amand_r: (hp/snape suspects bullshit)
Title: Ipswich Flipswitch=One Witch, Two Witch
Characters/Pairings: Fred/George/Angelina/Luna (in varying assortments),
Rating: NC-17
Kinks/Themes Included: genderbending, titfucking, pegging, threesome, (plus 2 not-kinks—tribbing and cunnilingus)
Other Warnings/Content: Boobs. Heh, I said boobs.
Word Count: 7,150
Summary/Description: An accident in the lab at Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes takes the experiment out of the backroom and into the bedroom for Fred, George, Luna and Angelina.
Author's Notes: Written for [livejournal.com profile] ragdoll in the Kinky Kristmas fest over at Daily Deviant. Thanks to the mods for the extension, and thanks to my lovely beta, [livejournal.com profile] joanwilder.

Ipswich Flipswitch=One Witch, Two Witch  )
amand_r: (this is why we can't have nice things)
**IN THE FRENCH: "IN SEARCH OF LOST GLUTEN-FREE BAKED GOODS"

Okay, so I'm supposed to be doing Nano, and I SWEAR I WILL MAKE IT UP (aka Famous Last Words, copywrite the universe and MCR) but failing that, I do have evidence what I have been doing the last two days (four days, whatever).

I am virtually incapable of even typing a journal report. For srs. )

That'll do, pig. That'll do.
amand_r: (paperclip/writing)
A while back, I started a project to make me like the world better. It's called, "rec everything". Well, not precisely. I'm going through my flist and reccing my favorite thing from everyone on there. I'm doing it alphabetically.

I tried to hit everyone, but obviously not everyone creates on my flist. Some of the recs are art or vids, too. Some people I tried to look to see if they had fic pages and couldn't find one. If I have missed you, let me know.

So, this week, A and B )

If you like any of the fics or art or vids, leave feedback. People, I love you guys.
amand_r: (Default)
1. My pierogie class for tomorrow was canceled, due to lack of interest. I feel sad inside. Meh. That's okay though, because my mom is taking the kid tonight. Like taking her and she is spending the night!

2. Also I had this dream last night that my butterscotch pudding (which I made and put in the fridge last night) looked like translucent butterscotch pudding, and when I tasted it, it was just orange jello. I kept stirring it and digging to the bottom because I thought maybe the "flavah" had sunk down to the bottom, but alas.

Somehow that led to me, in the dream, going to an academic convention with a bunch of very smart people who had Opinions on Harry Potter, daleks and…something, but when we all sat down to the opening get-together in an auditorium, the speaker at the lectern said, "Hello and welcome" and we all clapped and no one stayed for the rest of it. I guess intellectuals don't have to stay at the opening ceremonies because it's not nerdy enough.

Keep in mind that I NEVER go to the opening thing to begin with, usually because I'm wasted somewhere.

BUT BUT BUT, I don't remember much, aside from some creepy Asian dude who didn't think I deserved to be there, because I wasn't a grad student at MIT (LOOK MAN IT'S A CONFERENCE ABOUT HARRY POTTER AND DALEKS. THE AUDIENCE CHAMBER LOOKS LIKE THE SET OF JEOPARDY, ASSWIPE.). I woke up with this overwhelming idea that I should write a Hermione/Snape in which Sirius comes back from beyond the Veil with a pile of bloody coins, and then there's hurt/comfort and then eventually polyamory.

I'd like to point out that I have never. Ever. Ever written Sirius. EVER. In all my fics, he's dead, even the AUs. But even as I sit here, I think of a load of pennies turned red with blood and I think, "This is a great idea." Then I make funny jokes about the CoinStar machine.

3. I DID A STRANGE, STRANGE THING LAST NIGHT, and I want to share it with you, and maybe someday I will be allowed to.

4. My Chinese New Year shopping list is still unstarted. I have to get off my arse.

5. My kid just ate a cheerio off the floor. I hope that was from this morning. Okay so I find that I treat most things in this world like the emperor in Amadeus at 3:34 of this scene:



6. I started my last haiti fic in my head last night and it is awesome. Also, the VS episode is done and secret project one is close to being done, which just leaves secret project 2 and the bodyswap, on which I made a plotting breakthrough. If all goes well, I should be done with all this by the end of the month.
amand_r: (paperclip/writing)
1. JANUARY RIC ROUND UP: )

2. That is all. tired and busy. Mwah.
amand_r: (jawesome!)
1. SO, Veridian Dair, who did art for my Lee/George HP story, has finally posted it in her IJ, so if you would like to comment on her NSFW ART LEIK WOAH, please please please do so over at her place.

2. OMG I HAVE IN IDEA FOR POST IT NOTES. FUCKING A.

3. OMG UHM.

4. Photo essay: Amand-r and the Mysterious Box! )

5. I know I talk about professionally writing a lot, but I never seem to do it, mostly because I don't even know how to go about doing it, but thanks to a few people I have several alternate ideas, and I'm thinking a few irons in different fires might be something. I have no lack of…well, I dunno, writing isn't difficult for me to do, which might be a sign that I don't work hard enough at it, or that it's just something I do well. I don't know what the answer is there. But anyway, I find I'm excited. I have three projects open in front of me and not one of them has a fanfic header.
amand_r: (multifandom COCK ICON)
1. First and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY [livejournal.com profile] joanwilder, mah mum in RL and awesome Snarry writer (that has little to do with her being my mum, it's just cool.). TONIGHT, RED LOBSTER SHALL PH34R US.

2. Kidlet: (opens a coffee supply magazine) Once upon a time, [unintelligible] and Joan-ma and the snowman [???] and they [???], "Nooooo!"

3. [my thoughts on anything serious and fandom related, FOLLOWED BY LOLTASTIC LOLING. ALSO LOL IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU MAN]

4. Okay, so I bought Crue's ass in the [livejournal.com profile] help_haiti auction (which if I heard right from [livejournal.com profile] bethcarielle, had about 50K in confirmed donations as of last night—FUCKING A, FANDOM) and I gave him like a bushel of prompts (re: 2) so that meant that he ignored them completely and went to older prompts I had given him, because, I like to think, he wanted to surprise me. Because it's all about me, you know.

Anyway, what he came up with is Fishponies, a Scott/John story in which they plan a day out that gets derailed by John's work. Scott is delightfully passive-aggressive in that way that your spouse (or you) is when you're disappointed, but it's not really the other person's fault, but it is, and you don't want to be a bitch, but you do, because dammit, they could just HANG UP THE PHONE. But they can't, you know? That the dogs take the place of the children that Scott wants to have here is another layer, actually, and the way they deal with the dogs as the day wears on is a pretty telling example of how the Barrowman-Gill house would be with children.

Thanks so much, [livejournal.com profile] cyus

5. For the Daily Deviant Kinky Krimmas fest over there on IJ, I wrote a short Harry Potter story called Never Be Too Careful in which Lee Jordan and George Weasley indulge in some product testing after hours and…well there was sounding, etc. After reading it, artist [livejournal.com profile] veridian_dair contacted me about doing some art for it. I was all, "HELLS YEAH" and I just got the final result in the mail yesterday.

Behold: Lee/George, product testing (NSFW). I would especially like to point out my love of the uncircumcised cock.

6. My VS episode with Crue is the most awesome thing ever. It is cleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeverrrrrrrrrrrr. This guarantees that about three people besides us will like it. WOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

7. Please to be reading [livejournal.com profile] lionessvalenti's adorable and awesome short, Hardly Appropriate Work Behavior (but what is these days?), because it has cute Jack/Ianto banter, and Gwen's wedding ring becomes a poignant symbol. I don't want to ruin it.

EDIT: INVISIBUL....SOMETHING Really, that's not invisible bike, but it has to be something. Leave it to John Barrowman to imitate an LOLCAT.
amand_r: (torchwood/ianto will fuck your shit up)




But really people, the auction is fun and all, I I like to think that I might get someone to donate MORE or at all with my stuff, but they need money RIGHT NOW, not just on the 20th. If you have money, the auction is nice, but they need money NOW.

BID ON ME OR IANTO WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP.
amand_r: (HP/oppression!)
Title: D For Defender
Author: Amand-r
Team: Snitch
Genre(s): Alive and Kicking (EWE)
Prompt(s): Green Lantern, Enemy At The Gate
Rating/Warnings/Kinks: NC-17 for sex (contains fisting), R for violence. Some canon deaths ignored. Also? Kinda cracky.
Word Count: 28,000+ some
Summary: There's a man stalking the Wizarding world. Or a bat. Maybe a Man-Bat. Severus is probably having an affair, Harry's tired all the time, oh, and those drunks out in East Anglia are complaining about the green lights. Again.
Author Notes/Disclaimers/Betas Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] jadzialove for being the best sidekick beta evar, cleaning up parts 1-3. [livejournal.com profile] joanwilder, aka Alfred, hit all of it, especially part 4, with a batarang of spag (Thanks beth for a few quick saves!). All italicized bumper quotes from The Tick: The Animated Series.


PART ONE: RUMOURS. THEY SAY HE'S A BAT.
PART TWO: NOTHING TO SEE HERE. MOVE ALONG.
PART THREE: EVIL IS AFOOT AT THE CIRCLE K.
PART FOUR: WAIT, WHEN THE HELL DID WE BECOME THE JUSTICE LEAGUE?
amand_r: (HP/i did your mom)
Title: Never Be Too Careful
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters/Pairings: George/Lee
Rating: NC-billionty
Kinks/Themes Included: Toys, sounding, restraints
Word Count: 2500 +/-
Kristmas Wish Fulfilled for: ozma_katiebell on IJ
Art: Smexy BY [livejournal.com profile] veridian_dair
Summary/Description: He liked to call it 'product testing'. So did Lee. That way they could pretend without pretending. Angelina called it 'making damn sure', but she left them to it.
Author's Notes: Happy Crimmas, person! Thanks to mah seekrit beta, [livejournal.com profile] joanwilder.

Never Be Too Careful )
amand_r: (amandr's angry)
1. Back in November or something, [livejournal.com profile] lionessblack and I wrote Borrowed Time (or, That One Time Ianto and Jack Committed Grand Theft TARDIS) for the [livejournal.com profile] tw_bigbang, and [livejournal.com profile] laurab1 did some kickass fanart for it.

Some things never die, and WHY SHOULD THEY when [livejournal.com profile] laurab1 had just written a little drabble in the same universe, an excerpt, called Foreign Language (or, One Of The Times Jack and Ianto committed Grand Sex TARDIS) . And it is awesome. Go over and tell her how great and sexy it is! GRAND. SEX. TARDIS. BRILL.

2. daily_deviant unveils their kinky kristmas today and one of the stories is by yours truly. I shall repost later. Brace yourselves—it's NOT Torchwood. I know.

3. [livejournal.com profile] wherepiesdie GOES LIVE TODAY. COME ON OVER TO DISCUSS THE PILOT OF TWIN PEAKS, BUT PLEASE READ OUR SPOILER RULES. When I bother to post them.

4. I'm tired. I'm very very tired. I think I have Lupus or something. Maybe I should go see Dr. House for reassurance that it's not.
amand_r: (crimmas/ianto's crushing santajack)
OMG THERE WAS CAEK! Sometime this week, I'm doing a photo dump, where I will have Barrowsparkle kid photos and pics of her new boyfriend, Frosty the Inflatable Snowman, but for now, you all must deal with—

WE TRACED THE IP. THE UPDATE IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE. )

SOMEONE MAKE ME A TORCHWOOD CRIMMAS ICON. I SWEAR I SUCK SO HARD AT IT. ETA: THANK YOU SO MUCH [livejournal.com profile] angstslashhope!

Also, [livejournal.com profile] kel_reiley said it was okay to post, because it was already tomorrow (And it is, especially in Australia.).
amand_r: (the asian persuasion)
I spent yesterday procrastinating and writing and finishing my crimmas cards, which, if I do say so myself, are pretty fucking funny. I'll post them sometime closer to the holiday, because they need to be shared.

But I get ahead of myself! Today! UPDATE! BY! NUMBERS! )

That is all. There aren't the droids you're looking for. There aren't the droids we're looking for. You can go about your business. You can go about your business. Move along. Move along.
amand_r: (tw/john and the poodle)
MANY MANY THINGS BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN REMISS:

NON-FANNISH SHIT )

FANNISH SHIT )
amand_r: (HP/i did your mom)
Okay, here we go. The [livejournal.com profile] hermionebigbang has gone live.

Title: 11th Hour
Author: Amand-r/[livejournal.com profile] amand_r
Artists: [livejournal.com profile] alienor77310 & [livejournal.com profile] redheadsarehot
Pairing/Characters: All canon characters through OotP. Canon pairings
Genre: Drama/Horror
Rating: R for violence
Warnings: Zombies?
Word Count: 49,500+
Betas: Many saw it in pieces: Tianyu, Victoria (steelvictory), Arsenic, Bigtitch. Only one saw it entirely: RaeWhit. Thanks, mum.

Author's Notes: This story was started in 2003, and for the sake of its original plot is NOT HBP or DH compliant (Horcruxes, Side-Along Apparation, bzuh?). Therefore it is a post OotP AU. This is also not 28 Weeks Later compliant. Thank you. I wrote this to massive amounts of techno, particularly e-nomine's "das testament." Lame ass author's notes at the end.

Summary: The infection starts in the Muggle world, but it doesn't stop there.

Firstly, I am not joking when I say that I've been writing this for six years. It's…I have a sentimental attachment to it. That said, it's a fantastic thing, really, with violence and crying and love and beheading and infection, and magic, and Hermione in the center of it all, being the most badass thing that ever badassed, but in a nerd way.

And the thing is, that I want to say, is you needn't have seen 28 Days Later to understand this. It has no characters from the film, just the disease. I will confess that there are a few events that I wrote when I was childless that are difficult to re-read now. So I guess that could be a warning. Or I could be a pussy.

AND ARTWORK! OMG this is my first Big Bang and I was rather steeling myself for not getting any artwork, because I swear every fest I'm in I don't get a fic or something, but TWO PIECES OF ART THAT ILLUSTRATE FROM THE STORY. LOL AND AWESOME. MAKE SURE TO CHECK THEM OUUUUUUUT.

***

And over at the archive, [livejournal.com profile] simonsflower, who passed away this summer, has had her HBB story posted, and it's a crossover with Torchwood.

And because I love the idea:

amand_r: (deadlikeme/delores has doubts)
1. I think I'm allergic to sleep, or have developed a psychotic aversion to it, manifesting in hives. I break out in hives in my feet, wrists and inner or back of the thighs only right before I am due to go to bed. No, sometimes I'm not even changed into my jim-jams, sometimes I'm in the shower, sometimes I'm just sitting at my desk and THINKING about going to bed. I also occasionally get them when I wake up, but most of the time it's the bedtime thing.

2. [livejournal.com profile] topgeargirl2 wrote me a bitching J/I drabble about "Hungry Like the Wolf". Go tell her how much she rocks. After you read it. MINE IS NUMBER ONE, BABY!

3. Talk Like a Pirate Day was one of Tianyu's favorite days. I'm staying inside and off the internets.

4. I OWE MEMES. I OWE THINGS.

I AM WRITING. I IS BUSY. I NEED MORE COFFEE.

5. Today is Hermione Granger's birthday, and in honor of that, the Hermione Big Bang has gone live. I have an offering, so no, no bodyswap today. Sorry, picnics.
amand_r: (FLCL/mamimi's underpants)
1. Non-Torchwood fan Kwanalicious peruses the pairings list at omnijaxual and inadvertently writes fanfic. )

2. That meme thing from yesterday? Much more complicated than I thought. Give me time.

3. I beta read a Harry Potter/Torchwood crossover for the Snarry games, and It'd be nice if you went over to give it a whirl. It has mystery! Sex! A FIREARMS LESSON FROM CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS, RAF. You know, all the good stuff.

Here it is: Sands of Time by [livejournal.com profile] rons_pigwidgeon.

4. My carpet has mystery spots. What are you, mystery spots? You are not cat puke. Hrm. Don't worry, Billy Mays will take care of you.

5. Update that I don't want to get into: Hives are not gone.
amand_r: (Default)
1. FUCK YEAH SHARKS has their own tribute to John Hughes.

2. DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA:

Me: (puts kid in bed)
Her: The bears?
Me: (piles every bear she owns on top of her torso) Yes?
Her: Bears?
Me: (looking at the pile) These are all the bears.
Her: (wailing) The beeeeeeeears!
Me: (O_o)
Her: (gibberish ending in "the bears")
Me: (moves a panda bear two inches closer to her face) Like this?
Her: Okay.

WTF, PEOPLE. I CANNOT WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS. I SAID RED M & Ms ONLY. (TOSSES FRUIT BASKET)

THE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEARS. (Imagine I sang that, Victoria de los Angeles style)

3. So last night I had a fandom playdate with [livejournal.com profile] azarias, who is awesome and lovely and has some of the most awesome ideas about DW and TW, and is friends with someone I know from a different fandom, therefore proving that we are a VERY SMALL COMMUNITY, no matter how far apart we seem. We met in a neutral location, just in case one or the other of us was crazy, and managed to eat a great Thai dinner around screams of, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS RUSTY THINKING?!" and "OH. MY. GOD. JB. NO." Then we went for coffee, which is a lot less complicated than it sounds, since Starbucks was right next door. But we sat outside and she sold me on The Authority again, and we talked about what a horrible ship Alan Moore/Tori Amos would be, and how Mark Millar needs to be bludgeoned a little bit.

Also, she has a Van Helsing fic she's working on THAT SHE SHOULD FINISH (yeah girl, I'm looking at you!). She listened to me blather on, and SHE EVEN LAUGHED AT MY JACK/JOHN SCAT FIC IDEA. BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME. Or because it made her nervous. Hrm.

We also think Kenneth Branaugh would be a great Thor, esp. if he'd more like Ultimates Thor.

4. THAT MEME THING WOT I DID LAST WEEK, CONT. )

5. FUCK YEAH NEIL PATRICK HARRIS is officially my favorite blog of the week.

6. I haven't seen Monsoon Wedding in years, but with the seemingly-constant rain and my daughter continuing to pick my neighbour's marigolds and being them to me (eep! sorry, neighbours!), I find myself thinking of the minor character of Dubey the wedding planner, who is a stressed out, rather socially awkward and yet obnoxious man who is jaded from planning so many weddings and yet never falling love himself. In the film, he falls for one of the servant girls, Alice, on sight. They spend most of the film never really talking, but they kind of make cow eyes at each other (or rather, he makes them at her), and I am stuck by the memory of him watching her from across the yard, and eating marigolds which, IIRC are supposed to settle the trembling heart. Aside from that meaning I know there are others, but that's an image Nair sticks me with, and Jesus, is it beautiful and wistful, and I kind of wish for it in some ways.

When I'm all romantic and not, like, writing scatfic.
amand_r: (batman/check this shit yo)
Okay folks, I'm in the Snarry Games. Yeah, I write Snape/Harry. Bite me. This pimping post is off to a bad start. Okay. Here we go. Everyone and their mum who reads this knows that I've been ripping chunks of my hair out all July trying to write my story for the Snarry Games. Well, I did it and today it has been posted.

The games, if you don't know, divide writers into two teams to compete. Their art and stories are judged by reader as to how well they met their prompts and genres, and the overall, how do we say this, likeability? enjoyability? of the story. It's verra verra neato. I participated last year, and it was a blast.

This fic? It's not serious at all. It's completely funny and it has a plot and intrigue and all that crap. It has one or two things already that I would change, but oh well, it's a pastiche, and it'll still stand despite that. So if you're inclined to read a Harry/Severus that's pretty effing funny, give it a whirl. And if you do read it, please vote over in IJ if you can.

Plus, I open mid fisting. That has to be worth something.

Title: D For Defender
Author: Amand-r
Team: Snitch
Genre(s): Alive and Kicking (EWE)
Prompt(s): Green Lantern, Enemy At The Gate
Rating/Warnings/Kinks: NC-17 for sex (contains fisting), R for violence. Some canon deaths ignored. Also? Kinda cracky.
Word Count: 28,000+ some
Summary: There's a man stalking the Wizarding world. Or a bat. Maybe a Man-Bat. Severus is probably having an affair, Harry's tired all the time, oh, and those drunks out in East Anglia are complaining about the green lights. Again.
Author Notes/Disclaimers/Betas Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] jadzialove for being the best sidekick beta evar, cleaning up parts 1-3. [livejournal.com profile] joanwilder, aka Alfred, hit all of it, especially part 4, with a batarang of spag. All italicized bumper quotes from The Tick: The Animated Series.
amand_r: (HP/thuggz 4 life)
Today is my personal WIP dump as I clean out my "fics to write" folder. Some of these have been languishing for a long while, and alas, I cannot finish them. So here we have three fics that I am abandoning but which have either full scenes or large enough sections to make them interesting. Anyway, I never remember when it's WIP amnesty day, plus I don't feel as if I need your forgiveness anyway, not for this.

1. Harry Potter: Les Liaisons dangereuses (started, March 2008)

Last year for the Snarry games I wanted to write Harry Potter a la Les Liaisons dangereuses, with Harry as Valmont and Snape as Volanges, and of course, Draco as the viscious Mertueil. I had cast everyone in my head. Ginny was going to be the innocent Cecile, etc etc etc, but there were some issues, and there was some concern that it wasn't Snarry enough (eyeroll), and I had been looking forward to rewriting Harry's past, being sorted into Slytherin, and his sexy hateful relationship with Draco. Snape wasn't going to be good by any measure, but he was going to be voluntarily celibate and despising of Harry and Draco's hedonism and amorality. What's the word? Hrm. It was going to end like the Pfeiffer/Malkovich/Close film, though—Harry and Snape dead. Draco disgraced. Possibly Ginny pregnant with Harry's child.

Anyway, I started it, and I never finished, because I was so put off by the feedback I received by mah cohorts. I did Grosse Pointe Blank instead, and that was fun. But if today is fic amnesty, I'll show you what I got, because it would have been a great start.

Potter—you're a git. )

2. Torchwood: Jack and Narnia (started March 2009)

Wait wait wait, come with me here. It's not that he GOES to Narnia. I've already done that. The fact is I love those books like burning, but that's because of things that don't involve you. Methos went to Narnia to be redeemed, and I didn't want to do the same thing. But something about the subtle nature of Aslan being the savior is striking in the way that he is capricious about it, especially with the information that he doesn't give, and that reminds me of the Doctor in some ways. I had written this in four chunks, but it lays the narrative out, and it's more of a small character piece than anything with any real plot. Plus Ianto gets the funny line about the wardrobe.

Is this about that wardrobe down in the vaults? )



3. Highlander: The Batman (started December 2007)

Duncan MacLeod is Batman. Richie is Robin. Joe is Commissioner Gordon. Amanda is the Catwoman. Michelle Webster is her ward, and Methos is Alfred. It started as a lame ass joke over in the shortcuts comm in 2008, and was egged on by the picture on the left. Oh come on. That is Amanda Montrose (Oh and also sex.). I let it gestate into 3000+ words. It's pretty funny, but it's obvs not done. I keep holding out that I'll finish it, but I never will. Enjoy the crack.

Please tell me that you call that the Bat-cup. )

So there they go into my abandoned fics folder. Bye bye! Hand waving.

::sob::

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