a fucking bear claw.
amand_r: (amandr's angry)
Dear [livejournal.com profile] pittsburgh comm.

We get it. some of you have a bug up your ass about the parking chair.

Jesus christ, do we care what Californians think of the PPC? I think not.

If you're going somewhere where the lot is plowed, then great.

So, if I'm just going down to Giant Eagle, and I dug my car out and I have my six month old with me and I would like to have a space when I get back in thirty minutes so I don't have to dig out for another hour with her strapped to my back, that would be okay with you? I just want to make sure it's okay with you and your new position as Parking God of Pittsburgh. I'll make sure to pick up some incense for your altar while I'm over there.

Also, my friend from Germany thought it was quaint and off and wtf when I told him that you can get a sandwich with the fries and the coleslaw on it. Should I consider what he thinks the next time I go to Primanti's?

I smell a) non-native and b) someone who took a spot and feel guilty about it and c) someone who Has An Opinion despite not having a car or d) someone who wasn't smart enough to use a chair and is all stropped about it.

oh god no.

Feb. 8th, 2010 02:06 pm
amand_r: (amandr's angry)
So I just stirred my last cup of coffee with what I thought was my coffee spoon from this morning, but which was actually the spoon that I stirred my reheated lunch with.

Cheesy Parmesan Tuna Helper.

...


::drinks anyway::
amand_r: (drwho/daleks!)
1. Happy Birthday, Lord Byron. I still hate your fucking poetry but want to be your drinking buddy.

2. My kid has discovered the miracle that is Disney Princess SpaghettiOs with meatballs whereas mommy feels like her childhood has been whupped upside the head with a cricket bat.

3. "At the age of 22 Conan applied for a job at Mrs. Fields, but sadly never received a call back," John Lauck, President of Mrs. Fields, tells the Daily News. "We want to officially call you back, and make amends for what we now know was a huge oversight in talent recruitment." OH I LOVE YOU.

BORDERS! I APPLIED FOR A JOB IN 2006! AND 2003! CALL ME! (omg what is wrong with me that you don't want me? Is my hair too natural looking? I CAN CHANGE! MY LIFE FOR YOU! MY LI—WELL NO, BUT—WELL, YEAH, IF YOU ESSENTIALLY CONSIDER THAT I AM OFFERING HOURS OF MY LIFE TO WORK IN YOUR STORE IN EXCHANGE FOR MONEY, I LITERALLY AM TRADING MY LIFE FOR MONEY. HIRE ME! I CAN INDEX AND COLOUR CODE, USE A STEP STOOL AND LOOK PRETENTIOUS AND BE ABSENT WHEN CUSTOMERS NEED HELP! I COULD DO THAT FOR YOU.)

4. I started using a new conditioner, and I gotta tell you people, it smells fucking fantastic. I don't know that it's any better or worse than what I was using before, conditioner wise, but it SMELLS GREAT. I HAVE BEEN HUFFING MY HAIR ALL DAY.

5. The following conversation also occurred.

Me: Wanna listen to Dream?
Her: No. Sleep!
Me: You want to go to sleep?
Her: Yeaaaaaah.
Me: You never want to go to sleep. What, are you on crack?
Her: Oh yeah, okay crack.
Me: I wasn't offering.

Then she spent fifteen minutes trying to cram the stuffed giraffe into her ski pants. OH I HAVEN'T SHOWED YOU THE GIRAFFE AND HIS CLOTHING ADVENTURES. I have been remiss. )

6. [livejournal.com profile] opium_and_tea I owe you, and it's partially done! I have showed it to peoples! So, soon, but I need to pause-button today to work some shit out in RL. Muther fuckers.

7. mini-meme: Five Favorite Female Characters, because I ain't putting pics up for you: a) Princess Fucking Leia, b) Vanyel's Aunt Savil in the Last Herald Mage books, c) Gwen Cooper, d) Lt. Anita Van Buren on the Original Law and Order, e) Buffy Summers, BONUS: f) Amy Gardner, from the West Wing (possibly also Nancy Botwin, Mary Louise Marker's character from Weeds)
amand_r: (the server is robust)
1. In an email, [livejournal.com profile] neifile7 said: While you're on your mission to subvert as many fandom tropes as possible, I'd love to see you do a sort of anti-h/c one of these days. But I'm not sure what that would look like, yet.

I'm not sure either, but I am intrigued. Anyone have any thoughts?

2. I cannot speak for all of the flavours, but omg Maple Bacon Lollipops? YES, PLEASE. They are good. So good.

3. I found the context of this page LOLARIOUS. (h/t [livejournal.com profile] lastrega)

4. please no more grindcore at 3 am (h/t [livejournal.com profile] lastrega again)

I have nothing of any substance today. Sorry. Fic later. And it is the fluffiest thing I have ever written.
amand_r: (obligatory serious icon)


So the snow here is almost unbearable. As I type a bunch of men are using poles to remove the snow from the roof of my house, lest i find myself in the middle of a cave in.

I find myself moving sloth-like through the house. I don't want to clean, don't feel like writing, or watching television, all of which normally cheer me to some extent. The kidlet and I spent quite some time playing with playdoh before I realised that I'll have to pitch it all, as it has her sick germs all over it now, and that has to be an incubator for disease.

Am reading the first Dexter novel, and maybe it's because I already know the plot or something, but all I can think as I go through it is, "Jesus, is this clunky." I should put aside my expectations and just go with it. Or I can toss it for the next book. I'm thinking of reading one a week or something. Next on the list, unless I get waylaid by trying to finish the Laurell K Hamilton, is Eckhard Gerdes's Cistern Tawdry, mostly because I like to be reminded about form as function. At this point, I might be interested in the idea of fanfic collage work than actual straightforward writing.

I'm not even remotely as interesting as I used to be, so I suppose I should try to think of something witty to say. Uhm. For reasons that escape me, the paperclip from Microsoft Word won't leave me alone anymore. It used to pop up when I started what it thought was a letter, but now it pops up all the time with useless shit.

Me: (typing)
Paperclip: Hello! It looks like you're typing!
Me: (close)

Me: (typing)
Paperclip: Have you heard about fonts?
Me: (close)

Me: (typing)
Paperclip: You can cut and paste from Word into all kinds of places!
Me: (close)

Me: (typing "Torchwood")
Paperclip: That looks like a metasyntactic variable you're going for there!
Me: (close)

Me: (typing)
Paperclip: I'm lonely.
Me: (close)

Me: (typing)
Paperclip: LET ME LOVE YOU.
Me: (close)

I suppose I just have to go in and turn it off, but now it's become rather charming, like when you're in the middle of something and the same fucker comes up in IM all the time.

Imma get me some Chinese food today.
amand_r: (crimmas/jack wearing santa)
1. As I was linked to a rec for Heat Goes To Cold and One Thousand yesterday, the recs mentioned that the stories were ten years old, and it took me aback for a second. They ARE ten years old. At least. They might have been posted in 1998 (the notes say 1999 and 2000, but by 2000 I was living in my flat, and I had posted them before that, so I might be wrong.). I forget. Holy fucking shit. TEN YEARS in online fandom at least. And people are STILL READING them. Thanks people!

2. I feel slightly old.

3. I noticed a few days ago that LJ changed their search function. It now sucks balls. Some journals I would just look up whenever I wanted to see them, and now I can't do that, because they no longer show up in any search function.

Thanks lj, for becoming completely fucktarded. And don't bitch about how I'm a whiny fandom person because I said nothing all through strike through, nipplegate, the plus account/ad bullshit and the recent gender!fail crap. I hate you because your code is stepping backwards, like someon moron deciding they need to throw out their Blue-Ray player for goddamned Betamax.

I have just proven that poem about how when the came for my neighbour, I did nothing, and then they came for mah other neighbour and I did nothing, and then they came and took my Bagelfuls and I uh, I dunno. I forget that poem.

Or that other porn about how if I keep my head when chaos is all around me, then Jackie Aprile might shoot me in the head at a card game. Wait. No.

Sooper secret response for [livejournal.com profile] arsenicjade Dr O: (sigh) sometimes I just get so overwhelmed, I don't know whether to start from the left or from the right.

4. I want Burger King. I KNOW YOU THINK I MEAN THE FOOD, BUT NO, I MEAN THE BURGER KING. ROWR.

PSYCH, I WAS KIDDING. I WANT ME A WHOPPER. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. NO I MEAN THE BURGER. BUT WITH ONLY CHEESE, ONION, KETCHUP, MUSTARD AND PICKLES. IT'S LIKE ASKING THEM TO MAKE YOU A CHEESE BURGER THAT IS 2X THE SIZE! BOO YAH!

5. Yet another reason why Pittsburgh is an awesome place to live. Excerpt: "We wanted to do this street theater to energize people," said Mr. Buba, who wore a name tag bearing the name of UPMC board member G. Nicholas Beckwith III for the mock meeting. "The zombie link works because zombies have an insatiable appetite for human flesh and UPMC seems to have an insatiable appetite for chewing up our communities."

6. It started to snow here in the evening. I put on Ashokan Farewell and stood outside in the drift for about 20 minutes. Good times.

7. I bought this and lost it years ago (I might have given it to a co-worker in the English Department and never got it back; we're squirrely like that.), and I think I might get it again. LOL that amazon remembers that I bought it on April 13, 2003. Oh sad sad sad. :(

8. I'M GONNA SPEND MY MUTHERFUCKING CRIMMAS WITH A MUTHERFUCKING DALEK, BITCHES.

9. I take back all the bad things I was thinking about Dexter. I just got to the point where he tells Cody he'll go to his school for his report on Saudi Arabia.

10. DEAR CRUENTUM, I AM NOT YOUR SANTA, BUT I WROTE YOU FLUFFY SCOTT/JB RPS. No, it wasn't me. I wish it had been.
amand_r: (crimmas/jack's crimmas tardis)
1. SOME ANON WROTE ME SUPERMAN/OWEN IN THE COMMENTS TO THE SANTA EXCHANGE. SUPERMAN. OWEN. IT IS FANFUCKING TASTIC. I WANT A WHOLE FREAKING SERIES NOW.

2. [insert my thoughts on slash vs. gen here]

3. [insert my sheer disbelief that we have to get into this again]

4. HEADDESK.

5. I made the best comment I have ever made in LJ ever, last night, over in Sam's LJ:

Amand-r: Though with all that cheese, you really should have some Citrucel.
Miss Winterhill: I like brie rind. I eat it last, like taking apart an oreo.
Amand-r: I have never liked Brie. It tastes like mouldy mushrooms. Yes, I get the irony of that statement.
Miss Winterhill: I hate stuffed peppers.
Amand-r: Hahahahaha I LOVE STUFFED PEPPERS. WE'RE LIKE POLAR OPPOSITES. POLAR BEAR OPPOSITES.
Miss Winterhill: OMG DO WE GET ARMOUR? PANSERBJORN STYLE? Just don't go ripping off anyone's jaw, that's... messy.
Amand-r: I killed a bunch of internet philistines with a jaw. The jaw of an asshat.

Then I found some honey inside the guts of a lion carcass, and I was all pissed off because man, I hate honey. Why couldn't it be pudding?

I fucking love pudding.


See that up there? That's the kind of mood I'm in today. If I had time I'd write you a killer essay about something funny. But I don't have time for you, which is a shame because the thing I'm wasting my time on today is a total suckhole.

6. Finished season one of Dexter last night. Uhm, yeah.

7. Also, I am getting new eyeballs today. I mean contacts. Contacts. Yeah.

Goddammit. I want some dead lion tummy pudding. What flavour would that be? Butterscotch? I think I have butterscotch pudding...
amand_r: (crimmas/ianto's bow ass)
1. OMG John and Paul in CSI: Sgt Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band. I wish I could explain it myself.

2. The [livejournal.com profile] hlh_shortcuts Highlander Holiday Fic Exchange starts posting today. I have to get off my fat arse.

3. [livejournal.com profile] emquilxy sent me the following link in a textless email simply entitled, ROAD TRIP!

4. [my thoughts on lj's latest thing that fandom has freaked out about here]

5. [my thoughts on liberals]

6. [my thoughts on yaoi]

7. [the change from the transaction I had last night with your mom]

8. [it was a quarter]

9. Today is Julie London day.

10. I'm too busy to talk to you people. Go on. Scram.

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