amand_r: (doctor who/HARRIET JONES)
1. Guess what you can't wipe up with a Clorox wet nap? Baking Soda. Nope, if spills on the floor and you go to wipe it up, but you just end up pushing it around on the lino. Then when you give up and try to scoop as much of it as you can see, you realize you have just thinned it to an invisible coating of baking soda. And then for days when you step in that area in your socks, you get a squidgy feeling as you slide around in it. Then you realize that you put this in your body: A POWDER THAT CANNOT BE DISSOLVED AND PICKED UP BY THE LIQUID IN A CHLOROX WIPE. (Spider has since informed me that I can clean it with vinegar. Thanks, babe.)

2. Squeezing lemons when your hands are chapped to the point of cracking is not the smartest idea in the universe, lightbulb. However, if you put your fingers in baggies and put a rubber band at the base of each finger, you get to race the clock to see if the pain from cracked skin or the pain from listing feeling in the fingers will make you stop first.


3. Me: Viv, are you done pooping?
Her: No. I got to chillax.
Me: What?
Her: Just chillax, mama.

4. I drove behind a Bronco II that had this on a paper taped to the back windshield: I WILLNOT SPEED JUST TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. I SLOW DOWN FOR TAILGATERS.

5. I have many thoughts on Rhianna's S&M. Some of them are not good. Most of them are nonchalant, which as we all know, is the opposite of chalant. Not to be confused with chalet, or Swiss Chalet, which makes me think of Swiss steak, which makes me want steak. Or those onions that come on top of steak sometimes. When you make a bowl of sautéed onions and mushrooms to put on steak and meats, that's called the kitty. I eat the kitty on fried sweetbreads. Now I want to watch Josie and the Pussycats. Dujour means swiss steak!

amand_r: (tw/ianto hello!)
So, the Big Bang. Yeah. Here we are.

You should probably read me. )

This is the master post, and so is the nexus for all soundtracks, credits, references and deleted scenes for every episode. So:

[General Character OST] [Episodes 1-4 OST] [Episodes 5-6 OST]

4.00: Daily gRind (aired 11.10.10)
4.00: Frustrate their knavish tricks (aired 11.10.10)
4.01: The Inquisition (aired: 8.15.10 and 09.15.10) [Art]
4:02: Safe as Houses (aired: 09.29.10 ) [extended scene]
4.03: Sure Bet (aired: 10.13.10) [extended scene] [undercover cigarette girl art] [fandoodle by heddychaa]
4.04: …in shining (aired: 10.27.10)
4.05: The Golden Hour (aired: 11.24.10 ) [extended scene] [deleted scene]
4.06: The Salt Pillar (aired: 12.16.10)
4.07: 15 Minutes (aired: 03.04.11 soon!)
4.08: WHOdunit (airing:)
4.09: Ataraxia (airing: )
4.10: The Bitter Glass (airing: )
4.11: Lather, Rinse, Et Cetera (airing: )
4.12: Volume Control (airing: )
4.13: TBA (airing:)
4.14: TBA (airing: )

Deleted Scenes and Ephemera

amand_r: (YOUR MOM)

Yes, this sums up my whole D*C experience nicely. )

That was my big fat D*C exp. Seriously, few panels, lots of booze, tonnes of food, great people, EXCELLENT CONVERSATIONS, and a renewed sense of writing. I WILL WRITE THAT FPREG. IT WILL BE AWESOME.


Oh, and Jack and Ianto's post-it D*C adventure )

BUT FOR NOW, my dad is out of surgery, and I'm waiting to hear how he is, and I have plans to make biscotti with cabernet cocoa powder, and possibly some cupcakes.

I dreamt about biscotti last night.

I made a list of shit to do divided by pages: on page per category, house, work, online, general, errands, etc. IT'S NINE PAGES LONG.

See ya'll on the flip side.

EDIT: I bought their Netherworld Blend and the Reanimator Blend. The latter is great. Haven't tasted the firmer. Go there and browse the teas and coffees.
amand_r: (torchwood/jack ianto hand)
Title: The argument
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters Jack/Ianto (cameo by Janet)
Rating: PG
Medium: watercolours
Artist's ability: Poor
Poem: "who's most afraid of death?thou" by e.e. cummings
A/N: I like painting, okay? It's something the kid and I do together. At the table. And there's a poem, but not so much with the porn

Stay tuned afterwards for bonus panels. )
amand_r: (da bing)
For [ profile] bk7brokemybrain, a miniscule synopsis of Prison Break. )

I started to do one in my head for NCIS but it's all a jumble of CAF-POW, "Another dead marine!" and "GIBBS IS HUGGING ABBEY." and something about ZIVA being the terminator, and Tony and someone else having sex.

I obviously know too much Oh and there's a duck who does autopsies, but I don't know how that flies in a military institution.
amand_r: (YOUR MOM)
So I did this a while back for Panic! at the Disco, and I figured that in light of the fact that all of my friends online watch SPN, I'd let them know just what I have learnt from their conversations. This is this outsider's understanding of SPN, in post it form. )

So there you have it. Haahahahaaahaha. I KNOW IT'S AN IMPALA. I was gonna draw a deer. LAWL.
amand_r: (torchwood/ianto will fuck your shit up)
Sometimes you just find stupid-shaped post its at the sto. )
amand_r: (the asian persuasion)
1. The response to the RPF is lolarious. Part of me is like, "Well, you knew it would be like this," and the rest of me is like, O_o? Not mad or anything, so much as intrigued in a dissecting animals way.

2. Porno or Pony? You decide. I got 5/12, so obviously I need to watch more porn, and also get me some more fishponies. (h/t [ profile] kwanalicious)

3. Oh yeah, BTW:

[ profile] laurab1 is love.

4. I am immensely proud to announce this: [ profile] tw_itallchanges. Check it out, friends it, and then read along. The episodes are OUTSTANDING, and the construction of the entire season is amazing. I have an ep in here, co-written with mah fishpony, [ profile] cruentum. Don't worry, we don't use any non-famous significant others. :P I think there might be puke, though.

5. [ profile] lefaym asked me 5 questions. They are all about Tor--no wait, they are not. )

I suppose if you're dying to have me ask you questions, you can respond to this meme with a quote like, "NOT IN THE FACE! THE GOGGLES! THEY DO NOTHING!" AND I'LL ASK YOU 5. But I might have company, so I email fu will be weak, like Dumbledore after he drank all that manky water in HBP. Then he fell off that tower (SNAPE DID NOT KILL HIM! HAN SHOT FIRST!), and then everyone did that 21 wand salute into the sky or something. I forget. For me the pain is not very near, or some shit. Wow, four pop culture refs I one paragraph. I must be slipping.

Come on, if I referenced "Play Misty For Me", would any of you get it?

6. On my recommendation, [ profile] cruentum watched Logan's Run. Something about this makes me lol. I also lol that he didn't email me afterwards and demand those two hours of his life back. Owaite, lemme get my TARDIS and we'll refund that to store credit. Haahahahahaha IF YOU SEE ANYTHING CALLED CAROUSEL, RUN, CRUE! YOUR HAND CLOCK IS FLASHING!
amand_r: (torchwood/ianto is crushing)
In the [ profile] help_haiti auction, [ profile] huesiemama bought my questionable post it note skills for a sizeable summage, and I promised her nine panels, or post its. She got 25, because I had a STORY to tell, man. And she is allowing me to share it with you!

Don't get excited. It's like all the others. BUT it spans an ocean! And several decades of prime-time television!

Jack & Ianto & Endle$$ Po$$ibilities!. )

There you go lady. Hope it was worth it, man.
amand_r: (amandr's angry)




5. HERE. I sent Blue a card from Ianto to Jack. )

6. BYE.
amand_r: (multifandom COCK ICON)
1. First and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY [ profile] joanwilder, mah mum in RL and awesome Snarry writer (that has little to do with her being my mum, it's just cool.). TONIGHT, RED LOBSTER SHALL PH34R US.

2. Kidlet: (opens a coffee supply magazine) Once upon a time, [unintelligible] and Joan-ma and the snowman [???] and they [???], "Nooooo!"

3. [my thoughts on anything serious and fandom related, FOLLOWED BY LOLTASTIC LOLING. ALSO LOL IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU MAN]

4. Okay, so I bought Crue's ass in the [ profile] help_haiti auction (which if I heard right from [ profile] bethcarielle, had about 50K in confirmed donations as of last night—FUCKING A, FANDOM) and I gave him like a bushel of prompts (re: 2) so that meant that he ignored them completely and went to older prompts I had given him, because, I like to think, he wanted to surprise me. Because it's all about me, you know.

Anyway, what he came up with is Fishponies, a Scott/John story in which they plan a day out that gets derailed by John's work. Scott is delightfully passive-aggressive in that way that your spouse (or you) is when you're disappointed, but it's not really the other person's fault, but it is, and you don't want to be a bitch, but you do, because dammit, they could just HANG UP THE PHONE. But they can't, you know? That the dogs take the place of the children that Scott wants to have here is another layer, actually, and the way they deal with the dogs as the day wears on is a pretty telling example of how the Barrowman-Gill house would be with children.

Thanks so much, [ profile] cyus

5. For the Daily Deviant Kinky Krimmas fest over there on IJ, I wrote a short Harry Potter story called Never Be Too Careful in which Lee Jordan and George Weasley indulge in some product testing after hours and…well there was sounding, etc. After reading it, artist [ profile] veridian_dair contacted me about doing some art for it. I was all, "HELLS YEAH" and I just got the final result in the mail yesterday.

Behold: Lee/George, product testing (NSFW). I would especially like to point out my love of the uncircumcised cock.

6. My VS episode with Crue is the most awesome thing ever. It is cleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeverrrrrrrrrrrr. This guarantees that about three people besides us will like it. WOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

7. Please to be reading [ profile] lionessvalenti's adorable and awesome short, Hardly Appropriate Work Behavior (but what is these days?), because it has cute Jack/Ianto banter, and Gwen's wedding ring becomes a poignant symbol. I don't want to ruin it.

EDIT: INVISIBUL....SOMETHING Really, that's not invisible bike, but it has to be something. Leave it to John Barrowman to imitate an LOLCAT.
amand_r: (COFFEE)
1. I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about this.

2. [ profile] bluejeanius has created fanart for the great JB VS NPH BIG GAY BATTLE on afterelton. And it's headlining their Wrap-up post! LOL!


4. Thanks to whomever nommed Gold dust for a CoT award. THREESOME CATEGORY. AWWWW SHEEEIT.

5. I want to do that "What do you think if these fandom tropes?" Meme, but I'm fairly sure that you all know what I think of that shit, and even if you didn't, you wouldn't care.


7. And while we're on the subject, Santa Jaws is coming to town.

8. Took the snickerdoodle to the National Aviary on New Year's Eve…Day. I bet you didn't know that Pittsburgh is the home of the



2. [ profile] husiemama sent me the most awesome Torchwood card, and she was kind enough to scan the image for us all. This way for the crimmas spirit! )

3. Thanks, [ profile] darthhellokitty and [ profile] qthelights for the spanking cards!

amand_r: (crimmas/ianto's crushing santajack)
1. My Santa idea is fucking BRILLIANT.

2. Anyway, I want to talk about what a douche I am in the matter of talking about fic ideas. )

That said, anyone is free to talk to me about their fic any damn time they want. Any damn time.

3. TOO. MANY. DEADLINES. But still. Good, yeah? A THOUSAND YEARS.

4. That said, the Jaws/Torchwood needs a beta. I will be sending it in chunks (sets of completed chronological scenes) as I finish them. Spag and plot holes. Halp?

5. I want to sell short stories. How do I do this? LOL I kid. No I don’t. For srs, I would research before I asked you dudes. You are busy, and my fingers aren't painted on.

6. I should buy my kid crimmas presents. But I don't know what to get her. Everyone already bought her all the cool stuff.

7. I made cards this year, and you may have already gotten/will be getting one. I made 6 designs total: 5 Torchwood and one custom job. So here they all are, so you can see what everyone else got. )

There we go.
For a long while I have been depressed about fandom. I read things on my flist and then get mad or sad, or even worse, intimidated. In fact, last night I had convinced myself that the only way to keep myself from being depressed and upset all the time was to just up and leave fandom.

This isn't a new struggle for me. I take what everyone says with a great deal of more weight than it is probably intended. I can remember comments to things that I write for ages. I think once Jotribe said that I over-explained in One Thousand, and to this day I think of that when I write, because I don't want to make the same mistake (though I am willing to bet that I have.).

Anyway, I let the Brit pickers get to me. )

And there's more. I let fandom's bitchery in general get to me. )

I don't know where this post is going to take me. But I do know where I want to start:

With a few post its chronicling my depression. Can we call it fanpression? I know how Fandom loves those portmanteaus. )

And then a few random ones that have no context, really. )

And then finally, ones I made for omnijaxual while I was in Ohio. )

And I have a few people to thank, actually. I want to thank [ profile] cruentum, [ profile] neifile7, [ profile] paragraphs and [ profile] blue_fjords, because they have spent the past few days, whether they know it or not, helping me come to this conclusion, whether it was because they were there to talk to, or cheerful, or sending me private messages and emails about options and things that I could do to make fandom easier without leaving it entirely.

I want to thank [ profile] arsenicjade, because she's been down this road, and while I don't know of she solved her problem, thinking about her situation helped me put mine in perspective.

So thanks guys. I owe you steak. I'll even cover Crue's in lube for him.
amand_r: (torchwood/tack+tardisOTP)

On my way to the circus this summer, [ profile] lionessvalenti, whom I have since met and proclaimed a) a real person and b) a lovely person and also c) a perved person, lamented that she couldn't/wouldn't/shouldn't write for the newly announced [ profile] tw_bigbang, though the reason why alludes me. I said that if she came up with an idea, I'd help.

This is that idea. Sort of. IIRC initial ideas were simply "YEAH YEAH JACK/IANTO/TARDIS, BABY," and then we might have decided that we needed a plot. Or at least a way to get them on the TARDIS, which already had an owner. I think at one point in time, we had toyed with the TARDIS being like Lassie and getting Jack (and by extension, Ianto) aboard so that they could rescue the Doctor from an alien race or something, but that got to be tedious, and so I believe that [ profile] kel_reiley, [ profile] lawsontl and [ profile] beesandbrews were all there to witness the moment when one of us turned to the other and:

Thing One: Do we even need a plot?
Thing Two: I guess not.
Thing One: We could write nothing but porn.
Thing Two: Could we…do 15 thousand words of porn?
Thing One: We could try.
Thing Two: I'm game if you are.
Thing One: They are SO GONNA GET LAID.
Thing Two: I need more Pimm's.

So there you go. Twenty-four thousand words. I guarantee that fifteen thousand of those words is porn. I know because I just checked. You can tell us apart in the fic, but that doesn't matter, because baby got LAID. Plus, it's funny, and a little romantic. All the parts you like? [ profile] lionessvalenti wrote them, most likely. I sat back and watched for a lot of this fic, and she's a genius. And perved. PERVED. I LOVE HER. GO READ IT AND SHOWER HER WITH PRAISE.

ALSO, NOT TO BE DISCOUNTED, OUR FELLOW TARDIS SEX MUPPET, [ profile] laurab1, hopped on board and created art! Because she is awesome and understands the magic that is TARDIS loving. So go look at her art and tell her how awesome she is!

Title: Borrowed Time (or, That One Time Ianto and Jack Committed Grand Theft TARDIS)
Authors: [ profile] lionessvalenti and [ profile] amand_r
Beta(s): [ profile] basingstoke and [ profile] 51stcenturyfox in varying degrees. Thanks, ladies!
Artist: [ profile] laurab1! Wooooo!
Character/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Jack/Ianto/TARDIS
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 24,090
Disclaimer: We think that if we owned these guys, we'd already be on TW S6. AND IT WOULD BE ON THE DIRTY CHANNEL. They might fight aliens. You know, if they felt like it. Whatevs. But alas, they belong to the BBC.
Authors' Note: The working title for this was simply, "Operation: Get The TARDIS Laid." That's what we did. A lot.
Summary: The TARDIS shows up on the Plass. It couldn't hurt to look inside, right? Just for a second?

Link to Fic: [ONE] [TWO] [THREE]

Link to [ profile] laurab1's FANTASTIC Art(s!): RIGHT HERE.
amand_r: (tw/jack is like wearing prada)
Title: Reclamation
Author: [ profile] amand_r, cast of thousands.
Characters: everyone

Warnings: This fic contains a trigger (for rape), BUT IT CAN BE BYPASSED by choosing the labelled link at the correct time in the story. IF YOU ARE DISINCLINED TO READ THAT SEGMENT, the non-trigger option is clearly labelled at the appropriate time. It will not affect your understanding of the fic.

Author's Notes: This is a physical fic. I hesitate to call it art (or ficart). The text has been written by me, but all handwriting was painstakingly collected from: [ profile] kel_reiley, [ profile] used_songs, [ profile] valancy_joy, [ profile] bethcarielle, [ profile] 51stcenturyfox, [ profile] neifile7, [ profile] sanginmychains, [ profile] joanwilder, [ profile] copperbadge, [ profile] pogrebin and [ profile] cruentum.
The webpage layout, logo and programming of the frame that you see all the pieces through was designed and put together by [ profile] angstslashhope, who when she heard of the project was appalled that I was going to slap them up there with o background or anything. she even made a flavicon! How gorgeous is that?! UNIT logo lifted from [ profile] the_dosk, Torchwood logos lifted from the interwebs in general. Cast list at the end. Have fun trying to guess who was who!

Summary: Item: Metal fire-proof box and contents. Catalogue #: 011J36FK-YRT-00l3. Location of retrieval: Roald Dahl Plass, Cardiff (Torchwood Three headquarters). Object was found in debris following explosion at the Torchwood Three Hub; outside of the box is scarred, dented' one box corner depressed; burn marking evident; contents unharmed. Priority: low.
amand_r: (HP/i did your mom)
Okay, here we go. The [ profile] hermionebigbang has gone live.

Title: 11th Hour
Author: Amand-r/[ profile] amand_r
Artists: [ profile] alienor77310 & [ profile] redheadsarehot
Pairing/Characters: All canon characters through OotP. Canon pairings
Genre: Drama/Horror
Rating: R for violence
Warnings: Zombies?
Word Count: 49,500+
Betas: Many saw it in pieces: Tianyu, Victoria (steelvictory), Arsenic, Bigtitch. Only one saw it entirely: RaeWhit. Thanks, mum.

Author's Notes: This story was started in 2003, and for the sake of its original plot is NOT HBP or DH compliant (Horcruxes, Side-Along Apparation, bzuh?). Therefore it is a post OotP AU. This is also not 28 Weeks Later compliant. Thank you. I wrote this to massive amounts of techno, particularly e-nomine's "das testament." Lame ass author's notes at the end.

Summary: The infection starts in the Muggle world, but it doesn't stop there.

Firstly, I am not joking when I say that I've been writing this for six years. It's…I have a sentimental attachment to it. That said, it's a fantastic thing, really, with violence and crying and love and beheading and infection, and magic, and Hermione in the center of it all, being the most badass thing that ever badassed, but in a nerd way.

And the thing is, that I want to say, is you needn't have seen 28 Days Later to understand this. It has no characters from the film, just the disease. I will confess that there are a few events that I wrote when I was childless that are difficult to re-read now. So I guess that could be a warning. Or I could be a pussy.

AND ARTWORK! OMG this is my first Big Bang and I was rather steeling myself for not getting any artwork, because I swear every fest I'm in I don't get a fic or something, but TWO PIECES OF ART THAT ILLUSTRATE FROM THE STORY. LOL AND AWESOME. MAKE SURE TO CHECK THEM OUUUUUUUT.


And over at the archive, [ profile] simonsflower, who passed away this summer, has had her HBB story posted, and it's a crossover with Torchwood.

And because I love the idea:

amand_r: (torchwood/scoobies)
Title: Any Other Day: Tuesday (aka 2b/8)
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Team, Rhys (Jack/Gwen, Gwen/Rhys, Jack/Ianto)
Ratings: NC-17 (in some parts)
Timeline: Post-Meat, Pre-Reset (assumes flashback knowledge from Fragments)
Summary: Hey, this one time? At Torchwood? Gwen and Jack switched bodies and everything went pear-shaped.

Author's Notes: Thanks to [ profile] idyll, who caught four GLARING issues. Also? I love this fic, because I love the team, I say, THE TEAM. Thanks to [ profile] 51stcenturyfox for the beta! Thanks also to Pornsultant Bob, who schooled me in the ways of cock, man-style. And I mean that practically—when you don't have one, you never stop to think about some of the day to day issues. Note: This was started back in May, when I wasn't nearly the TW freak that I am, and so I think it's more cracky than I had intended. It's funny. It's potboiler fic.

SPECIAL THANKS to [ profile] laurab1 for the bitching fanart! Check that shit out!

This fic is a WIP, divided by days: Monday-Tuesday. It should have 8 parts, some longer than other, depending on what happens any given day. There you go.

PREVIOUSLY, on TORCHWOOD: Monday, Tuesday (A)

PART (B): Tosh loved the place Ianto got Chinese from, and that he always ordered her wor shu duck with extra vegetables and szechuan peppercorns. )

On to Wednesday


amand_r: (Default)

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