...

Jul. 21st, 2011 02:24 pm
amand_r: (WATCH FOR CAMELS)
To: E
From: Amand-r
Subject: TERROR

FOR SERIOUS: http://runforyourlives.com


To: Amand-r
From: E
Subject: RE: TERROR

DO NOT LIKE.


To: E
From: Amand-r
Subject: Re: RE: TERROR

told you.  TOLD YOU.  DID YOU WATCH THE CLIP?

I WONDER IF ANYONE IS GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK ON THE COURSE.


To: Amand-r
From: E
Subject: RE: RE: RE: TERROR

I did, it was terrifying.  I'd be that person that has a heart attack.


To: E
From: Amand-r
Subject: Re: RE: RE: E: TERROR

I WOULD BE THE PERSON GOING TO JAIL BECAUSE THEY HURT A WHOLE BUNCH OF THE "ZOMBIES".
amand_r: (OMG YAY)
Thursday weigh in!

Exercise--

Miles run/walked: 16.22
RUN::WALK RATIO: 20:50
Best 5K time: 35:11
Other cardio: Does walking count?
Milestone: New best 5K time!

Last average's weight: 169.3
Today's weight: 168.8
This week's average weight: 168.4
Loss/Gain: -.9
amand_r: (waaaaaaaa)
Okay. So.

I opened a document to start a new story (in which vampires are normal and humans are the myth. I'm working on it.), and I couldn't face the whiteness. So I opened episode 8 and corrected the grammar there, and then. Then. I looked down.

There, from under the L key—dust. I saw that.

So after about twenty minutes of tweezing clumps of cat hair and dust and detritus from my keyboard, I stopped to consider that I might have a small problem.

Writer's block.

It's not like I haven't had it before, the erectile dysfunction of the literary world (can you tell how desperate I was to make that joke?), but this comes at a time when I am teeming with ideas. I have about a dozen scenes in the season 4 that I'd love to put down. I have about thirty short stories in various stages of development. I have four stories that I should edit and resubmit.

I'm going to have to drop out of the tw genfic fest. I know it's not going to be done. It's not even started. It's planned. I could start it and get myself rolling, but I can think of so many other things that are more important, like the stories for money. I can't make myself work on fanfic because I think I have to get more stories done so I can sell them.

I have to relax.

Here's how bad it is: I get Poets and Writer's Magazine, and I use the back to mine for submissions, and I haven't opened the last 2 (it's every other month, so that should tell you something) because the Jan/Feb issue is titled 'The Inspiration Issue'. Look at that cover and tell me that's not intimidating. Or it could just be me.

It's not a new thing that I don't like to listen to other people talk about their writing. And I don't mean in a "this is my plot" way. That's okay. I don't like to listen to meta about writing. I don't care about why someone writes, or how they do it, or what drives them. Because it makes me think about what drives me, and I don't care about that either. Everyone seems more together than me. Everyone seems to think this is…important enough to talk about (I think I'm doing that now). All I know is that the more I think about my process, the worse my fic is received, the less it's liked, so I don't LIKE to think about it. So, there.

Also: everyone I know is writing a book. One of them sold their book. Others are submitting theirs. I don't even have a short story to send anywhere. Every time I try to sit down and edit, I think, "God, what's the point, editing isn't going to make it better." /whine (If you are one of those people reading this, I sincerely wish you nothing but the best, really, I do.)

Anyway, I am blocked. I even have an idea for a two-column poem about a man licking the print advert for gum in the subway car. See? Ideas. Still. Who's going to buy/print that shit? My gum poem? Fuck that shit.

Part of it is this doubt that I know where to submit my stuff. I don't know. It's not like the shit I read in the samples, and I can't find a place that has stuff like mine. And that bothers me, or something. Or maybe I think it's interesting. I dunno. I just have to find the place.

I feel better just writing all this.

Fuck all that. Okay. Coconut Man, Moonheads, and P.



Next on Amanda blogs: I have discovered how to exercise, and nyah nyah nyah, you bastards. Also, Cashmere Mafia was the worst trainwreck of a show I have watched since The L Word, but I couldn't stop watching.
amand_r: (rps/it's barrowman country!)
This past weekend I took my kid to DC to see her family and also the pandas, who are like family. Like the shark the panda had millions of razor sharp teeth, which they use like a hacksaw to cut through bone, candy and fences. The Chinese believe that if you find a discarded panda tooth, you have the power to summons Godzilla!

Ahem.

So yeah, here was our trip, pictoral style:

VIVI AND MANDER GO TO DC (NOT DRAGON*CON) )

STAY TUNED FOR THE HALLOWEEN COOKIE DISASTER.
amand_r: (Default)
1. Shower.
2. Smell towel: clean, downy fresh scent.
3. Smell hands: clean, bodywash scent.
4. Smell hands through towel: YESTERDAY'S ONION CHOPPING EXTRAVAGANZA.

EXPLAIN. EXPLAIN.

*Degree should be a BA or higher or equivalent. Assoc. Degree OK.
amand_r: (tw/ianto hello!)
1.



2. CANT. STOP. LAUGHING.

3. BUTT.

4. WRITING RCBW STOP SUCKING ASS STOP NOT YOUR ASS STOP YOUR MOM'S STOP HA HA I JUST MADE A YOUR MOM JOKE IN A TELEGRAM STOP EXCEPT THIS ISN'T A TELEGRAM SEMICOLON IT'S A POST ON THE INTERNET STOP I GUESS THESE SHOULD BE CLOSE TAGS OR SOMETHING STOP IS THAT TOO META QUESTION MARK STOP I DUNNO I'M JUST SAYING I HAVE BEEN WATCHING A LOT OF FAMILY GUY STOP WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT QUESTION MARK STOP OH YEAH I'M WRITING AND IT'S NOT GOING WELL STOP MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH TRYING TO WRITE ANGST WHILST HAVING A HEAD FULL OF AN INFANT SAYING 'WHAT THE DEUCE' QUESTION MARK STOP AND AN ALCOHOLIC DOG WHO SINGS SHOWTUNES STOP.

5. I have one sentence of wholas. One. It's four lines long. Wharton, you say? You will recognise my story this week because it will be the only one that, whilst you read it, in your head it's narrated by Joanne Woodward.
amand_r: (amanda is nuts)
1. What's with Family Guy's Conway Twitty thing? It started with short clips, and now 7.13 had a whole performance of "I See The 'Want To' In Your Eyes". Not that I didn't LOL, but what up with this? Did Seth MacFarlane get the rights to all Conway Twitty's music or something?

2. The drawback to CLEAN ALL THE THINGS in my house is that I don't want to write. Why does this happen? It happens when I have a shitload of things to do, that's for damn sure. Wholas, kinky krimmas, the twfemfic fest, about six original fic things to do, plus that charity book thing (NO I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN, TWITTER PEOPLE). I need something to jumpstart my ass. OH AND ALSO I HAVE THAT SEASON OF TORCHWOOD WOT I BE DOING. JESUS.

SOMEONE KICK ME IN THE ARSE.

3. My fried egg fu is sufficiently warmed up, so tonight it's stout and cheddar rarebit with fried eggs and the old stand-by, carrots and leeks. Oh carrots and leeks, why can't I quit you? I am using balsamic vinegar again instead of red wine vinegar.

4. My kid is in preschool! She started Monday, and so far so good.

5. This year she wants to be Snow White for Halloween. See Mander drive from one store to another.

6. I SEE THE 'WANT TO' IN YOUR EYES.

7. Ever look at all your junk and become filled with the urge to see how much of it you can sell? Because I think that might be my new hobby.

8. Writing a short story about a unicorn showing up on a midwest farm, and it's not going to have a happy ending. But all this urban or modern fantasy, I have no idea who takes it. My horror is not going over well with the horror markets. All my rejections are like, "This is good, but it's not us. Do you have anything more us?" It's enough to make a girl turn to poetry. Which, oh hai quiet passion.

9. I keep all my books that I'm currently reading stashed about the house in places. I have, at any given time, about 8 of them, and sometimes I substitute more when I get in a new pulp crap thing that I'll do in three days (or hours). So I finished Wharton, and picked up The Abridged Tale of Genji, like a responsible reader. Then I got waylaid by The Murder of Biggie Smalls. BUT THEN I GOT WAYLAID BY LKH'S NEW ANITA BLAKE BOOK. OH MY GOD IF MY READING HABITS WERE A NASDAQ CHART, IT WOULD LOOK LIKE BLACK MONDAY. With any luck I can skim my way through LKH and back into Biggie and then into Genji and the Burroughs I cracked the other day.

10. Okay, I just want to state for the record that I find it humourous, given the general attitude that the lyrics of Death Row records used to have re: the police, that they would only hire off-duty cops for their security. On one hand it's heartening, because it shows that it's possible to believe in the corruption of some of the police dept and still believe in their abilities or that some of them are good. On the other hand it's lol.

11. I have a mental image of Jack teaching Lois, Maggie and Robert how to lindy hop after hours in the atrium, to this song. They all have their shoes off, and they're goofing off in their stocking feet in the atrium. Gwen and Dee are in their offices pretending they don't hear. But they do. Gwen gives in, but Dee puts her head phones in and listens to Barry Manilow. BEANS AND CORNBREAD.
amand_r: (Default)
The first TEN people to comment in this post get to request ~something~ of any pairing/character of their choosing from me. In return, they have to post this in their journal. If you absolutely can't write, you can offer drawings or icons or something instead (meta? picspams? reasons why that character/pairing rocks/doesn't rock?).

They will be fics. They have to fit in the comments to this post, man. You don't have to repost to request. Any of my listed fandoms. Awwww yeah.
amand_r: (Default)
Title: Unworn World
Author: [livejournal.com profile] fishponies ([livejournal.com profile] amand_r and [livejournal.com profile] cruentum
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack/John, OCs
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 10,400
Author's Notes: Were we writing stuff we usually didn't? Was that the point of this? I think so. I think it was writing Hart and writing mpreg. So yeah. Mpreg. Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] paragraphs for the beta.
Summary: Jack thought that John'd been way too accommodating through this whole thing, and so he wasn't in the least surprised when the doctor told them that John was too far along in gestation for a procedure.

Alternate Summary for Foxy: how is babby formed? how girl get pregnant?
amand_r: (the server is robust)
I don't think it's news to anyone that I'm an up and down person. I have mood swings, and until recently I have always gone with the flow. Back in February the anger end of those issues started to hinder relationships, so I tried to locate causes and tracking on a calendar, and lo and behold they were cyclical, like another cycle I have, go fig. Knowing that it was "that time of the month" for my anger issues had helped me to control that. That's fine.

Here's where everything went pear shaped. )

hrng

Apr. 30th, 2010 12:26 pm
amand_r: (tw/wtf jack)
THING THE FIRST THE FIRST THING THE FIRST: Before I do anything, I have a rec: All In Good Time, this week's VS ep by the lovely bleu-bleu and kel, mistress of the night. I like the…individual of the week, and keep an eye out for Agent 888, because he is made of awesome.

I might have committed some fanfic for it. ::shifty eyes::

THING THE SECOND THE SECOND THING THE SECOND, DEAR LIZA, DEAR LIZA: I have something that's bothering me. I lie awake at night and think about it. It digs at me, like a splinter in your naughty bits.

Okay, maybe not that.

The Vidalia Chop Wizard

Let me elucidate. It's not the machine itself that bothers me. I can understand why someone might want one. It chops shit. It measures. I use a cuisinart and I enjoy the zen of hand chopping, but I can see how other might not. It's not the mechanism that bothers me. It's this, at :1, and :33, and then again at :50.

WHO IS THIS MORON CHOPPING THINGS? I get that they're trying to sell me their wares, but do they have to get the most incompetent idiot out there to pretend that their hands are painted on in order to sell it? Really?

I get it. Honestly honey, if that's the way you're going to hold the knife then you shouldn't be trusted with anything sharp anyway, but Jesus. It's a trend, the World's Most Incompetent [whatever]:

Fasta Pasta :1-:10
Pasta Pro :1-:10, 1:16,
Sonic Blade :1-:12, :32-:36, 1:18-1:19 (UNRELATED—1:45=Nannerpuss? and 1:54=WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? A KLINGON WEAPON MADE FROM FRUIT?!!?)

I stopped here, but I have seen it for things outside of the kitchen as well. Makes flappy hands OMG MY HANDS DON'T WORK.

That said, was I the only one during the Sonic Blade commercial doing every callback I knew from the dinner scene in Rocky?

I'm making lasagna today, and I am tempted to film parts of the process as if my hands are in a commercial for Sonic Pasta or something.

edit: Thanks to Sam, who has his fingers everywhere, I have watched this, over which I laughed my ass off (goodbye buns of steel!) and then felt smugly satisfied that I wasn't the only person seeing this. I AM NOT ALONE!

MBABB WC= 33962
amand_r: (tw/jack licks eleven)
1. So last night I'm writing a check to the cemetery to put a summer box of flowers at Tianyu's grave, and they ask for the location, and I don't know what the fuck that is. I'll have to dig it out. But I'm sitting there filling out the rest of the goddamn form, and I find myself crying and apologising to Tianyu, and I don't even know what the fuck for. For the flowers, maybe. That that's all I can give him now, maybe. That I rarely go there. I can't look at it. I don't know what to say to it. It's just kind of there. That stone isn't for me. I would have cremated him and sent his ashes to George Takei to dispose of as he saw fit. Or Christopher Lambert. NO NO. JET LI.

Dear Mister Li:

Enclosed is your future.

Sincerely,

Yul Brynner's Rotting Corpse



2. ENOUGH OF THAT BULLSHIT. DON'T ASK ME TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU, WARREN.

(NSFW)



I missed you, threebrain.

3. apparently Scott Baio just went insane, which I am surprised at, because really, Goats has been making fun of Scott for a while.

You know what I'd like to see? Certain celebs given a twitter and free time to use it and get all wrapped up in it, so that we can see the meltdowns we really deserve. Candidates are: Mel Gibson, Debbie Gibson, Naomi Campbell (we might have to supply additional phones), Kirk Cameron PLEASE GOD KIRK CAMERON. Maybe the youngest kid from Hanson.

4. How a shark gets ready.

5. Lastly, let us all take a moment to appreciate the fine lyrical genius of Salt N Pepa's 1993 masterpiece, "None Of Your Business":

I never put my nose where I'm not supposed to,
Believe me, if he's something that I want, I'm steppin' closer,
I'm not one for playing high-pole
Like the house of ditty 90210 type of ho.
I treat a man like he treats me;
The difference between a hooker and a ho ain't nothin' but a fee.


I feel as if I have been enlightened. I'd also like to mention:

So, yo, so, yo, ho - check it, double deck it on a record butt-naked, but you really have to listen to it: at 2:36

It's also worth it to note that dating the song in the text of the song does not do the song any favours, except that I think that it's charming in a way (1:20). Also, let's give the ladies props for putting a same sex couple in a video back in 1993 (3:14), nicely placed during the line about how no one has the right to judge others. I know it feels like a pittance, but one thing I always admired about SnP was that they were always open minded and fairly liberated in some ways. (Heaven and Hell passes the Bechdel test in a time when most songs were about relationships. The last track on the album is a short skit about HIV from an inner city improv group).

SO, YO, SO YO HO.

Bonus! )
amand_r: (having a kid=scary)
There's no way to describe it to non-parents, but when you're rocking your sick kid at 2 am, and she sits back in your lap to tell you something and promptly vomits all over you and herself, all the "ewwwww" that you get when contemplating the scenario as a childfree person sort of disappears in a zenlike series of actions. It's true isn't it? You just get them to the bathroom as quickly as possible, strip and wash, and reclothe. There isn't any time to stop and think, "Oh god that's disgusting."

Now that it's over, oh god, it smelled like rotten cheese.

Earlier in a day in the life of a kidlet:

Me: Are you wet?
Kidlet: No.
Me: Are you dry?
Kidlet: No.
Me: It seems we have a case of Schrodinger's pull-up.
Kidlet: (gravely) Yes.

Me: (showing her the letter G) What's this?
Kidlet: G.
Me: What starts with G?
Kidlet: …?
Me: Are you a baby?
Kidlet: No.
Me: Are you a little boy?
Kidlet: No.
Me: Right! You are a little…?
Kidlet: (thinks) Camel.
Me: Uhm. Okay.

Okay, so [livejournal.com profile] sivatheminty sent me this vid in an email back in February, with the title, "Ode to Duncan", and if you are a HL fan you'll get why, but omg I laughed so hard, especially when I got to "lol @ dude on fire".

amand_r: (hp/snape suspects bullshit)
1. Some dipshit took my username and like fifteen permutations thereof, so I am available at amanderama on that ask me anything site. I don't know about you, but I always hesitate to do these or anon memes because I'm always afraid that I'm going to get a bunch of anon questions like, "Why are you such a drama queen?" and "Are you this big an asshat in real life?" But I shall have faith in humanity. Like Bon Jovi I am…living on a prayer, slippery when wet, wanted: dead or alive and shit.

I want to lay you down in a bed of roses. For tonight, I sleep on a bed of nails.

2. I have something I need to get off my chest. It's been bothering me for a long time, and I just repress it, squash it down and hide it so that I don't have to deal with it. But it's been eating the inside of me for ages, and I just can't go on any longer--

Why the hell do they put those wire handles on Chinese take away boxes? I get that it's handy, but it prevents me from microwaving the box. It used to be that in the past I was so set on microwaving it that I would wiggle the ends and pull the wire out, but then the carton, which is like form Hellraiser-inspired puzzle box construction, literally needs the wire to hold it together. Look man, I don't want to get another dish dirty, plus, I love eating out of those containers. It's awesome and I'm like Cher in Suspect, walking around my house and eating out of the peanut butter jar (thanks for that idea, Cher). PLUS. It's bed for the environment or something. You can't recycle those wires and they're not biodegradable and I waste water and soap and shit dirtying a second dish.

Seriously, someone has to solve this problem. Solve it before I go insane.

3. Every week I make something to practice a skill that I haven't learnt yet, or make something I've never had before. So help me pick next week's adventur (thanks, Sam!).

[Poll #1538408]
amand_r: (da bing)
FIRST:

1. It is the middle of the night, and you wake from a dead sleep because you have to pee. You shuffle to the bathroom and don't even bother turning on the light because you know the way. While there you realise that you have to use feminine protection. You also notice that you run out of loo roll. You unwrap the loo roll and pull the old roll from the spool, and then sit there, half awake, holding the spool in one hand and the new roll in the other.

The spool is, I repeat, the spool is NOT the feminine protection that you have yet to retrieve. No, I stopped myself before it got that far, but I did wonder why it was so big around whilst I held it.

There's a moral (sp—is that spelled right? Moral? Morel? No that's a mushroom. Moral reminds me of sorrel, which always make me think of High Chapparal. Chapparal? Chaparale? Fuck. I'll quit before I start questioning the spelling of "the" and "chair") here, but I don't know who it is.

2. Watching season one of the Tudors again. Why does everyone give each other brooches? From now on, everyone's getting brooches from me.

Side note: OH HAI THAR, EXTREME HOTTNESS THAT IS JOHN RHYS-MYERS' ABS. HOLY FUCK.

3. In cleaning my house, I am stunned by the sheer amount of junk I have, in the form of bits and baubles and things that I cannot simply throw in a box and label. I have baskets and small boxes of little things that I simply don't know what to do with—things I no longer want and haven't needed in the past three years, not enough to unpack them from the basement boxes in which a great deal of them reside. I find myself pitching large quantities of crap. I want to be as light as possible.

Likewise, wow, half-price books, you are awesome.

Additionally, in going through my shelves and boxes of books in the basement, I am slowly filling a box of books marked, simply, "unread". So this year, I shall endeavor to empty that box. It's filled with contemporary novels, non fiction, and a bunch of classic lit I never got to. Like some Dickens and Orczy and even one or two poets whose volumes I purchased and never finished. I would promise not to buy any more books until I finish these, but that is foolhardy and something to which I can never hold myself. So I shan't lie that way. But it's a goal—read more. Read well. Read smartly.

That said, I read the latest Hamilton Merry Gentry book, Divine Misdemeanours. Hey, it's in my ereader. OMG SPOILERS )

4. OH HAI. RPF/RPS CARNIVALE THIS WEEKEND. RIGHT THE FUCK IN THIS LJ. [livejournal.com profile] cruentum IS SO EXCITED HE'S ABOUT TO VIBRATE THROUGH THE INTERNETS. THEN HE WILL BE THE GHOST IN THE SHELL, AND HE'LL HAUNT YOUR ISP AND WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING YOUR THESIS, HE'LL REPLACE ALL THE IMAGES AND PIE CHARTS IN THE DOCUMENT WITH PICTURES OF JB'S ASS. YOU MIGHT BE AMUSED. YOUR THESIS ADVISOR AT THE ENTOMOLOGY DEPARTMENT PROBABLY WON'T BE. I think I already addressed this above, but whatevs.

Don't let that happen to you. Write for the Torchwood/Doctor Who RPF Carnivale.

5. So we have a little bit of snow in Pittsburgh this past month. So some mutherfuckers decide it's a great time to do some URBAN SKIING. My favorite is probably the Joe Montana bridge at about 4:00 to the end, and if you watch the credits you not only see some awesome FAIL, but you hear them make fun of Yinzertalk, which is always fun. (h/t [livejournal.com profile] emquilxy)

6. I'm in season two of the Sopranos again. How did I miss this gem? TONY: (frustrated and with finality) Cunnilingus and psychiatry have brought us to this.

Yes. Tony. Yes.

7. My TW season 4 file is corrupted or something, and it was my back up copy. I checked the original and it has no changes since last month. It's like Jesus doesn't want me to write TW anymore. Okay, Jesus.
amand_r: (waaaaaaaa)
1. FUCKING SHARK HELL WEEK, DAY THREE: Not really pissed. More like, resigned to futility. LOL. I said it aloud—LOL. YAY!

2. Pondering how some OTC medicines for already embarrassing ailments have even more embarrassing names: Beano, Gas-X, Preparation H (which I guess is not embarrassing unless you know what it is for).

Me: Me, seriously, who likes taking PREPARATION H to the checkout aisle?
Mum: Well, there's always Anusol, that's not embar…oh wait.
Me: THAT WILL NEVER STOP BEING FUNNY.

3. Got a statement for a dental visit from a year ago from my old insurance company this weekend. Read THIS IS NOT A BILL and shrugged. Then today got a bill from my dentist saying "Sorry this is late! We just got the thing from the insurance company! LOL!" for $82. While I am told this might violate HIPPA laws, I'm just going to pay it. Still, just another reminder of the grinding wheels of humanity.

4. I'm still tired.

The rest under a cut: Dexter, writing fanfiction, why continuity errors doesn't bother me, crack, random shoes, disabling comments, when you fall out of love with fandom, and mutual fic masturbation. Oh, and Catherine Parr. And poop. )

That's it. Someone get me a fucking bear claw.

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amand_r

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