amand_r: (guy gardner/thumbs up!)
1. The computer died. I am writing to you from the new one, Toshiko Toshiba, Mistress of the Dark Computer Arts.

a. This means that everything is actually trapped on my old hard drive, including the stories i owe three of you. I have to get ahold of a serial hard drive case, and when I do, I can access the giant vag in the center of the earth files again. I might just have to start those stories over in the meantime.


2. I need german food recipes! I am having the buds over for dinner, and i want to make spaetzle! I cannot get good brats here, sadface. But I was thinking I might try the strip district for some rabbit! Anyone have anything German to recommend?

3. As announced on twitter, I shall be writing a YA novel that is a steampunk vampire rip-off of The Color Purple called, "The Color Vortex" or possibly "The Vortex purple." It might also involve a Danny Glover robot that says "I'm too old for this shit."

Really, most of this stupid shit is on my twitter. If you ever feel the nee to talk to me during the day about lame shit, I'm cerebralcutlass.

4. ALSO--even though I am behind on the stories, I am still sending out the cookies soon! SO! IF YOU WOULD LIKE SOME GINGERNSNAPS OR GARAM MASALA CHOCOLATE GINGERBREAD, AND A LITTLE FICLET, PLEASE SEE HERE: Amand-r's Frabjous Writing Promo. The ficlets are supposed to be 500 words, but as you can see from the first one, I kind of discard that sometimes. BUT 500 WORD MINIMUM!

The first story was for [livejournal.com profile] lilian_cho, and was called Registry, inspired by her starter sentence of, "It's not like there's a Chinese gay kama sutra."

5. Soon I shall watch the second half of Torchwood Miracle Day. And then, even thought I have been discouraged with fandom lately, I shall open the las.

6. Highlander peeps, I have not forgot you! Not having the templates on hand makes life slightly more pissy, but I know how to cut and paste, so I'll steal them soon. Sign ups start tomorrow, I think!
amand_r: (tw/jack licks eleven)
[livejournal.com profile] touchyerwood HAS BEEN UPDATED! SPREAD THE WORD! GO! READ! LINK! REQUEST!

Next, does anyone know hoe to get in touch with waldo? I emailed a few weeks ago. How long should I wait before I just plow ahead? Two weeks? I think we should wait for MD to end in the US, which is next Friday. So, plenty of time. Then I guess I have to make a comm. Will everyone pimp for me?

Also, Highlander people, waiting for word from [livejournal.com profile] tryfanstone re: shortcuts this year. If she wants to do it, she can, but I am more than happy to take it on this year! Or. We could let yuletide have it. SADFACE.
amand_r: (HL/Seekret SantARRRRRGH)
Title: Fractal
Fandom: Star Wars: New Jedi Order Era
Characters: Valin Horn, Anakin Solo, Sannah, Kam Solusar, Zonoma Sekot
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1,878
Author's Notes: written for [livejournal.com profile] djcati in the 2010 Yuletide challenge
Summary: Valin doesn't understand who moves him in a universe that is supposed to stay still.

AND

Title: Attention, Shoppers
Fandom: Highlander
Characters: Methos, Duncan, Amanda, Joe, OCs
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 10,765
Author's Notes: Written for [livejournal.com profile] calime_33 in the [livejournal.com profile] hlh_shortcuts Holiday exchange 2010.
Summary: Rollback in aisle three: gemstones, cheap liquor and pickaxes.
amand_r: (hp/snape suspects bullshit)
Title: Ipswich Flipswitch=One Witch, Two Witch
Characters/Pairings: Fred/George/Angelina/Luna (in varying assortments),
Rating: NC-17
Kinks/Themes Included: genderbending, titfucking, pegging, threesome, (plus 2 not-kinks—tribbing and cunnilingus)
Other Warnings/Content: Boobs. Heh, I said boobs.
Word Count: 7,150
Summary/Description: An accident in the lab at Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes takes the experiment out of the backroom and into the bedroom for Fred, George, Luna and Angelina.
Author's Notes: Written for [livejournal.com profile] ragdoll in the Kinky Kristmas fest over at Daily Deviant. Thanks to the mods for the extension, and thanks to my lovely beta, [livejournal.com profile] joanwilder.

Ipswich Flipswitch=One Witch, Two Witch  )
amand_r: (torchwood/lois)
Title: Daily gRind 2/3
Recipient: [livejournal.com profile] blue_fjords
Author: [livejournal.com profile] amand_r
Rating: PG_13
Characters/Pairings: Lois, Gwen, Dee, Gretchen, Andy, various dudes and dudettes
Summary: Lois Habiba loves her job. Sometimes she has to say that out loud.
Beta: [livejournal.com profile] paragraphs, who more than earned her keep putting up with my typos and whatnot, and [livejournal.com profile] heddychaa, who did a little read through some of it.
Author Notes: Prequel for Torchwood 4.0, which Blue is betaing. I love you, Blue! You don't need to have read that to read this. Also, this is total effing crack, sort of. I stole so much from so many places. Notes at the very end.

Part One

Daily gRind, Part Two )

Part three coming soon.
amand_r: (torchwood/jack ianto hand)
Title: Bring out your dead
Author: [livejournal.com profile] amand_r
Recipient: [livejournal.com profile] _lullabelle_
Book: The Undertaker's Gift, with mentions of Pack Animals
Characters: Ianto/Jack, peripheral Gwenny
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 3,000 approx
A/N: Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] heddychaa and [livejournal.com profile] neifile7 for looking at it with beta eyeballz JESUS!, and to [livejournal.com profile] cruentum for organizing and hosting the exchange taking one for the team and volunteering to have JB's assbabies.
Summary: After Zero's mum picks him up at intergalactic lost and found (a.k.a. the Cardiff Rift), and Jack has his little hair-raising adventure, he can't kiss Ianto without a shock.

Bring out your dead )
amand_r: (COFFEE)
1. [livejournal.com profile] unovis_lj linked to a slideshow of the paintings stolen from the Museum of Modern Art in Paris on Thursday night. That takes balls. Balls made of stupid. LOL.

2. So, fest time. [livejournal.com profile] retconbookwrite is a fest so we can wrote stories that involve Torchwood book canon. It's an exchange, so you can be challenged! And no, you don't have to have read all of the books! HOW AWESOME IS THAT. Remember though, no matter what the stripper tells you no matter what Cruentum tells you, there's no sex in the champagne room he's running this thing, not me. The [livejournal.com profile] retconbookwrite is open for business and accepting signups until June 5th. Posting begins on September 15th. Rules and Questions here. Sign Ups here.


3. POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTLE.

4. A Partial Map of Your TARDIS (Subject to Change) Haaahahah.
amand_r: (tw/tosh isn't taking your bullshit)
1. OH HAI ALL YOU PEOPLES, IT WAS GREAT HAVING YOU ABOOT FOR THE RPF CARNIVALE. WE ALL HAD A CHUPACABRA OF A GOOD TIME AND SOME GREAT SHIT CAME OUT OF IT. Over thirty pieces of RPF and I think John Barrowman was in all but one. WHAT. THE. FUCK. LAWL. The entry has a master list under the cut, if you want to peruse the titles for anything you might have missed.

Likewise, if you want to de-anon, drop me a note so I can change your name from "anon" to..uhm, your name. And if you end up posting the story elsewhere and would like me to link to that instead of your story on the thread, drop me a line at amandr at gmail dot com.

2. Being online all weekend has exhausted me. I'm typing this Saturday night so that I don't have to be online long Monday. I shall predict that in the future (now) we have hover cars and live off of a bagel byproduct.

3. And then, AND THEN--[livejournal.com profile] blue_fjords has asked me some questions. You know how I love me some questions. )

I feel as if I have accomplished much. I cannot ask questions of you people, because I simply have nothing! So in lack of that, I present that poem thing meme, but with something much more comprehensible:

Again the old dream came to me:
'Twas May; the world was vernal;
We sat beneath the linden tree
And pledged a faith eternal.

Great love and a deathless oath we swore.
And that I might ne'er forget it,
With a passionate kiss and a thousand more
You took my hand and bit it.

Oh sweetheart with the lips that cling,
With eyes so clear and merry,
The oath was quite the proper thing
The bite, unnecessary !

--Heinrich Heine, Book of Songs

LAWL. Imma go clean my hovercar.
amand_r: (Default)
Oh hallo. Are you here for something?

Of course you are.

What's your name? You're Candy?

Of course you are.

On behalf of Myself, [livejournal.com profile] cruentum, and degenerates everywhere, welcome to:


Thanks again to [livejournal.com profile] laurab1 for this gorgeous art!


Rules and link to the conversation post. )

Thanks so much. Have fun, pervs.
amand_r: (the asian persuasion)
1. The response to the RPF is lolarious. Part of me is like, "Well, you knew it would be like this," and the rest of me is like, O_o? Not mad or anything, so much as intrigued in a dissecting animals way.

2. Porno or Pony? You decide. I got 5/12, so obviously I need to watch more porn, and also get me some more fishponies. (h/t [livejournal.com profile] kwanalicious)

3. Oh yeah, BTW:



[livejournal.com profile] laurab1 is love.

4. I am immensely proud to announce this: [livejournal.com profile] tw_itallchanges. Check it out, friends it, and then read along. The episodes are OUTSTANDING, and the construction of the entire season is amazing. I have an ep in here, co-written with mah fishpony, [livejournal.com profile] cruentum. Don't worry, we don't use any non-famous significant others. :P I think there might be puke, though.

5. [livejournal.com profile] lefaym asked me 5 questions. They are all about Tor--no wait, they are not. )

I suppose if you're dying to have me ask you questions, you can respond to this meme with a quote like, "NOT IN THE FACE! THE GOGGLES! THEY DO NOTHING!" AND I'LL ASK YOU 5. But I might have company, so I email fu will be weak, like Dumbledore after he drank all that manky water in HBP. Then he fell off that tower (SNAPE DID NOT KILL HIM! HAN SHOT FIRST!), and then everyone did that 21 wand salute into the sky or something. I forget. For me the pain is not very near, or some shit. Wow, four pop culture refs I one paragraph. I must be slipping.

Come on, if I referenced "Play Misty For Me", would any of you get it?

6. On my recommendation, [livejournal.com profile] cruentum watched Logan's Run. Something about this makes me lol. I also lol that he didn't email me afterwards and demand those two hours of his life back. Owaite, lemme get my TARDIS and we'll refund that to store credit. Haahahahahaha IF YOU SEE ANYTHING CALLED CAROUSEL, RUN, CRUE! YOUR HAND CLOCK IS FLASHING!
amand_r: (jawesome!)
1. RIP Captain Phil We'll all miss you. :(

2. OMG THE END OF SEASON THREE OF DEXTER WAS WORTH ALL THE CRAP. So uh, if a girl wanted to get ahold of Season 4, who might she have to blow to do that? OH MY GOD LUNDY!

3. The RPS poll is closed, and the end results are:

RPF COMMENT FIC CARNIVALE—March 6-7, 2010
Anon and de-anon stories welcome.
Prompts: trailer time, wrap party, a song and a dance

4. I might have done a bad bad thing last night, and plotted a fanfic. It involves a dead faerie prince, a mourning mother, a diplomatic liaison to the sidhe, a never ending snowfall, Torchwood climbing Snowden, and Suzie with some enchanted apples. And some funny funny references to Jack and Tam Lin. And it's not a party unless you quote Shakespeare at least twice. You know. Hah.

I just had to get that put there. Not doing the darkfest, not doing reel tw. DOING THIS. (AND JESUS PLEASE, DON'T OFFER ME ANY INFORMATION ABOUT: FAERIES, ELVES, TAM LIN, OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE WRITTEN ANY OF IT--I HATED GAIMAN'S VERSIONS, BTW--WELSH MYTHOLOGY, THE COMPLEXITIES OF ANY OF IT, ETC ETC ETC. This is precisely what I mean when I say that I DON'T CARE. It's like writing a vampire story and then having a "vampire expert" come in and tell you you're doin' it wrong, and it's really really frustrating and styming. If I need/want help, I will ask. Thanks guys.)

5. [livejournal.com profile] askance, man, it's like 8k and it's…half done? Blue saw the first part. :D

6. It looks as if Chinese New Year is being cancelled at Chinghaus for the first time since we started it, which blows mightily. We'll have to move to a restaurant and have them feed us. Suck factor: high. Upside: I won't have to clear my table. On the other hand, the window of possibility that [livejournal.com profile] arsenicjade will make it here from Illinois is looking slimmer and slimmer. :(

7. FIC SOON. AWWWW SHIT.
amand_r: (tw/janet likes you)
i am not signing up for reel_tw again
i am not signing up for reel_tw again
i am not signing up for reel_tw again

BUT BUT BUT:

REAR WINDOW.

REAR. WINDOW.

I am thinking that Ianto would be the obvious choice for Jimmy Stewart's character, but because I like to be contrary, I'd find a way to make it Jack. OR Tosh. Can't you see Tosh flipping her shit over her neighbours while she's laid up?

I can.

OMG. NO.

EDIT: OR OWEN. HOLY SHIT OWEN.
amand_r: (spartans dine)
1. This actually works for me in many ways: The Birdcage recut so that it looks like a trailer for a drama:




2. LAND by [livejournal.com profile] cthonus: read it. I can't stress how much I love this man's fic, but look:

"Does he?" Ianto asked unable to keep the bitterness from seeping into his tone. "You know what fucking stupid me did earlier? No?" He swallowed. "I told him I loved him." His shame burned on his cheeks. "I lay in his arms and told him I loved him."

Toshiko's hand went instinctively to cover her mouth. "What did he say?"

"Nothing." He spat. "Not a single bloody word."


OMG AND OWEN AND JACK AND DRAGOSTEA DIN TEA. I AM JUST SAYING.

[livejournal.com profile] cthonus, PIMP YOUR FIC! YOU DESERVE A BILLIONTY COMMENTS, NOT THREE OR FOUR OR EIGHT.

3. [livejournal.com profile] help_haiti fics underway. The big one is…well. Hrm. Planning. Post its are posty. Sort of. TOSH FIC IS TOSHY.

4. Chinese New Year menu is missing…three courses. Well, a pork and a soup. Fuckbears. Noodles might be a repeat, but my Bible says that they went quickly last year. But the pork dish has been the same for the past three years, so I think I might try something different. On the other hand, the duck is complicated enough that I maybe shouldn't be trying something complicated. Hrm. And fish.

THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS TO PONDER IN THE MURKY WATERS. ALSO, [livejournal.com profile] sthayashi, Prepare to come early, because you are going to help me prep and make summer rolls. I will teach you, weedhopper.

5. Remember that the poll for the RPF (Carnivale!) is still open, so if you are interested and haven't voted yet, please go see here. The mods have yet to get back to us, so we might not be able to promote it. In which case, WE SHALL RELY ON YOU, LIKE PBS.

6. Stumbled on another picture of Russell Tovey. Good god, you could fly to Guam with those ears. Still. Cute.
amand_r: (HP/oppression!)
Title: D For Defender
Author: Amand-r
Team: Snitch
Genre(s): Alive and Kicking (EWE)
Prompt(s): Green Lantern, Enemy At The Gate
Rating/Warnings/Kinks: NC-17 for sex (contains fisting), R for violence. Some canon deaths ignored. Also? Kinda cracky.
Word Count: 28,000+ some
Summary: There's a man stalking the Wizarding world. Or a bat. Maybe a Man-Bat. Severus is probably having an affair, Harry's tired all the time, oh, and those drunks out in East Anglia are complaining about the green lights. Again.
Author Notes/Disclaimers/Betas Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] jadzialove for being the best sidekick beta evar, cleaning up parts 1-3. [livejournal.com profile] joanwilder, aka Alfred, hit all of it, especially part 4, with a batarang of spag (Thanks beth for a few quick saves!). All italicized bumper quotes from The Tick: The Animated Series.


PART ONE: RUMOURS. THEY SAY HE'S A BAT.
PART TWO: NOTHING TO SEE HERE. MOVE ALONG.
PART THREE: EVIL IS AFOOT AT THE CIRCLE K.
PART FOUR: WAIT, WHEN THE HELL DID WE BECOME THE JUSTICE LEAGUE?
amand_r: (amandr's angry)
1. Back in November or something, [livejournal.com profile] lionessblack and I wrote Borrowed Time (or, That One Time Ianto and Jack Committed Grand Theft TARDIS) for the [livejournal.com profile] tw_bigbang, and [livejournal.com profile] laurab1 did some kickass fanart for it.

Some things never die, and WHY SHOULD THEY when [livejournal.com profile] laurab1 had just written a little drabble in the same universe, an excerpt, called Foreign Language (or, One Of The Times Jack and Ianto committed Grand Sex TARDIS) . And it is awesome. Go over and tell her how great and sexy it is! GRAND. SEX. TARDIS. BRILL.

2. daily_deviant unveils their kinky kristmas today and one of the stories is by yours truly. I shall repost later. Brace yourselves—it's NOT Torchwood. I know.

3. [livejournal.com profile] wherepiesdie GOES LIVE TODAY. COME ON OVER TO DISCUSS THE PILOT OF TWIN PEAKS, BUT PLEASE READ OUR SPOILER RULES. When I bother to post them.

4. I'm tired. I'm very very tired. I think I have Lupus or something. Maybe I should go see Dr. House for reassurance that it's not.
amand_r: (crimmas/jack's crimmas tardis)
Posting with the official [livejournal.com profile] twsecretsanta header, as created by [livejournal.com profile] miss_winterhill

FESTIVE TITLE BITCHES YO: hotaru no hikari (the light of fireflies)
RECIPIENT WHO HAD BETTER BE GRATEFUL BECAUSE I SPENT TIME THAT I COULD HAVE BEEN DRINKING WRITING THIS SHIT: [livejournal.com profile] xtricks (are NOT for kids!) 
SUMMARY: (NOUN) A COMPREHENSIVE AND USUALLY BRIEF ABSTRACT, RECAPITULATION, OR COMPENDIUM OF PREVIOUSLY STATED FACTS OR STATEMENTS
BETA: POSSIBLY NOT FOXY. I WAS DRUNK. IT WAS DARK. (it was [livejournal.com profile] paragraphs)
RATING: NAUGHTY (BY NATURE)
WARNING: IMMA REALLY CRAP WRITER AND YOU'RE ALL MUCH BETTER THAN ME
SPOILERS: JESUS PEOPLE IT'S JUST ABOUT THE TORCHWOOD TEAM DRINKING EGGNOG (it's totally not, yo)
DISCLAIMER: THEY'RE NOT MINE. EXCEPT WHEN THEY ARE. IN MAH PANTS.

He begins it to make her happy, something she wants (and maybe he wants it too), a burst of glitter to infuse the Hub, to dazzle her perspective, to cheer her in the manner one might hang a prism in a sunny room. )
amand_r: (crimmas/jack wearing santa)
There was some hesitancy and debate about whether or not non participants were allowed to review the fic over there. OMG PLEASE DO SO. We won't be replying until after we've de-anoned, so don't get upset if we seem rude.

Anyway, here's a list of all the fic so far. I put the characters in the fics, and left out all the pairings. Deal.

ANON wrote The War at Home for [livejournal.com profile] amand_r (Jack. Gwen, Ianto, Rhys)
ANON wrote All The Best Stories Start With A Death for [livejournal.com profile] cruentum (Ianto, Jack)
ANON wrote Doctor's Orders for [livejournal.com profile] used_songs (Owen, Ianto, Tosh, Jack)
ANON wrote The Better Things for [livejournal.com profile] nancybrown (Ianto, Lois Habiba)
ANON wrote In This Time for [livejournal.com profile] electro_club (Andy, Ianto)
ANON wrote Great Balls Afire for [livejournal.com profile] blue_fjords (Jack, Rhys, Gwen, Ianto, Andy)
ANON wrote Nine Tenths of the Law for [livejournal.com profile] phaetonschariot (Jack, Ianto)
ANON wrote Cast no shadow for [livejournal.com profile] kel_reiley (Rhiannon, Jack)
ANON wrote We All Have to Start Somewhere for [livejournal.com profile] solsticezero (Gwen, Ianto)
ANON wrote hotaru no hikari (the light of fireflies) for [livejournal.com profile] xtricks (Tosh, Jack, early team)
ANON wrote Hearts (hand-made): 1.50 quid a piece for [livejournal.com profile] lionessvalenti (Ianto, Lisa, Jack, team)
ANON wrote Mind Your Language for [livejournal.com profile] lawsontl (Jack, Ianto, Gwen)

MWAH. GO READ AND REVIEW. NOT ONE OF THESE FICS IS BAD.
amand_r: (crimmas/ianto's crushing santajack)
1. OMG so for the 12 Days of Cliché, which I am not participating in though I should because of, well because, anyway, [livejournal.com profile] angstslashhope has created some Torchwood Pulp Novel Covers and I don't know which one is my fav. Possibly the one with the love triangle.

2. HAAHAHAHAHHAHHA. MY DECEMBER IS LIKE PERFORMANCE ART. I wish I hadn’t entries that broke it up, but there we go. I feel…like a young Mexican Chihuahua. Thanks, Gordon Cole.

3. SPEAKING OF GORDON COLE, THE GREAT TWIN PEAKS REWATCH DISCUSSION STARTS JANUARY 7TH. CHECK OUT [livejournal.com profile] wherepiesdie FOR FURTHER INFORMATION, COOP. WE WELCOME NEWBIES, TOO.

4. THE GUESSING POST AT [livejournal.com profile] twsecretsanta has links to all the fics posted so far.

5. [livejournal.com profile] laurab1 wrote me and Crue a little RPS for the holidays, involving Zaza trimming that red dress with white. Sort of. Dirty girl. Of course the dogs are there. Oh poor Scott. Santa Baby.

6. Kidlet has been given a Spiderman punching bag. I think she's out there trying to serve it tea. Or hump it. It's unclear.

7. I HAVE INVENTED A NEW WORD:

CONFLISTED: (adj) state of being when one asks one's friends list or twitter feed a question and receives many opposite suggestions or opinions on the matter.
amand_r: (jaws/imma eat y'all)
1. You always wanted to know the weather, Star Wars style. Unfortunately, most cities I entered are much like Hoth right now. Enter a city it doesn't know. LOL.

2. Thanks, [livejournal.com profile] valancy_joy for the awesome package! No spoilers for those yet to arrive at others', but it was adorable!

3. There was some debate last night on Twitter about who would win: Jaws or a velociraptor, and I felt that 140 characters is not enough space for me to explain the reason Jaws would KICK THE VELOCIRAPTOR'S ARSE: )

4. If you haven't added a drink recipe to the list, please do so! Drunkards here!

5. She's…a spinner. )

6. Links to all the anon fic from the Santa Meme. )

If I'm missing any, let me know.

REEL TW due today. Yeah. Uhm.

ETA: A VELOCIRAPTOR RIDING JAWS. THAT IS EFFING RIGHT.

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